Author zincmagnesium8 Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 2 hours ago, elaine567 said: So has she agreed to a specific time and a place or is it just left up in the air? "I'd love to"... Unfortunately covid restrictions won't allow us to meet right now so she said she wants to meet when restrictions relax. It's a bit open ended I know, but it's hard to pin down a date until the government make an announcement. I think all I can do is wait and see. Not the best time to be trying to meet people. I hate being put in this position because I figure I'll be the one having to follow up on it when restrictions relax as I'm the dumper. I also understand that waiting for her to message me is just playing games and if I want to meet I need to be the one to initiate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 Platonic and polite sounds right. Stop messaging her until she messages you. She's clearly moved on after you dumped her in a jealous huff, that's why she can be this neutral about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zincmagnesium8 Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 30 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Platonic and polite sounds right. Stop messaging her until she messages you. She's clearly moved on after you dumped her in a jealous huff, that's why she can be this neutral about it. I totally get that. But stupid me can't seem to let go of things until I've gotten a concrete answer. Like a dog with a bone! I admire a lot of people here that can just let things go. For me it would always be in the back of my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 (edited) She sounds like she's being friendly but not going into this "catch-up" the same way you are, to be honest. Meeting for a catch-up is what I might have told a guy who I wanted to put in the FriendZone, not someone I wanted to keep in my romantic landscape. Just my two cents. Edited October 12, 2020 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zincmagnesium8 Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 7 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: She sounds like she's being friendly but not going into this "catch-up" the same way you are, to be honest. Meeting for a catch-up is what I might have told a guy who I wanted to put in the FriendZone, not someone I wanted to keep in my romantic landscape. Just my two cents. You're probably right. But if that's what happens, c'est la vie. I'm happy as long as I know one way or the other. I think I said it before but it's the fact that I was the one who ended things, I feel like I'm the one in 'control'. I'm the only one who can lead this towards getting a resolution. I know how that sounds, but please hear me out. Right now I don't know how she feels until I ask her. She doesn't know how I feel until I tell her. She's unlikely to tell or ask me either of those things because I was the one who ended things so abruptly and firmly. Once I tell her face to face how I feel and ask her if she feels the same then I'll be able to move past this, either into a relationship or the friend zone! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 (edited) 31 minutes ago, zincmagnesium8 said: the fact that I was the one who ended things, I feel like I'm the one in 'control'. Breaking up does not put you "in control". Especially since you did it as a maneuver and manipulation in a hasty jealous rage. That is out-of-control. She is in control because you acted out of weakness breaking up as a maneuver. Now you are obsessed with getting her back and she has moved on and put you in the friendzone for dumping her. You wanted to punish her. Because your ego was bruised. Well, it backfired as these things usually do. You still make believe you are "in control" by hanging this over her head in your mind. Edited October 12, 2020 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zincmagnesium8 Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Breaking up does not put you "in control". Especially since you did it as a maneuver and manipulation in a hasty jealous rage. That is out-of-control. She is in control because you acted out of weakness breaking up as a maneuver. Now you are obsessed with getting her back and she has moved on and put you in the friendzone for dumping her. You wanted to punish her. Because your ego was bruised. Well, it backfired as these things usually do. You still make believe you are "in control" by hanging this over her head in your mind. Uh, I'm not sure where that came from! You say 'manoeuvre' as though I intended on breaking up only to get back together later. I have never manipulated her and I can't believe you would accuse me of that. I know I won't convince you, but I'm the last person that would take advantage of someone. I didn't want to punish her. I didn't want to break up with her at all. And I'm not obsessed with getting her back. Do I want to try and make it work? Of course. But that doesn't make me obsessed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zincmagnesium8 Posted October 25, 2020 Author Share Posted October 25, 2020 Just an update for anyone that's curious. We had a video call and ended up chatting just as if we were still together. I asked her where things were between us and she said she doesn't know. She said she had been thinking about me and would like to chat in person the next time we're able to meet and take it from there. I guess that's a positive sign. I know I feel much better after chatting to her, and hopefully she feels good about us chatting too (which I think she does by her follow up messages). Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 26, 2020 Share Posted October 26, 2020 12 hours ago, zincmagnesium8 said: . I asked her where things were between us and she said she doesn't know. It's best if you lay back a bit. She is not reaching out to reconcile, just being polite and friendly. Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted October 26, 2020 Share Posted October 26, 2020 Quote I got advice to go no contact and let things settle so that's what I did - that was bad advice if you wanted to reconcile. No contact is for when it's over for life. After a breakup, which is pretty serious, and months of no contact which can divide a couple even further, you may find that one or both of you has fallen out of love, and that the love will never return. This is called ghostly love syndrome - you think about all the good times in the past but ignore the bad things. It's like tunnel vision. Sometimes you need to start with a clean slate, and find a new girl to date. Unlike what you see in TV and movies, oftentimes you can't go back......and attempting to do so only opens old wounds. Most people have to find this out the hard way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zincmagnesium8 Posted October 26, 2020 Author Share Posted October 26, 2020 6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: It's best if you lay back a bit. She is not reaching out to reconcile, just being polite and friendly. I got a different vibe when we spoke, but I'm not going to get my expectations too high. She suggested more video calls so that we can chat more often. She also wants to meet in person to chat about "us" as soon as we both can. I didn't push anything on her and purposefully let her lead the conversation from there on. She also followed up with a message afterwards saying that it was great to chat to me again. This was unprompted as well. I could read into all of this and be completely wrong, so I'll just take it as not being a negative outcome and see if she keeps in contact and is serious about reconciliation. Link to post Share on other sites
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