mortensorchid Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 I've often times been called The Cool Girl by others, either casual acquaintances or guy friends. But, I have bad luck with men. Here's something that might give others some insights into what I mean by that: WHat do you think this is all about? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 That was a really long video so I didn't watch it all. But my takeaway was that the Cool Girl is a fake persona which women put on to try and be seen as easy going. Is this what people are referring to when they say this to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 But what about women who actually do like beer and pizza? They do exist. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 And like sci-fi?! They exist too! Bad luck with men could be many things, so without more to go on I can't offer any advice 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 It's good to be cool, but not so cool you go along with whatever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 10 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I've often times been called The Cool Girl by others, either casual acquaintances or guy friends. Yes they may be referring to the video definition, or perhaps they are just picking up emotional coldness from you. Emotional coldness will lead to bad luck with men... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Libby1 Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 I think of a "cool girl" as an amalgamation of various tomboyish traits that men commonly find likeable and fun/easy to be around, possessed by a woman who's widely considered to be physically attractive. Cool Girl sounds like she's in a good place in terms of mental health and the way her life is going. Like any other positive stereotype, it sounds like something that's nice to be called so long as you're in a good place and don't find it difficult to "be cool". But when life turns more challenging if you start feeling a lot of external pressures (or place pressure on yourself) to project a state of mind that's no longer coming easily, the Cool Girl stereotype could become a source of pressure and resentment. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 (edited) 20 hours ago, mortensorchid said: But, I have bad luck with men. WHat do you think this is all about? Sorry if this sounds mean, but - you're a perennial poster here, no? Forget internet videos and take a good long, honest look at yourself. I think "cool girls" are many men's dreams - attractive, easygoing, and fun. So why the problems? Do you attract the men and then push them away? Sabotage the (potential) relationship if there's too much intimacy or potential for it to actually work? Lash out? "Fun/easygoing" on the surface, but actually not so fun under the surface? Bad picker/thing for "bad boys"? Like the guy "too much" and then suddenly really not like them? Something else? Sure they are plenty of not-so-good men out there. But I think "bad luck" is actually a euphemism for something you are not facing within yourself. Have you ever thought about IC? No one can realistically expect internet videos and LS to do a therapist's job. Edited October 7, 2020 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 21 hours ago, mortensorchid said: But, I have bad luck with men. It's not 'bad luck.' As Mark Clemson observed, it's a euphemism for a character flaw within yourself, that gets triggered repeatedly and influences why you choose the same types of guys over and over, and why you respond the same way, over and over. Until you change that character flaw that's been causing you such difficulty in the dating world, you will continue to have the same problems with the same type of men repeatedly. Maybe counseling will help, maybe not. Maybe meditation, journaling, something that allows you to look deep within yourself to the point where you can stop bs'ing yourself (as we all do on a regular basis about our flaws that we are afraid to confront and repair). I don't believe in luck either way, or syncronicity. And it's not because I'm a curmudgeon by nature. I think it's because I believe in cause and effect. Our thoughts and actions cause the effect we experience and if we don't like that effect, then we have only ourselves to look inward to, in order to change that cause and the effect from that cause. 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 "Cool girl" = doormat. It's that simple. It could mean not clingy or possessive, but usually it means putting up with everything and anything to hang on to a guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 1 hour ago, Watercolors said: I don't believe in luck either way, or syncronicity. (I believe in both, but that's OT and I still like the rest of your post. 🙂 ) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 16 minutes ago, mark clemson said: (I believe in both, but that's OT and I still like the rest of your post. 🙂 ) 🙂 Thanks Mark! I used to believe in both but my life's events have molded me into quite the cynical curmudgeon. 😆 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 Ahh, cool girl, yes I'm quite familiar! Anyone see the movie "Gone Girl"? One of my favorite flicks! Anyway, below is a great clip describing the perfect "cool girl." LOL Enjoy. https://youtu.be/PaoQNDIf6pY Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 (edited) "cool" girls are full of shyt Edited October 8, 2020 by alphamale 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 (edited) 9 minutes ago, alphamale said: "cool" girls are full of shyt I believe they are. I used to be. The "great pretender," I even created a thread about it on a different forum. Pretty much like the girl in the clip. That was way back, several years ago, with my long term ex. I'd be anything he wanted me to be, and guess what, he believed it was the real me! And he loved it, wanted to marry me, got engaged. Long story. But the truth was, I wasn't anything like I pretended to be, and it screwed me up for a long time. But yeah, "cool girls" are completely full of shyt, owning it. Edited October 8, 2020 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 On 10/7/2020 at 10:38 AM, Woggle said: But what about women who actually do like beer and pizza? They do exist. This is why I asked in my first post about the context in which Mortern's friends said what they did. While the link she gave us was about the girl who tries to be cool in order to get a guy, there is also a girl who genuinely is cool. Kind of like "she's a cool girl 😃" vs "she's a Cool Girl 🤨" Kind of like how a guy can be a nice guy or a Nice Guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 It's pretty much women who put on a false personality to impress a mate. Plenty of people of both genders do that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, basil67 said: This is why I asked in my first post about the context in which Mortern's friends said what they did. While the link she gave us was about the girl who tries to be cool in order to get a guy, there is also a girl who genuinely is cool. Kind of like "she's a cool girl 😃" vs "she's a Cool Girl 🤨" Kind of like how a guy can be a nice guy or a Nice Guy. Basil, did you watch my clip? She's the quintessential cool girl. She never gets angry, always smiles, she likes what he likes, she drinks beer, eats pizza and wings at Hooters, "shaves her pu$$y" till it's raw, she's hot, fun, never complains, the perfect "cool girl" she believes all men want. That was me! Note past tense. My ex would even brag to his friends how "cool" I was, that he was so lucky! When all their girlfriends nagged and bytched. Problem was, I was pretending. It wasn't real, it was phony! A false pretense. Mort, don't know if this describes you, reading your posts, I do not think so. Quite the opposite. You might benefit from being a bit cooler actually, but be real. Know who you are and be true to her. Edited October 8, 2020 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 Yes, I watched it. I was trying to explain that a girl who’s a fake Cool Girl because it’s what she thinks the boys want is a different creature to a girl who is naturally fun-cool. The latter being someone who’s effortlessly and honestly cool. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 (edited) 11 hours ago, basil67 said: I was trying to explain that a girl who’s a fake Cool Girl because it’s what she thinks the boys want is a different creature to a girl who is naturally fun-cool. The latter being someone who’s effortlessly and honestly cool. I agree, a woman can be naturally cool about some things, maybe even many things, like drinking beer, eating wings at Hooters, watching football, maybe even learning to like what he likes. But when "cool" means never complaining (squelching her voice), always agreeing with him even when she doesn't, (pretending) and becoming the woman HE wants her to be rather than who she truly is (pretending) all which many women will do to please her guy and keep him loving her (in her mind anyway), and to be viewed by him as Cool, we're not even talking about a "real" person, she's essentially a robot programmed by her owner (her boyfriend). No woman is naturally that "cool" if she is, then she should seek therapy to help her differentiate between reality and fantasy and discover who she really is. JMO. Edited October 8, 2020 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 15 hours ago, alphamale said: "cool" girls are full of shyt They spend all day on dating coach sites learning how to feign indifference and reading books on how to play hard to get. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 When I think of a cool girl I think of a girl who has male friends she's grown up with that she'll hang out with sometimes. She isn't jealous of any of their girlfriends or tries to compete with them but will welcome them as family too. She also has no problem bringing her boyfriend(s) along to meet her guy friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 Didn't look at the video, but really a woman who likes, beer, pizza, sci-fi, has "tom boy traits" (man talk about a benighted culturally myopic phrase), etc....is somehow unreal or bad. Sure being a poser or pretender is never good for anyone, but I detect a lot of jealousy and hate. Have known many a "cool girl," they are not door mats, or fake,...don't conflate love of stereotypical guy things with fake or doormat. "Uncool" women can be just as fake and just as willing to be walked all over as "cool girls." Met many a guy who goes along with whatever to fit in. Women are human beings just like men, they can like and love stereotypical men things just as much as men do without being less than real. Emphasis on the word stereotype. Sadly OP, many men (people really) get insecure when they can't put you in their pigeon holes of preconception. If you don't fit their stereotype there must be something off with you, it can never be their stereotype is bullocks. When the facts of the world don't match peoples preconceptions, many just spin or ignore the facts, their preconceptions are inviolate. The old saw stereotypes have a basis in reality is just BS to me, apologetics for prejudice and worse. I'm certain there is a person who fits the stereotype, but when it comes to gender for example, seriously doubt the stereotypes represent even a fraction of the group. Simple generalizations are one thing, more men like sports than women (if that is even true let alone meaningful) but stereotypes are often a contrived conglomerations of all sorts of traits that one group wants to put on another to make them less; ....suppositions heaped upon inferences built on self serving conclusions...it would be funny if people didn't treat these edifices as being any more than a window into their own prejudices and preconceptions. Don't worry though OP, there are men (people really) who eschew boxes...and different cultures and sub-cultures have different boxes. You just got to find your people, those guys, you're a treasure in their eyes. Also I have a real individualist spirit and look at people by how they treat others, not the clothes they wear, hobbies they like, what they eat or drink, etc. This may not be common, but far from alone in this. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 (edited) I think the bottom line here is everyone has their own interpretation of what "cool girl" means, which is OK. My definition at least as it relates to this thread, was more aligned to the clip I uploaded from the movie "Gone Girl" - it was the main character's mindset. Her cool girl monologue, which I can relate to as I used to share that same mindset. Now, years later, different relationship, I still enjoy beer and wings, I try to enjoy the things my bf likes (he does the same) and other "cool" things, lol. BUT I speak my voice when something troubles me, I am no longer some chameleon who changes my true nature according to what my bf wants me to be at any given point in time, I am my own person and stay true to myself. I am not afraid to "rock the boat" and always "make nice" so my boyfriend will continue to love me. I am NOT always so "cool." 😂 Edited October 8, 2020 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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