Sex w/ a friend while his fiancé on bachelorette getaway

[Bonifidelifelover]

3 hours ago, central said:

I'm on the fence about telling her.  However, consider this:  Over 70% of both men and women will cheat on their spouse, most within 5 years of marriage (Hite report from the early 1990s; the percentages are surely higher now).  You'd have to be very lucky or an amazing spouse to NOT have your SO cheat on you.  Odds are if you told and disrupt the marriage, they'll both do worse in their next relationship, and may even have difficulty forming one after this trauma.  Not that this makes anything right.  What would you want if you were in her shoes?  And while he cheated before marriage, he might not do so once he is married.  You don't know, and your intervention could be bad either way - with less chance of doing any good, IMO.

If she were me, I’d appreciate knowing!! Still won’t change my decision to not tell her. 

[WorldsSecondGreatestLover]

Voting for telling her.  The issue is he's not going to stop cheating (it'll probably be with you), and eventually there will be children involved.  Go read a few of the stories these kids tell on reddit, about their household after one of their parents cheated.    You can stop this whole nightmare from happening with an anonymous note.

It's not "you" blowing up her wedding day, it's him.  What a prick to do this while his bride is flush with anticipation about her big day.

Edited October 8, 2020 by WorldsSecondGreatestLover
Gender pronounds

[Noproblem]

22 hours ago, AngelinaCassy said:

The husband & I are in the midst of divorce. I have not been with the husband sexually since hooking up w/ the friend & we won’t. I am still technically married tho. Divorce is not officially done. U are right tho about diseases. I really don’t think he will try to hook up again anyway. 

I think he will!

I think he shouldn't get married, he would destroy this girl/woman's life.. He should stay single until he figures it out, I feel he likes you more than the others, so he shouldn't get married. That's insane. Why is he so stupid and also so mean! Who does this before getting married. ( I know, quite many, but still, why marry her if you can't stay faithful and you already like someone else!)

Yeah you should tell this poor woman!

Edited October 8, 2020 by Noproblem

[Noproblem]

3 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

I vote don't tell her, let her have her special wedding day.

Every bride deserves that.  Every woman dreams of their wedding day, don't take that away from her.

Most woman dream of a wedding day with a good husband who doesn't cheat. we are not just thirsty for a fake wedding based on lies and deception!

[Bonifidelifelover]

Exactly @Noproblem

[Bonifidelifelover]

From what I see on Instagram, I guess they got married in the court in Vegas earlier. 

[Noproblem]

5 minutes ago, AngelinaCassy said:

From what I see on Instagram, I guess they got married in the court in Vegas earlier. 

Ok, so now what's left to do is just block him everywhere a month from now. Not right away..
Like wait a month or so. and then start fresh.. What is done is done, you can't change past mistakes, but you are 45, getting divorced from an abusive husband, don't you deserve a fresh start with men who choose you over others and do not cheat! You deserve better!

Whether he think you are jealous or not, doesn't matter, he doesn't matter, what matters is you move on with your life.

So many people I kept on the side, didn't delete them right away.. but eventually I blocked them everywhere!

Edited October 8, 2020 by Noproblem

[Bonifidelifelover]

@Noproblemok!! Thank u! I love the advice!
 

So wait are u a man/cheater/other man? Or the ow? I’m confused lol

[Noproblem]

1 hour ago, AngelinaCassy said:

@Noproblemok!! Thank u! I love the advice!
 

So wait are u a man/cheater/other man? Or the ow? I’m confused lol

Neither. just someone who blocked people who disappointed me or hasn't been a source of happiness in my life!

[Happy Lemming]

@AngelinaCassy

So what are you going to do if he contacts you in a month or so?? And wants to see you??

[SincereOnlineGuy]

7 hours ago, Atwood said:

I'm sorry about the abuse you suffered from your husband, nobody deserves abuse and I hope you find healing in the future. 

As far as the cheating goes...I need to pick up on something you said. The marriage is already ruined. He's cheated on her and betrayed her trust and is now deceiving her and luring her into a marriage (where two people vow loyalty to each other) knowing that he will continue to pursue sex with you and other people. 

If I were her, I would want to know. This man is going to gaslight her, cheat on her, betray her every step of the way.

 

The marriage being "already ruined" has zero to do with our OP.

 

She already stated that he's cheated on everyone he's ever been with...    (and that was a complete set  before either of these two entered his court )

 

It simply isn't the OP's place to speak-out about this...  and no doubt it is already obvious to the new bride that he's a cheatin' fool.

 

 

[Bonifidelifelover]

@Happy Lemming

I guess maybe I’ll shut down my social media? He has my #, but we usually don’t communicate that way. Again I have a feeling he won’t tho. A week ago he did emoji face w/ heart eyes an Instagram story Of mine on a throw back pic of me, but I didn’t respond. 
 

what do u suggest? What’s the best way? This is all Assuming he will. I’m sure after this weekend she’ll keep tighter reigns on him. However, a huge detail I’ve left out is they don’t live together. And he says they won’t live together for awhile until they get a house together. He currently owns a home but lives with brothers of his & she lives wit her parents. Weird situation. 

[Bonifidelifelover]

@SincereOnlineGuy

the night we were together he told me In a nonchalant way that he’s had 3 major relationships & has cheated in everyone. When I asked him why he was marrying this one (and obviously cheated on her too) he said “I’ve been with her ten yrs, it’s the longest relationship I’ve had”. That was his answer. No I love her, no I care about her. I’m baffled but so be it. He was talking about some cute young white girls & he said if she found out about him cheating he’d just go try to go get himself one of those White girls. I personally think he’s all talk. I personally think he does love his fiancé/wife, he’s maybe a sex addictive & he feels secure with her. Having cake. 

[Bonifidelifelover]

47 minutes ago, SincereOnlineGuy said:

 

The marriage being "already ruined" has zero to do with our OP.

 

She already stated that he's cheated on everyone he's ever been with...    (and that was a complete set  before either of these two entered his court )

 

It simply isn't the OP's place to speak-out about this...  and no doubt it is already obvious to the new bride that he's a cheatin' fool.

 

 

I doubt she knows 

[Happy Lemming]

47 minutes ago, AngelinaCassy said:

@Happy Lemming

what do u suggest? What’s the best way? This is all Assuming he will. I’m sure after this weekend she’ll keep tighter reigns on him. However, a huge detail I’ve left out is they don’t live together. And he says they won’t live together for awhile until they get a house together. He currently owns a home but lives with brothers of his & she lives wit her parents. Weird situation. 

I have no suggestions, especially given the new details that they don't live together and won't be for a while. 

Given this new information, he'll be knocking on your front door after the honeymoon. 

[ExpatInItaly]

Is the reason you're not telling his wife because you don't want him to get angry with you and cut you out of his life, OP?

Edited October 8, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[Dork Vader]

On 10/6/2020 at 9:05 PM, AngelinaCassy said:

Watercolors, no condom. No stds so far, it’s been 3 weeks since sexual contact. May I ask u define the trouble part? Trouble how tho? I like the video lol 
 

I don’t know why I’m attracted, he’s sexy, handsome. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Took 8 weeks for me to get my first HSV-2 outbreak from a serial cheater. Some STD's such as HIV won't show up in your blood work for 90+ days it depends on the test. Hepatitis can take a while to show up as well. Then there is good old HPV which you might not show symptoms for at all. Most people who HSV-2 don't even know it, the outbreaks as so minimal they don't notice it. I have had it for nearly 6 years and I don't always notice it when I have one. Most of the time it's not even visible.

Good luck I hope you don't get anything. I would not sleep with your ex husband again unless you inform him you've slept with someone else. He has every right to know and make the decision of whether or not he wants to expose himself to the risk. 

From what you've posted he sounds like a serial cheater. If he truly is done, you were just a notch on the bed post for him, which is honestly what it sounds like. 

[pepperbird2]

10 hours ago, Noproblem said:

Most woman dream of a wedding day with a good husband who doesn't cheat. we are not just thirsty for a fake wedding based on lies and deception!

exactly. I don't know of anyone who would say "yes I married a guy who cheats on me and I am miserable, but at least I had my wedding day".

 

[pepperbird2]

with respect to whether or not this guy contacts you and what you do if he does...

why are you making it complicated when it doesn't have to be. Just say "no". Block him today-easy peasy. Unless, of course, you're hoping he will reach out.

Reading between the lines , I'm getting the sense you're hoping he does. Why? If it's just because he was good between the sheets, there's lots of guys who are. Why fixate on this one? What is this really about?

[Atwood]

7 hours ago, SincereOnlineGuy said:

 

The marriage being "already ruined" has zero to do with our OP.

 

She already stated that he's cheated on everyone he's ever been with...    (and that was a complete set  before either of these two entered his court )

 

It simply isn't the OP's place to speak-out about this...  and no doubt it is already obvious to the new bride that he's a cheatin' fool.

 

 

It's relevant to the OP because "not wanting to ruin the marriage" was a reason they cited for not wanting to tell the bride. I was pointing out that telling her isn't ruining it because the marriage is already ruined. They didn't want to tell her obviously, but let's not pretend it's because the OP wanted to preserve the happiness of the marriage. It's because they don't want to face the consequences of their actions. 

I don't know what rules there are about "places" but if you make it your place to have sex with someone's husband-to-be, it's suddenly very convenient that it's no longer your place to tell the truth about it to the innocent party who is also the one who is being betrayed. 

[elaine567]

30 minutes ago, Atwood said:

no doubt it is already obvious to the new bride that he's a cheatin' fool.

She likely has no idea whatsoever. It is a myth promoted by cheaters that the BS knows or is even complicit.
Most people who do not cheat exist in an innocent world and rely on blind trust.
It is only when their trust is shaken that they realise the world is not so innocent and they were fooled...

I am no advocate for telling for the sake of telling when the consequences are dire. Broken and damaged BSs and miserable kids from broken homes but here this poor woman deserves to know who she is actually marrying and putting all her faith into.
Seems to me however that many OWs have little or no sympathy for the BS.
There is usually a competition set up and the BS is the enemy. even if the OW does not particularly see a future or is even that serious or interested she still does NOT want to lose to the BS.
There is also something deliciously wicked in sleeping with forbidden fruit... why spoil it by doing the "right" thing?

[Starswillshine]

1 hour ago, pepperbird2 said:

Reading between the lines , I'm getting the sense you're hoping he does. Why? If it's just because he was good between the sheets, there's lots of guys who are. Why fixate on this one? What is this really about?

I have this impression, too. Given OP has cited how MM enjoyed their romp in the sack. OP seems quite flattered. I dont get it coming from a sleazeball but it isn't me. 

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

C'mon people... open your collective eyes.

 

They've been together ten years...   and he's cheated on everyone he's ever been with  AND they don't live together (and don't plan to)...

 

IF the woman is that blind, she deserves the fine marriage she's going to get...      and thus the OP has no business interrupting fate  that way.

 

 

[Noproblem]

9 hours ago, AngelinaCassy said:

@Happy Lemming

I guess maybe I’ll shut down my social media? He has my #, but we usually don’t communicate that way. Again I have a feeling he won’t tho. A week ago he did emoji face w/ heart eyes an Instagram story Of mine on a throw back pic of me, but I didn’t respond. 
 

what do u suggest? What’s the best way? This is all Assuming he will. I’m sure after this weekend she’ll keep tighter reigns on him. However, a huge detail I’ve left out is they don’t live together. And he says they won’t live together for awhile until they get a house together. He currently owns a home but lives with brothers of his & she lives wit her parents. Weird situation. 

why would you cancel your social media and life so he won't reach you. Just block him and his fiancée and you'll be fine.

[Atwood]

7 minutes ago, SincereOnlineGuy said:

 

C'mon people... open your collective eyes.

 

They've been together ten years...   and he's cheated on everyone he's ever been with  AND they don't live together (and don't plan to)...

 

IF the woman is that blind, she deserves the fine marriage she's going to get...      and thus the OP has no business interrupting fate  that way.

 

 

You don't deserve horrible things to happen to you because you trust your partner. People don't deserve to be punished because they're being deceived and betrayed. Cheaters, abusers, scammers, and liars might hold that view, but that doesn't make it true.