Sex w/ a friend while his fiancé on bachelorette getaway

[pepperbird2]

19 minutes ago, AngelinaCassy said:

I think right now he’s having fun in Vegas &one the high of his wedding, but we all know people Go back to their Same ol day to day lives & work. So who knows... he definitely hasn’t left my mind how could he, that night was fun & memorable! Music, candles, fun! He was shocked it even happened. I would think odds are it hasn’t slipped his mind ? 

 Like I said above, own your behaviour. you're saying you dont want to ever be with him again, yet you are desperately trying to convince yourself you're still in his mind.

Why? If all you want is to be friends again, why? why does it matter?

you asked above if you're a sociopath because you don't feel bad. I'm not always a great judge of character, but I'm not getting that feeling from you. I think you were very unhappy for a long time, you're mixed up and feeling like you're finally free.

 

[EPC82]

AngelinaCassy,

Being the OW, if only for one night, makes you "bad" by societies standards. You will not find sympathy here. Again, speaking from experience. What you will find here is a lot of pain and projection. Sometimes thats what is needed though. 

The good thing though is that we are strangers and in the end it doesn't matter what we think. 

It only matters what you think about yourself. 

It seems to me that you are capable of compartmentalizing. Perhaps you are not ruled by your emotions. If that is the case than what happens next can be as easy as you want it to be. Remain friends, itch scratched. Move on. 

Against popular opinion i don't think you should tell his wife. You have not betrayed her, he has. Its heartbreaking and no one deserves to be treated so poorly but thats on him. 

[Bonifidelifelover]

8 minutes ago, EPC82 said:

AngelinaCassy,

Being the OW, if only for one night, makes you "bad" by societies standards. 

Against popular opinion i don't think you should tell his wife. You have not betrayed her, he has. Its heartbreaking and no one deserves to be treated so poorly but thats on him. 

Know I’m the bad one. I get it. 
 

and why do people on here make me feel like I do owe her an explanation. Annoying 

[GeorgiaPeach1]

5 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

No skin off my nose... I got laid and it didn't cost me a dime.  The sex was phenomenal!!

How is it my fault her husband didn't want to touch her, his loss... my gain!

Also, she had this great 4 X 4 that we took up and down the coast on our camping adventures, it was a BLAST!

Some nights (if he was working late), she'd come over my house, bring me dinner, help me work on the "fixer-upper" house and have sex with me.  WIN-WIN-WIN (for me)!!

Why didn't you ask her to divorce and then marry her yourself, if things were so wonderful?

[GeorgiaPeach1]

3 hours ago, AngelinaCassy said:

Bahahaha I love ur attitude @Happy Lemming

You two seem to be hitting it off and have the same set of morals. Maybe you two should connect. 

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

Why didn't you ask her to divorce and then marry her yourself, if things were so wonderful?

I'll never get married. The beauty of dating a married woman is she can't pressure you to get married.

No reason to get married, life (for me) has been so much more fun being single!!  Moreover, if a woman starts to give me angst, a quick phone call and she is gone, no lawyer, no settlement, no problems.  Obtaining the next woman has always been rather easy.

Also, I get to keep ALL of my assets.  For guys, there are no benefits to being married (in my opinion).

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

You two seem to be hitting it off and have the same set of morals. Maybe you two should connect. 

I've been in a long term relationship with a wonderful woman for 8.5 years.  For the record, she is divorced and told me she will never re-marry, so another win-win for this rodent!!

There is a lid for every pot!

Edited October 9, 2020 by Happy Lemming

[EPC82]

Happy Lemming,

8 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Also, I get to keep ALL of my assets.  For guys, there are no benefits to being married (in my opinion).

There are no benefits for woman either. 

Edited October 9, 2020 by EPC82

[HadMeOverABarrel]

On 10/7/2020 at 12:05 AM, AngelinaCassy said:

Watercolors, no condom. No stds so far, it’s been 3 weeks since sexual contact. May I ask u define the trouble part? Trouble how tho? I like the video lol 
 

I don’t know why I’m attracted, he’s sexy, handsome. 🤷🏻‍♀️

🤦

[stillafool]

On 10/6/2020 at 10:14 PM, AngelinaCassy said:

Why am I now on here? I feel guilty to the point of throwing up.

I see this didn't last as long as this thread.  It's clear you don't feel guilty.

But also confused. I am still married too. He says he’s cheated in every major relationship he’s had.

You aren't confused, you know you're married and using the long divorce process as an excuse to cheat.  I don't even believe that anymore.

The fiancé is beautiful when I asked why he was there with me in a hotel room, he said things had faded with her. He says they do their own things.

Yes and you're jealous of her.  Of course he isn't going to tell you that he is there because he can't pass on some strange; plus why not have a fling before he gets married.  If things had really faded with his gf he wouldn't have bought a ring and proposed to her.  If it was you he loved it would be too easy to wait you out.  The divorce would be done in no time.

He & I are still in touch but I’m thinking maybe I should cut him off for once & for all being That he will get married now. He told me he’ll always talk to me & for me to message him during work hours.

I feel bad for her. A friend told me to not tell her & I def won’t!

You won't cut him off if he wants to talk to you.  More than likely he will be the one to cut you off in the end.  You have it in your mind that he's marrying her but pinning for you when in fact you are the one pinning and that is why this thread exists.  

[Bonifidelifelover]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

You won't cut him off if he wants to talk to you.  More than likely he will be the one to cut you off in the end.  You have it in your mind that he's marrying her but pinning for you when in fact you are the one pinning and that is why this thread exists.  

Definitely no pining. Hopefully I meet someone nice someday that’s Emmy goal, my goal is not to be a OW. He’s always chased me, I’ve never hunted him down like he has me. So I’m looking to date. This thread exists cause I had mixed emotions about my choice to even grant him the night. I was like wth did I do! 

[Bonifidelifelover]

One thing I do admit is, before our encounter I’d think of him here & there but since the sexual encounter I can’t get him off my mind, & I’m in a state of go away go away. Please tell me how or steps to take to get thoughts to go away! 

[Happy Lemming]

17 minutes ago, AngelinaCassy said:

 Please tell me how or steps to take to get thoughts to go away! 

"The heart wants what it wants - or else it does not care" - Emily Dickinson

[Azincourt]

On 10/7/2020 at 5:05 AM, AngelinaCassy said:

Watercolors, no condom. No stds so far, it’s been 3 weeks since sexual contact. May I ask u define the trouble part? Trouble how tho? I like the video lol 
 

I don’t know why I’m attracted, he’s sexy, handsome. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You're attracted because he's handsome, sexy, and is probably pretty charming about it. Besides you have lingering feelings felt for him over the decades, and you have that ''what if'' mysthic going on about what your life might have been like had you gotten married to him instead of getting married to the guy you're currently divorcing.  

Dude is a cad. Cads are gonna cad. Very rarely is a cad going to commit. It happens, but more often than not, a Cad does not do that. You can either see this as a fun fling, something to pass the time and have some enjoyable moments from, or you can decide you want to have a relationship with the guy, but if that's the case, you're probably gonna be ''cheated'' on, so keep that in mind if you do begin a relationship with him.

[Bonifidelifelover]

He officially married y’all!! 💘

[Azincourt]

Congratulations, I guess?

[basil67]

3 hours ago, AngelinaCassy said:

One thing I do admit is, before our encounter I’d think of him here & there but since the sexual encounter I can’t get him off my mind, & I’m in a state of go away go away. Please tell me how or steps to take to get thoughts to go away! 

To get the thoughts to go away, you must move on.  Make an effort to stop ruminating and importantly, stop posting about it.   View it as the meaningless fling that it was and be proactive about finding something else to do with your time.  

[Mystery4u]

4 hours ago, AngelinaCassy said:

One thing I do admit is, before our encounter I’d think of him here & there but since the sexual encounter I can’t get him off my mind, & I’m in a state of go away go away. Please tell me how or steps to take to get thoughts to go away! 

Firstly stop posting in this thread about him. Nobody here cares that he is officially married, only you do. By thinking about him, posting about it, giving updates, well that's not going to help you get those thoughts away.

Then delete and block him off all social media so you can stop stalking him to see every little thing he is doing.

Lastly block/delete his number. There is literally no reason whatsoever in this world for you both to continue being 'friends', or anything else.

Time to start taking responsibility for your own actions.

[basil67]

Ah yes - delete and block.  

[ExpatInItaly]

14 hours ago, AngelinaCassy said:

One thing I do admit is, before our encounter I’d think of him here & there but since the sexual encounter I can’t get him off my mind, & I’m in a state of go away go away. Please tell me how or steps to take to get thoughts to go away! 

Keep in mind that you are very likely not the only woman he messes around with. 

I think when you stop feeling flattered and special because he's keeping you in his orbit, you'll be able to move on more quickly. 

[stillafool]

19 hours ago, AngelinaCassy said:

One thing I do admit is, before our encounter I’d think of him here & there but since the sexual encounter I can’t get him off my mind, & I’m in a state of go away go away. Please tell me how or steps to take to get thoughts to go away! 

By reminding yourself that he is no longer a single man but now a married one.  That you cannot be his friend without being friends with his new wife.  Of course you can't do that so it's over.  Block and delete him, speed up and finalize your divorce and find another man.

[FMW]

Finalize your divorce, and meet other men with the intention of just having something casual until you're ready for another relationship.  Just be clear with the men that's all you want, it probably won't be hard to find someone you are attracted to for that purpose that will be more than happy to be a source of casual distraction.  

Before you can develop a good relationship you need to be happy on your own, but in the meantime to get past this situation, go for some distraction with a like-minded guy.  Your world (as far as men go) is probably small right now, just your husband and this friend.  When you get out there and realize there are others you can connect with (even if just casually), it will be easier to see things clearly and let go.

[Bonifidelifelover]

2 hours ago, FMW said:

Finalize your divorce, and meet other men with the intention of just having something casual until you're ready for another relationship.  Just be clear with the men that's all you want, it probably won't be hard to find someone you are attracted to for that purpose that will be more than happy to be a source of casual distraction.  

Before you can develop a good relationship you need to be happy on your own, but in the meantime to get past this situation, go for some distraction with a like-minded guy.  Your world (as far as men go) is probably small right now, just your husband and this friend.  When you get out there and realize there are others you can connect with (even if just casually), it will be easier to see things clearly and let go.

Thank u for being nice & actually giving helpful advice. 
 

I can’t delete this post trust me I tried. I wasn’t going to comment any longer but since I liked ur comment @FMW I decided to respond. Thanks to those who gave me nice & helpful advice plus clarity. I appreciate it. C-ya! 

Edited October 11, 2020 by AngelinaCassy

[Noproblem]

Ok. Best of luck Op. 

Move on with your life. He married and you are divorcing. Perfect closure.

The world is your oyster!

 

[Negotaurus]

Since when is cheating and poor boundaries "quirky" and "fun". Isn't it exhausting to perform these mental olympics on a daily basis just to be able to sleep peacefully.

Edited October 12, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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