To what extent, do money play a role on womans affairs?

[jolehno]

I haven't seen money  as a factor on womans affairs on the many treads I have read. Although there are many woman involved with their bosses...In my sad experience, money, or better said, a facination for the high-class living standards, I think it played a role. Something like, I want to be part of that way of life. Any comments?

[mark clemson]

I think many (not all) women respond to "alpha traits". In a given social context, such as work, being a leader IS "alpha". So, the boss (male or female) is "alpha".

Money is power to a certain extent as well as the ability to procure necessary things, live a more comfortable life, etc. So, having money is "alpha" to a certain extent. Bosses make more money. Getting recognized for your talents and/or hard work is not guaranteed in life - the boss has achieved this (at least temporarily in one context) and so often (not always) is also showing the social and "life" skills to make that happen. They have proven themselves in this regard, so another important factor, to some women.

A couple tends to have their place in society "together" - so if the woman can "win" the boss for a LTR, her overall social status is theoretically higher than if she ends up with a regular guy.

Women tend to like men who wear nice clothes and often the boss per their role is a bit dressier, to that is an additional bonus. Throw in a handsome face/nice haircut and you're good to go.

I suspect that for some women the "breaking the rules a bit" aspect of having a (forbidden) workplace romance adds appeal as well. Being a maverick/"making your own rules" is also "alpha", so this boosts the male as well as being a bit more exciting for her.

So I suspect it may not be the money itself per se, but the man, overall due to a variety of factors and certain aspects of the social situation, that some women are responding to when they "go for the boss".

At this risk of stating the obvious, this maneuver is highly risky for all involved, particularly if it's an affair, but really just in general. A boss who resents you due to a relationship gone sour can sure make your life miserable, and of course the boss can be fired or have their reputation "tarnished", there can be lawsuits, etc.

It's also worth pointing out that not all women are interested in this; women seem to have interest in plenty of different "types" of men for plenty of different reasons.

Edited October 9, 2020 by mark clemson

[Zona]

I don't mean to offend anyone, but I've always said that money and power are the most effective panty removers that exist. Just basic biology and not always a bad thing. Of course this doesn't apply to all women, especially now that many women make good money.

Edited October 13, 2020 by Zona

[Prudence V]

On 10/9/2020 at 5:16 PM, mark clemson said:

I think many (not all) women respond to "alpha traits"

Henry Kissinger allegedly said that power is the greatest aphrodisiac. 

[elaine567]

On 10/9/2020 at 4:50 PM, jolehno said:

Something like, I want to be part of that way of life.

I do think that may play a role and seeking out money and power can be a part of that.
Many woman I think just see  a potentially happier life for themselves with their OM/MM, whatever that may look like.
That is the attraction and why some will apparently "affair down" to get that emotional hit.
Better to be happy with the mechanic who is warm, listens and appreciates, than be miserable with the CEO husband who is cold, too busy and never listens...

[RebeccaR]

Yes, material success is a big draw In the beginning. But once the affair is underway and the emotional/physical connection is formed, it may not be as important. And don’t forget the woman posting who was having an affair with a homeless guy living on her property. 

[Fletch Lives]

If you know of a rich girl, can I have her number?!

[Zona]

We have all seen cases where an older unattractive guy has a super hot girlfriend or wife. If the guy was broke, there is virtually no chance that she would be with him. That wrinkly old prune Mick Jagger is dating a beautiful woman 40 years younger than him. 

From a biological/survival point of view, of course it makes sense for young women to see out men with resources. Having kids ain't cheap, but not only that, if a man is successful in life, he probably has a lot of things going for him (offspring have a better chance of thriving).

We are primates after all and we still have some primate baggage (instincts lurking in our subconscious). The females in many primate communities will have sex with any male if she is not ovulating and prefers their company because they are not belligerent, chest thumping jerks always looking for a fight. Once ovulation starts she cuts the betas off and seeks out the alpha males. It's well established that women crave the really studly dudes when they are ovulating (but may not act on it). It's actually a brilliant strategy. All the males are happy and don't have to fight, unless they want breeding rights with ovulating females. Of course we have the ability for rational thought that can override our primal instincts, but they are there.

Edited October 13, 2020 by Zona

[spiritedaway2003]

I think it's a loaded question only because the laws of attraction vary widely for each person.  

Why are you attracted to someone?  Because of looks, their upbringing, their wealth or perhaps  status ('alpha' or otherwise), their quirks, their demeanor, their personality, their kindness and compassion, the little things that make them who they are as a person?   There is no one size fits all answer. You can only make generalizations.  Sometimes it's just easier for people to try put labels (e.g. this guy is having a affair because he's having a mid-life crisis, or the OW is only after a guy because she's a gold-digger).  There is often more to the story than just those simple narratives.  

If you can answer the 'attraction' component, the same law applies in an affair situation.  It's really no different.

Edited October 13, 2020 by spiritedaway2003

[jolehno]

In my case, it wasn't  money per se, but her self entitlement to have something "better" there was no love, I'm  almost sure of that, but a longing for high-rise lifestyle. We are no poor by any means, but certainty I don't  belong to the very highclass.

Something else I have noticed, it's that some woman see themselves as "the price" as a merchandise, something to bargain with. And with this mindset, who is to blame them for willing to get as much for what they offer, themselves.

[mea_M]

I can see how for some women money would be a lure. I have found however, money means nothing in the long run.

[mark clemson]

On 10/13/2020 at 8:16 AM, Zona said:

We are primates after all and we still have some primate baggage (instincts lurking in our subconscious). The females in many primate communities will have sex with any male if she is not ovulating and prefers their company because they are not belligerent, chest thumping jerks always looking for a fight.

Just a note on this point - not sure about other primates, you may well be right - but among humans I think "alpha" doesn't necessarily mean this. There may indeed be competition and rivalries for "top spots" and certainly for desirable females, but I think many alphas are "leaders" rather than "fighters", especially once you get past the teen years and/or certain athletic circles.

So "alpha" IMO gets a bad rap where it's associated with people with a tendency to fight, but actually for many modern humans the fighting is much more indirect, if it's there at all. Certainly there will be exceptions, but I'm thinking of civilized society here. Many doctors, lawyers, stock-brokers, business leaders, politicians, etc would be seen as high value alpha males and they're certainly not all out breaking other guys' teeth. "Leadership" can take many forms and good social skills are often part of the package. Boy bands with throngs of screaming female fans also come to mind, as do Richard Branson and Elon Musk.

Edited October 14, 2020 by mark clemson

[Zona]

7 hours ago, mark clemson said:

So "alpha" IMO gets a bad rap where it's associated with people with a tendency to fight, but actually for many modern humans the fighting is much more indirect, if it's there at all. Certainly there will be exceptions, but I'm thinking of civilized society here. Many doctors, lawyers, stock-brokers, business leaders, politicians, etc would be seen as high value alpha males and they're certainly not all out breaking other guys' teeth. "Leadership" can take many forms and good social skills are often part of the package. Boy bands with throngs of screaming female fans also come to mind, as do Richard Branson and Elon Musk.

Absolutely. Being an alpha in human circles is about wealth, power, status, fame, and looks, not about straight out brawling, although who hasn't seen dudes having a dust up over a girl? 

I have a friend who was good enough to play college basketball. He said it was like a sexual smorgasbord. Tons of women hanging around all the time and sneaking on the bus, etc. Not only that but it was pretty easy to ask virtually any woman on campus out and not get turned down.  Same with another friend who played in a moderately successful band. These select few were having a field day while regular guys were having a tough time of it. This is even more extreme in our current culture. Normal average guys have given up on online dating, just leaving the good looking popular guys.

My take with women in affairs is that mentally unhealthy women tend to affair down while mentally healthy women tend to affair up. It seems to me that some women would rather be one of two women with a good looking guy with money, than be with an average guy. Tough to make sweeping generalization though. There are always exceptions.

[Woggle]

Cheaters cheat with a whole salad bar of people. Not all female cheaters are built the same just like not all male ones are.

[colingrant]

Guys will say sex prowess, money and power. However the experiences I've had (dating) and ones I've read about, emotional connection seems to be the most important factor bar none.  It's why detachment is so difficult for some women, whereas with guys who are often just about the sex, can detach quite easily. 

[Fletch Lives]

The two main reasons people cheat are:

1) Revenge 

2) The person is immature/lacks integrity.

[carhill]

On 10/9/2020 at 8:50 AM, jolehno said:

Something like, I want to be part of that way of life. Any comments?

Since I've had far more personal anecdotes from women than men my experience is a bit skewed but in general, the women I've known personally who've either admitted to infidelity or approached me personally have had very secure and in some cases even money is no object lifestyles. IOW, they already had 'that way of life'. Their affairs apparently had to do with other factors. The good news is, if that small sample of less than a few dozen over decades is any indicator, they won't give up the lifestyle for love and sex, one or the other or both, except if they can improve it, meaning they will affair up to a better lifestyle for them, better describing financially. I think that's smart. Selfish, sure, but humans in general are selfish, self-involved creatures. It's a survival instinct. 'That way of life' is simply a manifestation of it. Perhaps affairs are too, IDK.

[LeoLady888]

I haven't known that many women who admitted to affairs.

However, of those that did, not one chose a waiter, dustbin man (garbage collector), tramp, labourer or pot-washer.

They picked professional/businessmen with good jobs, good salaries and nice houses. 🙂

[pepperbird2]

My brother is a VP with a large multinational. He's pulling in a large salary and just married his third wife, who is model beautiful. He's never had a problem attracting women, but very few have stuck it out. He's very driven and for much of is life he was very unhappy with himself. I don't think he would have been an easy person to be with, and if not for his money, I don't think he would have many relationships. He's very handsome and wealthy, but behind that, he's a very sad person.