Past fantasy messing with my reality

[princessaurora]

This is probably going to be a little long, so bear with me.

Firstly, let me start off by saying I love my husband very much and I would never do anything to hurt him, so this is a really sticky situation for me to be in. There was a guy I had a big crush on when I was in late high school. He was actually a former friend of mine's  older brother and I rarely saw him because he  went to college in another state, but on the occasions I did, we were very flirty with each other  I write erotic stories in my spare time and in the last year, I've used him as my inspiration. I know nothing about his personality, so everything in my stories is completely fabricated other than his physical description. He was just one of the hottest guys i've ever seen, so I thought he'd be a great choice. He actually has alot of my hubby's personality in my stories.

I'm a banker and back in May I opened an account for a new client. When they handed me the paperwork for the business and I saw his name on it, I couldn't believe it. He is one of their members and I knew it was  him because his name is very unique. I never thought our paths would cross again, but his boss lives in my city and he lives about 90 minutes from here. She asked me if he had to come see me to be added the account and I told her no, I could email it to his local branch to sign. Basically, this is how I've been handling him because the idea of seeing him again freaks me out. He is/was mostly  a fantasy and needs to remain that way.  He skypes me pretty frequently about banking business and tries to find reasons to come to the branch, but I always convince him he can do it through his local branch or by skyping me. So far this has worked, though he jokes around about how he thinks i'm trying to avoid him. Thankfully right now, I can play the pandemic card, but I know that won't be the case forever. I'm not going to lie, he is still incredibly attractive even though he's about to turn 48, and i'm almost positive he knows who I am. His personal questions have almost become a joke at this point because he knows I'm not going to truthfully answer them. He asks me where I grew up, I tell him in a house. He asks me what my last name is. I give him my married name. Then he says no, your real last name. I say that is my real last name. He says I remind him so much of this girl his sister used to know, but I'm too young looking to be her. He also tells me i'm very pretty and my eyes are just....wow. The truth is if I wouldn't have resurrected thoughts of him by making him the main character of my recent stories I would have told him right away we knew each other, we may have waxed nostalgia a bit, and that would have been the end of it. But now, I've kind of dug myself in a hole I don't know how i'm going to get out of.  I love my stories and don't want to get to know him because it could blur my perception and ruin my story and I don't want to change characters because I've been working on it for almost a year. Not to mention, I'm still very attracted to him and he's been getting more and more flirty. He inquired about refinancing his house but doesn't his want his wife on the mortgage because "who knows what can happen in the future" He talks about his rental property and how he would be totally content being single and living there. Most recently, he asked me to meet him at a restaurant halfway between where we live so we can go over some of his business future financial plans. I told him I don't eat out right now due to covid. Then he had the nerve to call me out for eating at a restaurant with my husband for our anniversary back in July! He claims his wife and I have mutual friends (we do have one) on fb and that's how he saw it, but that's a little far fetched to me. I reiterated it was a special occasion and I don't eat out right now, so he said as soon as everything is normal again, he wants to have a business meeting. He also asked me for my number. I told him it's on my business card which his boss has like a stack of. He said he wants my main number because i'm his banker and should be available to him 24/7. I told him, nope, I only work 9-5. 

Maybe he's just playing around but his persistence concerns me.  I don't know how much longer i'm going to be able to keep him at bay. I'm afraid he's going to come waltzing in to my office one day soon. I can't transfer him to anyone else as his boss has already said from the beginning I am the only person they're going to deal with and they have alot of money so my boss says we are going to do whatever we need to do to keep them happy. I can't quit my job as I have 2 young children and a daughter in college, so I am basically stuck riding out this situation. I am so ashamed to say I find myself fantasizing about him more and more, whereas before it was his college self, sometimes now it's his current because he's still so damn handsome and the other day when me and my husband were having sex and he took me from behind, I thought of present him. I felt so awful, but it made me cum right away and I never cum in that position. How do i get myself out of this situation without affecting my job? Do I tell the guy who I am? Do i continue to play stupid and hope he'll lose interest in getting together?  I don't know if he really just wants to talk business or something more. I've had my fair share of married  flirty clients over the years but most turned out to be harmless  He has an attractive wife and 2 beautiful daughters. I don't know why he would want to potentially destroy that but some of the things he says seem a little out of line for a married man, and I don't think his wife would appreciate it.  I've only discussed this with my bff and a few coworkers. They all think he's trying to start an affair with me.. I can't tell any of my other friends because they are my hubby's friends too and would probably tell him. I really need some unbiased advice. 

 

[mark clemson]

This is an easy one. Do absolutely nothing with him, stop the skyping - take it to phone, keep it professional, and if he ever shows up unexpectedly ask that he leave and if necessary threaten to discuss the inappropriate action with your and his bosses. Part of this is coming from you or it wouldn't have gotten this far.

Remember that, despite the temptation, engaging him would risk blowing up both your lives. Especially yours as many men are quite unforgiving when it comes to affairs. Do you really want a divorce AND probably losing you job simultaneously??

Bottom line is it's simply not worth the risk. You know that, so pull further away and if he chases, put up walls. It's not that hard - as I'm sure you know.

[princessaurora]

1 hour ago, mark clemson said:

This is an easy one. Do absolutely nothing with him, stop the skyping - take it to phone, keep it professional, and if he ever shows up unexpectedly ask that he leave and if necessary threaten to discuss the inappropriate action with your and his bosses. Part of this is coming from you or it wouldn't have gotten this far.

Remember that, despite the temptation, engaging him would risk blowing up both your lives. Especially yours as many men are quite unforgiving when it comes to affairs. Do you really want a divorce AND probably losing you job simultaneously??

Bottom line is it's simply not worth the risk. You know that, so pull further away and if he chases, put up walls. It's not that hard - as I'm sure you know.

My boss doesn't care about anything but the money his company is depositing into our bank, so if he shows up, I'm going to be expected to service him as any other customer. He even knows about his proposal to meet up for dinner and recommended I take another coworker with me if I'm uneasy about being alone with him. (He said just tell our client she's in training and needs to observe) If he shows up at the office, we are behind plexiglass so he would just stand in front of me since that's all that's allowed. Still I would rather not physically interact with him so I do meetings with him on Skype as my company has been doing for alot of our high dollar customers. We mostly talk about banking but he throws in flirty comments here and there. I wouldn't lose my job because we don't have any rules against dating clients. One of our tellers  actually just had a baby with a guy who started out as a customer and now they're engaged. So the biggest thing would be my marriage if he tried to take things beyond the professional relationship which I am not going to put myself in a situation to happen. I love my husband and family. If you've ever read any of my posts, you'll know he really is my soulmate.  I would never cheat. But this other guy is  very attractive and I can't stop myself from thinking about him. I'm still dumfounded he popped  back up in my life after so long. I really thought he lived far away. I would have never started writing erotica about him had I know there was even the slightest chance we'd ever interact again. So, not as easy a fix as you might think because I have to keep his company happy. I guess I'll just continue to stand firm against anything that could branch out beyond our business relationship and hope he takes the hint.

Thanks for responding🙂

[mark clemson]

19 hours ago, princessaurora said:

 I guess I'll just continue to stand firm against anything that could branch out beyond our business relationship and hope he takes the hint.

Thanks for responding🙂

Np. What you wrote above should work. It's up to you to make sure it does.

[schlumpy]

Do not deal with him, the key is his wife.

Figure out a way to get an anonymous message to her about his interest in a certain bank financial manager: AKA you. You might be able to do it from a fake email account (library computer) or with a background rumor that a common friend that is sure to pass on. Do not leave any electronic finger prints. Maybe you could buy a cheap old computer that is only good for email. Once the deed is done. Get rid of the computer.

If they are not in an open relationship you should find future meetings very brisk and professional.

[princessaurora]

3 hours ago, schlumpy said:

Do not deal with him, the key is his wife.

Figure out a way to get an anonymous message to her about his interest in a certain bank financial manager: AKA you. You might be able to do it from a fake email account (library computer) or with a background rumor that a common friend that is sure to pass on. Do not leave any electronic finger prints. Maybe you could buy a cheap old computer that is only good for email. Once the deed is done. Get rid of the computer.

If they are not in an open relationship you should find future meetings very brisk and professional.

Thanks schlumpy for your feedback. 

If he had acted on something, I could definitely see doing this, but what if he's just flirting and doesn't plan on following through with anything? It's not uncommon for married clients to compliment me. It just usually doesn't involve making comments that look like they want out of the marriage. If he's just joking around, I don't  want to mess up his life when I'm not even 100% certain of his true motives. His company does have 6 accounts so  maybe he really does need more detailed financial consulting and meeting him halfway would be the polite thing to do, professionally.  Is there any way to know for sure other than meeting with him if he's looking to bang me or just blowing smoke? I mean obviously, if I brought someone with me, he wouldn't hit on me right in front of her, unless he's looking for a threesome. Lol

I guess I could suggest he bring his wife along, but based on the refinancing comment,  I have a pretty good idea how he'd respond. 

 

[Minos]

On 10/9/2020 at 9:02 PM, princessaurora said:

 ...and hope he takes the hint.

 

He wil not.

The rules of the "ficctional pact" (like the one between the writer and the reader) are still the hidden / implicit "rules of the game" of your otherwise bussiness relationship.

The only way he will take a NO is saying to him NO to what is not said. 

And not only to his indirect advances, still ambiguous (socially acceptable) but mainly to it´s real meaning.

Blow the game.

Except if you enjoy it.

And, if you do, you are being his accomplice, no matter your intentions.

Edited October 11, 2020 by Minos

[ExpatInItaly]

Tell him all conversation must be related to work, and that his inquires into your personal life make you uncomfortable and it needs to stop. 

Asset your boundaries, and stick to it - even if it feels good to be flattered by this guy.

[DKT3]

Come on your an adult woman and you know how to dismiss a guy your not interested in....ha but there is the problem,  you are interested so you won't do what you need to.

There is nothing anyone here can say to help you because you don't really want help

[princessaurora]

2 hours ago, Minos said:

He wil not.

The rules of the "ficctional pact" (like the one between the writer and the reader) are still the hidden / implicit "rules of the game" of your otherwise bussiness relationship.

The only way he will take a NO is saying to him NO to what is not said. 

And not only to his indirect advances, still ambiguous (socially acceptable) but mainly to it´s real meaning.

Blow the game.

Except if you enjoy it.

And, if you do, you are being his accomplice, no matter your intentions.

Thanks for your input Minos.

So, do you think I should tell him I am his sister's old friend? Maybe once the mystery is over he'll lose interest. I feel so stupid for denying it in the first place. It seemed like a good idea at the time because i had no idea he was the controller of the company and would be the primary client of the account. But then he'll ask me why I lied and what am I supposed to say? I'm sure as heck not going to tell him because  I write erotic stories about him and can't have fantasy become reality. That would either freak him out or entice him more. 

[princessaurora]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Tell him all conversation must be related to work, and that his inquires into your personal life make you uncomfortable and it needs to stop. 

Asset your boundaries, and stick to it - even if it feels good to be flattered by this guy.

I've told him that in a more polite way. In my line of business we do generally discuss some personal things as well with our clients. It's all part of building the relationship and it helps establish a bond and trust with a client. We normally discuss kids, common interests, upcoming vacations, current events as we talk about finances, so I can't just come out and say it like that. Whenever he strays from banking business discussion, I tell him quit being nosy and let's get back to the purpose of the meeting. I've discouraged him from coming to my office several times and told him I don't eat out right now, due to covid. I just say thank you when he compliments me and when he makes negative comments about his wife, I steer him back to discussing his accounts. I am not doing anything to feed his behavior, whatever the motive is. I'm trying to do this in a way that I don't jeopardize the financial relationship because they have millions of dollars with us. As for being flattered, yes I will admit to that. He is still very good-looking ,  and in all the years i've been married, I've never been this attracted to another man. It makes me feel awful, but I can't seem to control it. That is why I will never put myself in a situation where anything can happen though I could never see myself cheating. Still, I can't deny  I'm sexually attracted to him and even though  I can't make him disappear out of my fantasies, I need to keep him out of my real life as much as possible. .  

I guess I will just continue to discourage him and if my boss does insist we have an in-person meeting, there will definitely be someone else there. 

Thanks ExpatInItaly:)

[princessaurora]

1 hour ago, DKT3 said:

Come on your an adult woman and you know how to dismiss a guy your not interested in....ha but there is the problem,  you are interested so you won't do what you need to.

There is nothing anyone here can say to help you because you don't really want help

Hi DKT3, thanks for chiming in.

I don't know what more I can do without being rude. It may all be harmless flirting for all I know. I don't engage him, that's for sure. But I'm walking a fine line because of the importance he is to my company. They are very cutthroat and all about profit. They would practically whore me out to keep clients happy, I can assure you .But i've been there 20 years and I make good money, so I'm not about to piss off an account holder who has close to 500 million dollars with us. That's my dilemma and that's why i'm asking for help. I need to keep him at bay without making him wanna move their business elsewhere. As for your accusation of me being interested. I would certainly be if neither of us were married, and yes I do get off on the fact that he still looks at me the same way he did back then. I can tell you If we were both single, that business meeting would have already taken place, probably in his bed.   But the reality is, we are both married with families  and I can't speak for him, but my marriage is not lacking. My husband is still very attractive, he's a great father and an amazing lover, I don't want for anything. I just need to find the balance between keeping his company happy with our services without having to provide additional ones that could jeopardize my marriage. 

[Azincourt]

Bring along with you some female and male co-workers if you have to meet him in person and never talk to him alone and stay away from him as much as possible.

[schlumpy]

7 hours ago, princessaurora said:

I mean obviously, if I brought someone with me, he wouldn't hit on me right in front of her, unless he's looking for a threesome. Lol

I guess I could suggest he bring his wife along, but based on the refinancing comment,  I have a pretty good idea how he'd respond. 

 

I chewed your dilemma over with my wife to get her point of view.

She suggested that you invite them out with your husband and demonstrate your devotion. We debated whether your husband should be told about the situation. If you can handle it as you did the other men that hit on you then perhaps not although this time I sense you are in much more danger. Telling your husband may be the helpline you need depending on his reaction. 

Yes, I know contacting his wife is big risk without knowing the details of their relationship. She could be one of those people that look the other way as long as their SO comes home to them. They could have an open relationship. She might react by making you the villain. Lots of unknown here but if you are very clever the message or rumor will never be traced to you. You do seem to have the resources to hire someone to do this which would keep you out of the loop.

The danger here is for you and that danger is losing your marriage. How do you measure the danger? If you were to have a fling and your SO finds out would he look the other way? That lessens the danger. If you don't care about your marriage or kids then that also makes the danger less because the consequences are less emotionally severe.

This is you balancing your fantasy against the damage you will face to your reality.

I still think the key is his wife and If her getting angry about flirting will wreck his marriage then that's not your problem as long as you save your own.

You do realize that wayward wives use this same excuse to convince their betrayed husband to not out the affair to the other betrayed spouse? Use it as an objective measure of how far in you've allowed yourself to be drawn into an emotional affair.

"It will wreck their marriage and he has two young kids,"  the WW will angrily proclaim. Her voice dripping with moral indignation 

So do you.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, princessaurora said:

As for being flattered, yes I will admit to that. He is still very good-looking ,  and in all the years i've been married, I've never been this attracted to another man. It makes me feel awful, but I can't seem to control it. That is why I will never put myself in a situation where anything can happen though I could never see myself cheating. Still, I can't deny  I'm sexually attracted to him and even though  I can't make him disappear out of my fantasies, I need to keep him out of my real life as much as possible. .  

I guess I will just continue to discourage him and if my boss does insist we have an in-person meeting, there will definitely be someone else there. 

This is a big part of your problem. You're enjoying his attention and I sense you don't want to come right out and tell him to knock it off not only for professional reasons but also because you don't exactly want him to stop, either. It feels good and you never though he noticed you. And know that he does, you're having a hard time really drawing a boundary. 

I get that you don't to damage your professional ties to him, but I also hear a lot of excuses for this continued flirting and personal banter in your responses. Would you be struggling this much to keep it professional if he were unattractive and not the object of your long-standing fantasy? I doubt it. 

So ask yourself this: if this attention were coming from any other client who you weren't attracted to, how would you discourage it? That's what you need to do here. 

[princessaurora]

5 hours ago, schlumpy said:

I chewed your dilemma over with my wife to get her point of view.

She suggested that you invite them out with your husband and demonstrate your devotion. We debated whether your husband should be told about the situation. If you can handle it as you did the other men that hit on you then perhaps not although this time I sense you are in much more danger. Telling your husband may be the helpline you need depending on his reaction. 

Yes, I know contacting his wife is big risk without knowing the details of their relationship. She could be one of those people that look the other way as long as their SO comes home to them. They could have an open relationship. She might react by making you the villain. Lots of unknown here but if you are very clever the message or rumor will never be traced to you. You do seem to have the resources to hire someone to do this which would keep you out of the loop.

The danger here is for you and that danger is losing your marriage. How do you measure the danger? If you were to have a fling and your SO finds out would he look the other way? That lessens the danger. If you don't care about your marriage or kids then that also makes the danger less because the consequences are less emotionally severe.

This is you balancing your fantasy against the damage you will face to your reality.

I still think the key is his wife and If her getting angry about flirting will wreck his marriage then that's not your problem as long as you save your own.

You do realize that wayward wives use this same excuse to convince their betrayed husband to not out the affair to the other betrayed spouse? Use it as an objective measure of how far in you've allowed yourself to be drawn into an emotional affair.

"It will wreck their marriage and he has two young kids,"  the WW will angrily proclaim. Her voice dripping with moral indignation 

So do you.

 

I have thought about telling him. I have all the times in the past, but the problem is my husband knows about my erotic stories and he doesn't care because they're all based on life before him. That is my stress outlet. Some smoke, some drink, I write. I have a therapist and he even said don't stop writing, it's your passion, so that is not an option. This time it's just very  different because this person is trying to reinsert himself in my life, whether that be for professional reasons, or something more, I'm not quite sure of.  He may just be a flirty person. That's how he was with me back when he was in college, but I was still in high school and a virgin, so it never became anything else. I've had several incidences where I've gotten men to back off by getting my husband involved. I am pretty passive and generally don't like confrontation, so that's usually the only way I can diffuse the intense situations and I've dealt with sexual harassment since I was about 17. It got really out of hand at my previous job when the top sales person started touching me inappropriately. I tried to go to my manager, but he basically threatened to fire me if I didnt keep my mouth shut and my husband/then fiance had to step in to get it to stop. I also quit shortly after that. I know i could have filed a lawsuit, but I didn't want my career ruined. A few years ago I went to a bachelorette party which involved going to clubs and the  guys would not leave me alone. I am quite attractive and have a great ass, so the attention can get overwhelming at times, especially in an atmosphere made mostly for singles. We ran into a group of guys the bride knew and one of them basically offered to be my dance partner for the night so that i'd be left alone. All we did was dance and he seemed like a decent guy, but then one of his friends got his butt kicked, ended up in the hospital,  and I had to give him a ride home. Nothing happened between us, but he went and told everyone we hooked up and by the following weekend at the wedding it was a big scandal. Let's just say my husband and the groom "handled" him after the wedding.  In other instances, I've diffused attention by showing my devotion to my husband as ya'll suggested. We're naturally pretty pda anyway so if we're out and about and I see one of my stalker customers, I just amp that up a bit more and their whole attitude changes next time they pop in at the bank.  But this time is a very unique case because I do kind of know this guy and I am very attracted to him. I know i'm going to get alot of flack for that but I am, he's very sexy. I want to tell my husband because I think it may keep me in check, but I am scared this situation might be a little too much for him emotionally. I don't want him to start getting paranoid every time I walk out the door or become insecure about our relationship. I still don't feel comfortable involving his wife because we haven't even physically been together. It's all phone, email, and skype. He may be all talk, no action. And we're not friends so i don't want to go on a double date. One of my coworkers already said if he ever crosses the line, she will be the first one to reach out to the wife, so I already have a wingwoman. This is a big old mess. At least i'm on vacation till Wed so i dont have to deal with it for a few days. Hopefully with all the feedback, I'll be able to come up with a definitive plan. 

Tell your wife thanks for her input. 

[princessaurora]

6 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is a big part of your problem. You're enjoying his attention and I sense you don't want to come right out and tell him to knock it off not only for professional reasons but also because you don't exactly want him to stop, either. It feels good and you never though he noticed you. And know that he does, you're having a hard time really drawing a boundary. 

I get that you don't to damage your professional ties to him, but I also hear a lot of excuses for this continued flirting and personal banter in your responses. Would you be struggling this much to keep it professional if he were unattractive and not the object of your long-standing fantasy? I doubt it. 

So ask yourself this: if this attention were coming from any other client who you weren't attracted to, how would you discourage it? That's what you need to do here. 

As I said in my post to schlumpy, I'm pretty passive when it comes to getting hit on. In my profession, you don't want to make your clients feel bad. They often make "if i were single, or if I would have got to you before I met my wife" comments and I usually just chuckle and we move on. That's how I discourage it. I never get nasty because we're well trained to remain professional with our clients. I do the same thing with him, so i am not flirting back. I'm certainly not saying "yeah, I wish i was single too so i can screw your brains out ," Am i thinking it, hell yes .I am a sexual person and he feeds those desires. But I am not single and neither is he. One night of hot passionate sex with him is not worth losing the man i fell for on sight at 19 years old or destroying the love and respect our oldest daughter has for me along with my two little ones that would never understand why mommy and daddy aren't together anymore. It would destroy my immediate family as well. I told my mom B's brother recently opened an account with us and he's still really handsome. She stopped me right there, looked me straight in the eyes and firmly said "you have a husband"  We've talked about cute guys before and she's never reacted that way. It scares me that she saw something that immediately made her abruptly end that conversation. I am attracted, but I know not to step over those boundaries, and that's why I treat him like every other client that carries on like this. He throws comments, I say nothing or tell him to get back on track. I don't know what more I can do without going against the way I was trained to handle these things. It just wouldn't get to me that much if I wasn't attracted to him. Getting hit on is typical for me even at my age because i take very good care of myself, so I am not surprised that he noticed me now, or back then. It just feels a little more intense because even before he reentered my life, i was fantasizing about him, and that is just a very surreal experience. Problem is, I knew nothing about him for over 20 years. His looks could have diminished drastically and I assumed at nearly 50 they probably had.  I figured he'd be average looking at best, I'd ask how his sister was doing and maybe joke around about how I had the biggest crush on him in high school. Then we'd move on. But when he popped up on skype, and i saw he looked more like the guy from 365 (something my coworkers brought to my attention and now I can't unsee it),  my mind started screaming deny! deny! deny!  I was seriously taken aback by how damn hot he still is. I thought maybe it was another associate stepping in on the call because few men look that good at 50 in my experience. But after seeing his smile and facial expressions, I realized it was him, just older. But he doesn't look anywhere near his age.I would have guessed 35-40 if I didnt know him. And that's why his persistence in getting together in person surprises me. If he wants to have a fling, he could easily pull the attention of a beautiful 20 something without the money to back it up. All the girls I work with agree. So while I'm not in shock he thinks i'm attractive, I cant imagine he'd choose someone in her 40's to have an affair with, when he could probably have someone much younger.  Unless this isn't his first rodeo, and I guess that can't be ruled out.  I do wonder if I came clean and he knew it was me and how old I am if that would cool things down. But if he really wanted to know it wouldn't be hard for him to find out. We know he looks at my fb or has at least once. There are pictures of me from my whole life so all he'd have to do is show his sister and the jig would be up. He may have already done that for all I know and is continuing to play a game I unknowingly started until I decide to tell him the truth. But if i do confess, I wouldn't know what to say when he asks me we why I was dishonest. That's the problem. 

[DKT3]

All you've done here is make excuses as to why you can't stop this.  

If you get really honest with yourself,  why is that? 

This is how most affairs start. You are interested in a man who is not your husband,  you are making excuses as to why you can't stop it,  you are minimizing whats going on. 

Before you know yoy will be saying "oh I never intended on having sex with him" 

Its literally the same story as most of the MW who post here.

The reality is,  its a simple fix, if you really want to fix it.

[princessaurora]

11 hours ago, Azincourt said:

Bring along with you some female and male co-workers if you have to meet him in person and never talk to him alone and stay away from him as much as possible.

Other than my manager. It's all girls. Our guy associate got fired a few months ago. My manager already said he's not going because having a superior there during a meeting sometimes makes clients uncomfortable. Of course, this rarely takes place outside the office. I might just take two "trainees" with me if it comes to that.  They all think he's smokin hot, so I won't have any trouble finding a volunteer. The first will definitely be the one who already has his wife on speed dial and she's already agreed. Hopefully, hell lose interest before it comes to that. I mean I'm not giving him anything back, so he's gotta run out of steam eventually, I would think.

Thanks Az. 

[DKT3]

One last post for me because I personally believe you are enjoying this and have admitted your interest. 

The picture your painting is this guys business with your company is based on you being open to his advancement.  That if you put your foot down they will pull thier business.  Come on, that sounds ridiculous.  Which is why I believe you enjoy the attention. 

Tell your husband this guy is hitting on you, your unwillingness to do so is very telling.  Secondly every time he compliments you you can simply say my husband thinks so too. Or you can do what most unintended married women would do make it clear your not interested in his advances. But not doing so you are giving him the go ahead. But you know all this, as I said you are an adult woman who has been getting hit on for 25+ years. You just have to want to. 

I would say good luck but you don't need luck to get out of this, just a desire to do so.

[princessaurora]

2 hours ago, DKT3 said:

Before you know yoy will be saying "oh I never intended on having sex with him" 

How is this going to happen if i'm never alone with him? 

 

43 minutes ago, DKT3 said:

Or you can do what most unintended married women would do make it clear your not interested in his advances.

I'm discouraging him from coming to my office and I've refused to meet him outside the branch. Is that not making it clear I'm not interested? I can't help the skype meetings. That is my workplace's policy, not mine. I just come to work in the morning and they pop up on my schedule. I have no say in it. it is just a temporary covid policy till we can safely  have face to face meetings again. I think if I jump the gun and tell him i'm not interested he may pull his business because that is going to make things very awkward between us, especially if he's not really serious. That's why i've never done it to a client in my 20 years there. I accept their compliments but don't entertain them. I'm doing the same thing with him. This isn't some guy at a club I can blow off because I'm never going to see him again. This is a very wealthy client  who my company is hoping will stay with us for years to come. so I have to tread lightly. You have to remember, they only opened this account six months ago. He isn't going to want to have his finances in the hands of a woman who rejected him when he hadn't even made a true advance on her.  These are not excuses, just facts. 

1 hour ago, DKT3 said:

every time he compliments you you can simply say my husband thinks so too

Now this is an idea that sounds doable. I could just keep incorporating my husband into any non business conversation. He often compliments my attire as well, so maybe I could start saying "Thanks, my husband bought/picked it out for me." It wouldn't be hurtful, but would get the point across. 

 

1 hour ago, DKT3 said:

I personally believe you are enjoying this and have admitted your interest. 

Yes, I love that a man I fantasize about has a mutual attraction towards me . Any girl would, married or not. It's fuel for the fantasy, whereas if he didn't it would crush it.  But I wouldn't go as far as to say i'm interested. If I was I wouldn't be bending over backwards to avoid seeing him. I also wouldn't be on here asking for help. I'm not looking for permission or validation to have an affair. I'm just looking for the key to diffusing his flirtations without making him, as a very important client, feel uncomfortable.  

 

 

[princessaurora]

Does anyone think revealing my true identity will put a stop to this?  He may enjoy the 20 questions game I accidentally started. It seems most of his questions are geared towards figuring out if i'm his sister's former friend (what's my last name, where did i grow up). Maybe if the mystery is solved he would tone things way down. 

But if I decide to this and he asks me why i didnt admit it in the first place, what do I say? I can't tell him about the stories, so I need another angle. Any ideas? 

[schlumpy]

You mentioned previously that he may already know who you are. That may be what is creating the flirting to begin with. That has a high probability of being true since he's looked at your FB page.

He's curious as to why you won't admit it. Perhaps he senses a disadvantage in recognizing you but not getting the same in return. 

Hold to your course and make sure your wingman has your six.

[salparadise]

1 hour ago, princessaurora said:

Yes, I love that a man I fantasize about has a mutual attraction towards me . Any girl would, married or not. It's fuel for the fantasy, whereas if he didn't it would crush it.  But I wouldn't go as far as to say i'm interested.

Oh I would. You said yourself that if you weren't married you'd already be banging him. You are beyond interested, you're smitten and invested in this fantasy that's trying to cross the boundary. You have a very active and literal erotic imagination, and it's getting difficult to control due to the guy being so attractive and persistent. The only things keeping you from diving in head first are consequences, and a rather strong superego (which you should thank for keeping you out of trouble). Starting this thread and discussing details openly is titillating, a way of engaging it and allowing it to become more real. Even your username and avatar suggest this active interplay with your fantasy world (not to mention your hobby, Ms. Friday). 

If you weren't being obviously affected this guy would have quit a long time ago. You can say no, but if you're blushing and gigging as you do it belies your actual feelings. He knows he making you wet and he's enjoying it as much as you are. I'm not saying you're evil or anything... in fact, I think you're the best kind of bad. I'm just saying that you might as well admit to the whole shenanigan as opposed to acting like you've done everything you can to shut him down. Attractive women know how to shut it down, and they know how to play coy too. 

PS: I would not admit to him who you are. It's only going to give him more leverage.

Edited October 11, 2020 by salparadise

[princessaurora]

3 hours ago, salparadise said:

Oh I would. You said yourself that if you weren't married you'd already be banging him. You are beyond interested, you're smitten and invested in this fantasy that's trying to cross the boundary. You have a very active and literal erotic imagination, and it's getting difficult to control due to the guy being so attractive and persistent. The only things keeping you from diving in head first are consequences, and a rather strong superego (which you should thank for keeping you out of trouble). Starting this thread and discussing details openly is titillating, a way of engaging it and allowing it to become more real. Even your username and avatar suggest this active interplay with your fantasy world (not to mention your hobby, Ms. Friday). 

If you weren't being obviously affected this guy would have quit a long time ago. You can say no, but if you're blushing and gigging as you do it belies your actual feelings. He knows he making you wet and he's enjoying it as much as you are. I'm not saying you're evil or anything... in fact, I think you're the best kind of bad. I'm just saying that you might as well admit to the whole shenanigan as opposed to acting like you've done everything you can to shut him down. Attractive women know how to shut it down, and they know how to play coy too. 

PS: I would not admit to him who you are. It's only going to give him more leverage.

Ah, Sal,  you don't sugar coat anything do you?  This isn't the first time you've teased me about my name or avatars, just so you know. You're very observant and your comments are always entertaining. You're actually one of my favorite posters. 

I won't lie. Some of what you said is spot on, lest as i'd like to admit, but the bottom line is I am not going to put myself in a situation that can negatively affect my marriage. This I can promise you . I've seen the heartbreak affairs often bring and I would never take part is such a treacherous behavior. I was blessed to find someone I connected with on every level and  am 100% committed to my husband.  But I also have a job I get very well paid to do and that is keep clients happy. So how do I dump a bucket of ice water on this guy without giving him pneumonia in the process? That's the million dollar question which needs to be answered.