Uruktopi Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 59 minutes ago, SincereOnlineGuy said: albeit a factually incorrect one Yours are, each one. His, in the opposite, factually true when you identify what is relevant, as you don´t. Missing the core of the object is not at all a good standpoint for claiming objectivity. I will say about no later than I get less bussy. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 1 hour ago, SincereOnlineGuy said: As the definition of "affair" is "...between two people", there is zero chance that this qualified as an "affair". The guy didn't (and still doesn't) even "know" it's the same young friend of his little sister's. So htf could they have traded "emotion" in the midst of that? Oh he knows. Ultimately what you and I think doesn't matter, it appears her husband believes she has done something very wrong, his opinion is the only one that matters 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 1 hour ago, DKT3 said: Ultimately what you and I think doesn't matter, it appears her husband believes she has done something very wrong, his opinion is the only one that matters You are right, once more. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 6 hours ago, SincereOnlineGuy said: Once again: the definition of "affair" is "...Between two people" So, zero chance of an affair in this. He still doesn't even know he has the right person. Believe what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 6 hours ago, SincereOnlineGuy said: An "affair partner" who doesn't even know who she is? Can't happen. You do know that he was trying to meet up with her, right? You am an have a emotional affair with someone you never met up with physically. All you have to do is become emotionally involved with them. Clearly PA was sexually lusting over the other man. Clearly OM wanted to meet up with PA. This was an emotional affair on both sides. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 6 hours ago, SincereOnlineGuy said: Once again: the definition of "affair" is "...Between two people" So, zero chance of an affair in this. He still doesn't even know he has the right person. Why the hell are you talking about???? There is two people involved, PA and the guy from her past the she desperately wanted to f***. She knew better then to meet in person. This is TWO people being involved. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 6 hours ago, SincereOnlineGuy said: An "affair partner" who doesn't even know who she is? Can't happen. 1000’s of people cheat on their SO never knowing the other person’s name. You don’t have to know a name to emotionally or physically cheat with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 (edited) 19 hours ago, princessaurora said: Yes, my own body did betray me and my mind a bit too due to the fantasy. I don't call him HP anymore. That was just a name my bestie called him to break the emotional tension during our conversation. I just call him my work headache now and honestly if it wasn't for the fantasy that's what he would have been from the beginning. I really think you are a great person. You didn’t act on your feelings when you had the chance like others have. Sorry if I pushed a little hard, we all have to look at the truth to heal and recover from it. We don’t always like who we see looking back at us in the mirror. Hope you and your husband have a stronger and happier future from here. Edited October 22, 2020 by usa1ah 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author princessaurora Posted October 23, 2020 Author Share Posted October 23, 2020 (edited) On 10/19/2020 at 11:15 PM, DKT3 said: 13 hours ago, usa1ah said: I really think you are a great person. You didn’t act on your feelings when you had the chance like others have. Sorry if I pushed a little hard, we all have to look at the truth to heal and recover from it. We don’t always like who we see looking back at us in the mirror. Hope you and your husband have a stronger and happier future from here. Thank you. No worries. I needed all that pushing to pull me out of this.. But, now that I've come to my senses, I just wanna focus on repairing my relationship and regaining my husband's trust. Edited October 23, 2020 by princessaurora Remove quote 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author princessaurora Posted October 23, 2020 Author Share Posted October 23, 2020 21 hours ago, SincereOnlineGuy said: The part where he was so concerned "(does anybody else know about this?)" sorta suggested his sudden awakening. I wasn't sure if he was referring to his not so subtle email or the situation as a whole, but either way it seems he got the message loud and clear. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 14 minutes ago, princessaurora said: Thank you. No worries. I needed all that pushing to pull me out of this.. But, now that I've come to my senses, I just wanna focus on repairing my relationship and regaining my husband's trust. Unfortunately, that will be very difficult given your history and the fact that you are bored with your husband. Also, like many of the posters here, I don't think you truly grasp the depth of this. I honestly get a picture that you really don't care that deeply for your husband. Sometimes its hard to face that. My wife had spinal decompress surgery and was medical restricted from sexual activities for two months. During which she cried daily because she couldn't give me sex. You went three years and now say (in so many words) that you're disgusted sexual by your husband and connect it to unpleasantness, yet was extremely excited about this other guy. I'm a big picture guy, and looking at the big picture, I believe there we come a realization that your marriage has likely run its course. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 6 minutes ago, DKT3 said: My wife had spinal decompress surgery and was medical restricted from sexual activities for two months. During which she cried daily because she couldn't give me sex. This is OT, but THAT sure doesn't sound mentally healthy at all. What's going on with your wife? If she's so insecure that she's scared you'll leave after just two months, THAT'S no way to be married. If she's a sex addict, that would be a big problem too. Seriously, she should get some help for whatever's driving that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 7 minutes ago, mark clemson said: This is OT, but THAT sure doesn't sound mentally healthy at all. What's going on with your wife? If she's so insecure that she's scared you'll leave after just two months, THAT'S no way to be married. If she's a sex addict, that would be a big problem too. Seriously, she should get some help for whatever's driving that. Man, there was alot going on there. Mostly fear that her life would be physically changed. I believe her fear was more based in long term. My point was she felt bad about two months. OP went three years and was actually mean to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author princessaurora Posted October 23, 2020 Author Share Posted October 23, 2020 7 minutes ago, DKT3 said: Unfortunately, that will be very difficult given your history and the fact that you are bored with your husband. Also, like many of the posters here, I don't think you truly grasp the depth of this. I honestly get a picture that you really don't care that deeply for your husband. Sometimes its hard to face that. My wife had spinal decompress surgery and was medical restricted from sexual activities for two months. During which she cried daily because she couldn't give me sex. You went three years and now say (in so many words) that you're disgusted sexual by your husband and connect it to unpleasantness, yet was extremely excited about this other guy. I'm a big picture guy, and looking at the big picture, I believe there we come a realization that your marriage has likely run its course. I wanna cry just reading this post because it's absolutely not true. I love my husband unconditionally and I am not bored. We travel, spend hours talking, laugh together. He's the only person I could spend my life with because he doesn't bore me. This is a very unique circumstance. The pain from my IC was so excruciating I used to just pray the Lord would take me. So if I'm in so much pain I wanna die, how am I supposed to have sex? Problem was my husband had a hard time accepting this and if I even hugged him he would advance on me because he wanted that intimacy again so badly. I knew sex was out of the question because I could barely even move and I started associating any kind of affection he tried to give me with pain. This is a psychological reaction that is difficult to overcome even once I started feeling better. Basically, when he touched me, my pelvic floor muscles locked up because they were trying to protect me from that pain. So there was no way I was going to be able to completely relax with the person I associated with that pain till I rebuilt my sexuality through another avenue. That's why my therapist advised me to start fantasizing and thinking about the person I was before him. The purpose of that was to work towards not associating him with excruciatingly painful sex. It just escalated into something much crazier as we all know. I love my husband to the ends of the earth. The fantasy with the other guy fed my sex drive because I didn't associate it with pain. I visualized myself, young, sex crazed, and healthy. I did not have a conscious desire to be with another man. That was not me. It was totally on a subonscious level and that's why I had to nip it in the bud asap ,because I felt myself losing my identity in that semi delusional state. So I do not believe this marriage has run its course and I will do everything I can to save it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author princessaurora Posted October 23, 2020 Author Share Posted October 23, 2020 32 minutes ago, DKT3 said: My point was she felt bad about two months. OP went three years and was actually mean to him. I was mean to everyone. My life as I knew it had been stolen from me and I was mad at the world. I couldn't have sex with my husband, couldn't hardly eat anything because it would flare me, couldn't have a drink with friends anymore, couldn't attend functions for my kids most of the time because I was writhing in pain. I was beyond angry and took it out on alot of people, my husband included. Interstitial cystitis turns you into someone you barely recognize. It is one of the top 3 most painful chronic conditions in the world and makes you go nearly insane. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I'm not proud I reacted that way, but it definitely brought out the worst in me. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 That sounds like a terrible therapist. I mean how does fantasizing about guys from your past help you be sexual attracted to your husband? In retrospect would you say that worked? I know it may seem like I'm being hard on you, but the truth is seeing the big picture and being completely honest with yourself is the only way through. You dissatisfaction with your husband is deeper then sex. You have made several comments that contradict your last few posts. One being you had to remember back to when you first fell in love with your husband....That suggests that that love is no longer there. You also said you were bored with your husband and annoyed by him wanting sex. Right now you are scared with has you in an emotional state. That isn't necessarily love. Often when this kind of stuff comes to light the first response is bust butt to reclaim it. Its after that simmers down that things start to become more clear. In a month or two I imagine both you and your husband will have a different perspective. You may find that the effort it takes is harder to come by, and your husband may feel the gap from a sexless three years followed by you lusting after another man is too much to overcome. I'm sorry, I just don't see it. I truly believe there is far more damage here then you are willing to face. Hopefully you can prove me wrong, I'm just not sure you will have it in you, the desire. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author princessaurora Posted October 23, 2020 Author Share Posted October 23, 2020 3 hours ago, DKT3 said: That sounds like a terrible therapist. I mean how does fantasizing about guys from your past help you be sexual attracted to your husband? In retrospect would you say that worked? I had become completely asexual due to my condition. I wasn't sexually attracted to anyone. It had nothing to do with my husband. In order to reignite my sexuality again I had to temporarily focus my memories somewhere else and it did work. It helped me remember the sexual I being I was before this and over time in a sense become her again. When I would visualize myself in my earlier days there was no pain trigger stepping in my way.. Had I been single and sleeping with different guys around the time I was developing the condition, any of them would have triggered that pain response. It wasn't about my husband per se, it was about getting around that pain response and it happened in baby steps. But eventually I was able to stop associating that pain with my husband and reignite our sex life. The fantasies and my writing helped me heal and power through when my condition would flare up so I didn't fall right back to that asexual place .It also helped me overcome my fears so we could have the same great sex life we used to enjoy before IC took that from me. That's the best way I can explain it. You'd have to research IC to even get an idea of how horrific s condition it is. 3 hours ago, DKT3 said: You dissatisfaction with your husband is deeper then sex. You have made several comments that contradict your last few posts. One being you had to remember back to when you first fell in love with your husband....That suggests that that love is no longer there. You also said you were bored with your husband and annoyed by him wanting sex. There is no dissatisfaction with my husband , just a deep fear of falling back to that asexual place. I never said I was annoyed he wanted sex. I was scared to have sex because of the pain it would inflict on me. I have never forgotten what it was like when I first met my husband. I just remembered it so vividly the other night because I was in such an extreme state of emotion, it was like I had time travelled back and was truly reliving the moment. And I never once said i was bored with my husband. You are putting words in my mouth or getting me confused with another poster. 4 hours ago, DKT3 said: I'm sorry, I just don't see it. I truly believe there is far more damage here then you are willing to face. Hopefully you can prove me wrong, I'm just not sure you will have it in you, the desire. There is damage, but I believe it is fixable because we truly love each other. If other people can get past this when they had an actual physical affair, some that have lasted quite awhile, I am confident we can get past a potential physical affair that never happened because I love my husband so much I would never allow it to. What I need now is positivity and support, not someone constantly reminding me of what I've done and trying to convince me I don't love my husband when that is absolutely not true. I already know what I've done and I take full responsibility for my part in it. Now I have to fix the damage it's it's created. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 I'm not trying to convince you of anything...truth is Im simply reacting to what you've said in your posts. Love is action, your actions dont really match your words. I will say you have made progress on the situation with the other man...however thats not really the problem is it. Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 I always wondered why it is so common for women to lose interest in their husband sexually, even if they don't let themselves go. I'm not necessarily saying this is the case for Princess A, but it seems to be the cause of so much cheating and so many divorces. If I was your husband, I would be floored by the fact that you needed a bunch of Internet strangers to "pull you out of this". Admittedly it is a weird situation, but I tend to believe that most woman could cheat if just the right situation arises, mostly because they don't realize what they are getting themselves into until it is too late, or they do and they think it will be just some extra fun to spice up their boring lives, and it makes them feel more alive and desired again. Yeah I'm probably a bit jaded, but I see it all the time, even with a few of my buddies who went through the same thing I did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author princessaurora Posted October 23, 2020 Author Share Posted October 23, 2020 1 hour ago, Zona said: If I was your husband, I would be floored by the fact that you needed a bunch of Internet strangers to "pull you out of this I couldn't turn to most of my friends or family. They never would have understood. They adore my husband. So I had to find another source to help because I didn't know how to do it on my own with all the factors it involved. My husband doesn't know I posted about it here. He'd probably just be more humiliated, so I'm not telling him. I told him my bff knows and noone else. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 2 hours ago, Zona said: If I was your husband, I would be floored by the fact that you needed a bunch of Internet strangers to "pull you out of this". Nah. That's what this website is for, and why it does so well. Plenty of people need somewhere to turn where they won't be judged by people they have to live with, work with, deal with every day. Are you going to get judged out here by people, too? Sure, but who cares? This site is a much safer place for people to unload than most places in real life. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 20 hours ago, DKT3 said: Man, there was alot going on there. Mostly fear that her life would be physically changed. I believe her fear was more based in long term. My point was she felt bad about two months. OP went three years and was actually mean to him. I am basically pain free after almost 4 years. Three surgeries later and I’m really pain free. Pain will mess with the way you react and deal with people, even loved ones. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted October 24, 2020 Share Posted October 24, 2020 10 hours ago, princessaurora said: I couldn't turn to most of my friends or family. They never would have understood. They adore my husband. So I had to find another source to help because I didn't know how to do it on my own with all the factors it involved. My husband doesn't know I posted about it here. He'd probably just be more humiliated, so I'm not telling him. I told him my bff knows and noone else. It's not so much who you turned to for help, it's that you were so far down the rabbit hole that you had to be pulled out. In any case you dodged a bullet, and you are to be commended for seeking help to extricate yourself from the situation rather than giving in to temptation. Link to post Share on other sites
EPC82 Posted October 30, 2020 Share Posted October 30, 2020 Op, I've had three flare ups of interstitial cystitis! Its agony. Sex during a flare up is brutal. Its also difficult to make people understand because there is no obvious cause to blame. Just pain and no answers. I feel for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author princessaurora Posted October 31, 2020 Author Share Posted October 31, 2020 7 hours ago, EPC82 said: Op, I've had three flare ups of interstitial cystitis! Its agony. Sex during a flare up is brutal. Its also difficult to make people understand because there is no obvious cause to blame. Just pain and no answers. I feel for you. Thank you EPC82 Yes,so many people don't understand how debilitating and life changing of a condition it is. I'm sorry you suffer from this too and if you ever need some advice or support please pm me:) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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