Charcot Foot complication from diabetes

[Ellener]

3 hours ago, major_merrick said:

Gotta have a place you can fall,

And I don't have any lap at the moment! It's been hard processing things on my own.

My meltdowns usually happen when somebody and I are totally incompatible and I have been trying to make it work, then I say one totally outrageous over the top thing, my son said you should just say no ( and f-off ) in the first place! 

PBS has a comedy right now The Trouble With Maggie Cole about a woman who is usually nice then runs her mouth and says inappropriate or indescrete things. I'm quite like the character, Dawn French plays her, except I lost my weight. She is still a beautiful woman, great comedy actress too.

I had just started dating again when all the things this year happened, I'm not even thinking about it again for now, I'll have to be my own lap! I do treat my home like a little cocoon.

My son said Lebron James and some other top athletes have deformed feet, I've been looking for positive role models 👣

 

[major_merrick]

@Ellener Obviously when you find somebody again, you'll have to keep being "your own lap" partially.  That's one thing I don't do well at.  My husband would be the first to say that my personality is very intense.  

IDK much about deformed feet, but it seems to me that dealing with any issue is finding how YOU cope....not how society would do it.  Find how you can retain the most function, even if it is something odd like molding your own shoe soles or stabilizing bad joints with something crazy.

If your body is no longer strong, your mind has to take over.  Get through life with mental acuity and a ton of attitude.

 

[Ellener]

13 hours ago, major_merrick said:

my personality is very intense.  

me too!

I don't talk to people in my life much about it, mm, they don't get it. All I ever hear is variations on 'you should...' usually from someone who doesn't look in great shape themselves! But I'm not spending my life in and out of the doctor revolving door scheme and never getting well- I said this years ago before all this. And even more so now.

Yes, I've been designing innovative ways of getting around stuff for a while...other people think it's eccentric and are critical.

My mental health wobbles sometimes ( at least I know it! ) but maybe I can use the isolation to my advantage for that too: if there's no one to comfort me there's no one to irritate me!  My son commented yesterday that sometimes my imagination is greater than most people's perception of reality; I can use that creatively📝

 

 

[Ellener]

Would love to hear about things you do creatively to improvise and devise @major_merrick!

[major_merrick]

@Ellener I can definitely give you some improvisation examples!  IDK how helpful they will be, but who knows...

My husband and I both have left ankle issues due to past injuries.  His are worse than mine, but the end result is that neither of us can exert much pressure with the left foot.  The problem, you ask?  Clutch pedals.  Manual transmissions are pure hell, but we need to be able to use them.  I have a truck where I installed a motor to push in the clutch for me.  My husband takes a different route, and reinforces the sides of his boots with metal plates.  He sometimes drives an 18-wheeler, and his special boots stand up to heavy use like that.  If I have to drive one of our tractors, I have a pair of flat steel rods joined at the bottom with a small plate.  The plate goes under the arch of my foot, and the rods go up my calf and are strapped there with an adjustable belt. It lets me use some of the force  from my leg, while keeping my ankle from buckling inward. 

My father-in-law has "falling arches" in both his feet.  A common problem for older folks.  My husband makes insoles for him.  He takes big tubes of clear silicone bathroom caulk and a piece of leather, and the end result (after trimming and drying) is a perfectly molded insole for the arches of his feet.

Some things aren't really improvisations so much as ways to deal with an issue in style.  After his time in the National Guard, my husband's ankle and knee issues are worse.  Some days, he'll carry a cane if he has to deal with rough ground or getting in and out of a vehicle frequently.  Since he's only in his mid-30's, he finds using it kind of embarrassing.  So, he doesn't carry an "everyday" cane like you find at the store, but one custom made of silver and expensive wood that also doubles as a club and has a tube in the center for use as a dart gun.  In other words, once something becomes inevitable you just own it and do your thing....

Other people find ways to conceal their issues.  Wife #1 was badly injured as a teenager in a car accident.  Among other scars, she's lost a couple of fingers on her left hand as well as her left eye.  She simply minimizes what others see.  She wears long sleeves and styles her hair to hide burn scars, and often wears gloves or hides her left hand in her jacket pocket.  She hides her injuries so well that even after living with her and sleeping close to her it took me a while to realize the extent of her scars and the fact that her eye is a prosthetic.  Maintaining "normalcy" is time consuming for her, but she finds it important and is successful at it.

Since you've got time on your hands, use it to experiment.  I think your challenge will be finding ways to take the pressure/weight off of your feet while maintaining function.  Look for how to transfer the weight to you calves or thighs somehow, or cushion/support your feet as they are. 

[Ellener]

On 11/10/2020 at 8:11 PM, major_merrick said:

Since he's only in his mid-30's, he finds using it kind of embarrassing.

It's ridiculous to me, that we care about other people's opinions, but it's the negativity surrounding disabilities. I've stopped talking about it, when I got the wheelchair I was excited because it means I can do five miles again around a flat park track near here, but I got negative comments dampening my excitement for a bit. I guess this is all something I have to figure out for myself. 

On 11/10/2020 at 8:11 PM, major_merrick said:

I think your challenge will be finding ways to take the pressure/weight off of your feet while maintaining function.  Look for how to transfer the weight to you calves or thighs somehow, or cushion/support your feet as they are. 

That's right. I use memory foam shoes/slippers/insoles, stay off my feet as much as possible. Where the cuboid bone has collapsed causes a weakness and ulceration. It's cool y'all are making your own insoles, I love being abe to do stuff like that and improvise solutions.

Yesterday I visited with a colleague who is setting up a senior center, it felt good to have someone pick my brains! She wants me to work with them some over the next few months. It was a positive day but I was surprised how exhausted I am today next day. Guess I'll get used to that again. 

Thanks mm, gives me lots to think about! Hope you are having a good day?

[major_merrick]

@Ellener I think the biggest part of dealing with physical limitations or changes is mental.  There's lots of different ways to restore physical function.  I spent much of today with Wife #1.  She has good days, and then there are the "other" days.  I'm not exactly the caretaker type, but I'm the one she bonds to when our husband isn't available.  Her physical issues left over from her accident really aren't that bad.  But the PTSD and various insecurities get her down. 

Sounds like you're finding ways to be useful, even if you aren't regularly employed.  Any other opportunities around? 

[Ellener]

12 hours ago, major_merrick said:

Sounds like you're finding ways to be useful, even if you aren't regularly employed.  Any other opportunities around? 

I'm just doing a short course on business proposals, since the majority of my former workplaces are still closed or restricted I need to come up with other similar roles where people can afford to pay me. I could find volunteer work all day long! but since I'm limited on how much I can do I'll focus on creating new paid work for now.

One thing I have deliberately done over the last two days is draw a line under my previous life. Not doing any more of that emotional outburst stuff, it's undignified!

But I'm done with grieving for my old life now, need to start over. For a while there was the idea things would return to the previous status quo and they clearly will not. So I've deleted most of my 'phone, and set up a new email. I won't be contacting any of my friends who've been negative or unhelpful about the part-time wheelchair use, or who drain my energy. This is a time for focusing on my own priorities or I'll get in a deep dark depressed place I'll never come out of...

12 hours ago, major_merrick said:

Her physical issues left over from her accident really aren't that bad.  But the PTSD and various insecurities get her down. 

It's very difficult to break out from these things, only she can do it. But if she does she'll change and become more independent. 

Independence is key to overcoming disabilities I think, overcoming daily challenges and celebrating them to yourself. Eventually people will celebrate them alongside, like with any other achievement, and those who don't will fade out!

 

 

 

[major_merrick]

@Ellener Sounds like putting your old life behind you is a good plan.  I've done that a couple of times already.  It can feel like you are cutting pieces off yourself, but it works long-term.

Sometimes there is a fine line between pushing somebody to succeed and just being pushy.  I have to be careful with my partners.  Wife #1 has her own way of being, and does really well as the primary mother in our home.  I just try to keep her calm and content.