Author crows5400 Posted October 27, 2020 Author Share Posted October 27, 2020 thank you all for an outsiders' perspective. this relationship with OM was giving me what i have been lacking in my marriage. it was bound to happen at some point, given that we have serious problems in our marriage and i needed something else. i obviously didn't expect to fall in love with someone else though. the feelings escalated and now it is not fair to anyone in this situation. life happened. "Sure, I guess if there's changes she wants to see in him she should/could in theory communicate that. I'm actually thinking OP might be better served by simply letting him be himself, and she can decide if that's who she actually wants to be married to." -- i have talked about this to him but i don't want to change him. I just don't think I am happy with him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Harry Korsnes Posted October 27, 2020 Share Posted October 27, 2020 3 minutes ago, crows5400 said: thank you all for an outsiders' perspective. this relationship with OM was giving me what i have been lacking in my marriage. it was bound to happen at some point, given that we have serious problems in our marriage and i needed something else. i obviously didn't expect to fall in love with someone else though. the feelings escalated and now it is not fair to anyone in this situation. life happened. "Sure, I guess if there's changes she wants to see in him she should/could in theory communicate that. I'm actually thinking OP might be better served by simply letting him be himself, and she can decide if that's who she actually wants to be married to." -- i have talked about this to him but i don't want to change him. I just don't think I am happy with him anymore. I still think there is lack of honesty Link to post Share on other sites
Author crows5400 Posted October 27, 2020 Author Share Posted October 27, 2020 i know that. if there is any possibility of a relationship in the future with the AP, i thought it would be better to keep the seriousness of that relationship to myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Harry Korsnes Posted October 27, 2020 Share Posted October 27, 2020 12 minutes ago, crows5400 said: i know that. if there is any possibility of a relationship in the future with the AP, i thought it would be better to keep the seriousness of that relationship to myself. Its not the relationship whith the ap its that your keeping your h in the dark and you dont feel he deserves the oppotunity to diside for him self 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Harry Korsnes Posted October 27, 2020 Share Posted October 27, 2020 Just now, Harry Korsnes said: Its not the relationship whith the ap its that your keeping your h in the dark and you dont feel he deserves the oppotunity to diside for him self Ps. Im not trying to be rude but i've been there and it hurts Link to post Share on other sites
Author crows5400 Posted October 27, 2020 Author Share Posted October 27, 2020 yes you're right. i'm scared to be honest. can you speak to your experience? Link to post Share on other sites
Harry Korsnes Posted October 27, 2020 Share Posted October 27, 2020 16 minutes ago, crows5400 said: yes you're right. i'm scared to be honest. can you speak to your experience? Most bs's just know but deep down but when the truth comes out thats when the hurt comes. I knew something was wrong and when the truth came out thats when the hurt and anger came out. Then i tok the next train out and never looked back. THAT HURT for a long time, but now for me things are great. But the hate is still there. YOU DONT WANT THAT. Beleave me. Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted October 28, 2020 Share Posted October 28, 2020 4 hours ago, crows5400 said: this relationship with OM was giving me what i have been lacking in my marriage. Have you ever communicated to your husband in a clear manner the things you think are lacking in your marriage? Ultimately marriage is a voluntary for both parties. No one is obligated to stay if they don't want to. If you don't want to be in the marriage, file for divorce. As virtually everyone here has said, you need to be honest with your husband and tell him you have a new love interest. No offense but lying about it is cowardly. Your husband will move on. If the marriage is as crappy as you claim, he probably wants out too anyway. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 28, 2020 Share Posted October 28, 2020 11 minutes ago, Zona said: Have you ever communicated to your husband in a clear manner the things you think are lacking in your marriage? Ultimately marriage is a voluntary for both parties. No one is obligated to stay if they don't want to. If you don't want to be in the marriage, file for divorce. As virtually everyone here has said, you need to be honest with your husband and tell him you have a new love interest. No offense but lying about it is cowardly. Your husband will move on. If the marriage is as crappy as you claim, he probably wants out too anyway. Thats why people cheat, so that thier partners don't move on. They all have excuses but ultimately that's what it comes down to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Harry Korsnes Posted October 28, 2020 Share Posted October 28, 2020 8 hours ago, Zona said: Have you ever communicated to your husband in a clear manner the things you think are lacking in your marriage? Ultimately marriage is a voluntary for both parties. No one is obligated to stay if they don't want to. If you don't want to be in the marriage, file for divorce. As virtually everyone here has said, you need to be honest with your husband and tell him you have a new love interest. No offense but lying about it is cowardly. Your husband will move on. If the marriage is as crappy as you claim, he probably wants out too anyway. Agreed Sounds as if he's a pri*k acording to her. Thats why i think she should be honest and sett him free. And its up to him if he wants to live his life as if, not her. Link to post Share on other sites
LouSifa Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 @crows5400 I get it. There’s something at home that is driving you apart. Work schedules, maybe like most of us men, we tend to let the brass ring slip by paying too much attention to tv, video games or whatever our hobby is, and less time on the women who we were trying to be with. That attention you get during the dating process needs to be sustained and it sounds like this other guy is doing what your man should be doing. With that being said. Here is what you do. Start working on your appearance. Get a new dress, wear his favorite hairstyle, maybe a new perfume. If he doesn’t catch that hint, drop little ones that he isn’t alone. Don’t make him think you’re cheating, but maybe say something to the affect that you were getting a lot of compliments from guys when you were out shopping...Maybe ham it up a bit by saying some guy tried to give his number but you played the good wife and turned him down cold because you love your husband. Dont keep doing this but every now and again. He will get the message quick that he better snap out of it. If he doesn’t I suggest counseling because there is something else going on with him like depression, or maybe the love just ain’t there. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 There is somewhere between a 1% and 5% long term (>5 years) success rate for relationships that start out as affairs. I wouldn't leave your husband for AP, I would leave because you feel the marriage is over regardless of the nature of any future relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Harry Korsnes Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 5 minutes ago, Zona said: There is somewhere between a 1% and 5% long term (>5 years) success rate for relationships that start out as affairs. I wouldn't leave your husband for AP, I would leave because you feel the marriage is over regardless of the nature of any future relationships. Like i Said, i think she's done with the h. I think she needs look in to her inner self and see what she actualy wants and needs! Btw. I think mrs has left the building. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SRCSRC Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 Sounds like you clearly want out of the marriage. Let your husband go. You don't love him and you don't want to be married to him. So what is the purpose of staying? You will resent him and ultimately have an affair with someone. Now once the marriage is over and things aren't so rosy, you may regret it. But that's the risk you should take since you don't want to be in the marriage. There are no children so the two of you can make a clean break. Your husband deserves to be with someone who loves and cherishes him. You aren't that person. That's what I get from your very short description of your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 It is so easy to hate people like you. All you care about is yourself. Even after you in tangled yourself with someone else. Your just heartless. You husband has the right to know exactly how you feel about him. He also has the right to know what a cheater you are. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 (edited) On 10/27/2020 at 4:46 PM, crows5400 said: I just don't think I am happy with him anymore. You don't think you're happy with him anymore. The reality is you're not happy with yourself. Happiness comes from within, not from a person other than yourself. You've stated that your H is a great guy. Just so you know, your H won't have any trouble finding someone wonderful to replace you, being as he's a great guy and all. OTOH, you're going to have a tough time finding a different great guy to replace him. Because great guys see leaving a husband you feel meh about as a red flag. Great guys are looking for a woman who is loyal, works on relationships, etc. Interesting people, yet solid. However, if you're just wanting to have an exciting romance your bf sounds like just the guy for you! Then after you use each other up in say six months to a couple of years, you'll be ready for a new guy whom you'll have great chemistry with for a few months, a year or two. And on and on and on. One day you'll find yourself used up and worn out. And you're realize what you really want is a great guy who is loyal and who is always there for you. By this time your husband will have been long married to a woman he can trust, most probably, and you'll realize he is exactly the type of man you're looking for and once had. And you'll rue the day you fell for that cad of a bf. I've seen it happen over and over again. Edited November 21, 2020 by LivingWaterPlease 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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