Ellener Posted October 10, 2020 Share Posted October 10, 2020 I have a friend who is in a dire financial situation, I have sent her encouragement and a few $20 bills, but she never seems to take charge of her situation. I could easily manage on $2K social security a month myself, she has had to pay towards her healthcare via medicare which is expensive, but I decided this last week there's nothing more I can do to help her. I feel sad though, she is about to lose her home. She stopped calling me when I didn't send money. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 10, 2020 Share Posted October 10, 2020 So sad for both of you. Was she open to any kind of financial counselling? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted October 10, 2020 Author Share Posted October 10, 2020 18 minutes ago, basil67 said: So sad for both of you. Was she open to any kind of financial counselling? She's in denial so far. I kind-of knew things were getting bad for her when she argued with her family, her cousin told her 'I'm not helping you any more' and 'you never listen'. I think in America a lot of people are struggling financially since the pandemic hit. But my friend was in trouble anyway I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted October 10, 2020 Share Posted October 10, 2020 29 minutes ago, Ellener said: She's in denial so far. I kind-of knew things were getting bad for her when she argued with her family, her cousin told her 'I'm not helping you any more' and 'you never listen'. I think in America a lot of people are struggling financially since the pandemic hit. But my friend was in trouble anyway I think. That's too bad for your friend. Maybe now she will be willing to go through some free county offered financial assistance classes? Sounds like her family and you have supported her through some tough times, but she's unwilling to help herself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted October 11, 2020 Author Share Posted October 11, 2020 4 hours ago, Watercolors said: That's too bad for your friend. Maybe now she will be willing to go through some free county offered financial assistance classes? Sounds like her family and you have supported her through some tough times, but she's unwilling to help herself. I do have empathy for her health conditions, that is always difficult tomanage in America, but she does not need a 3 bed apartment for example. I just put another $20 in a Halloween card, it's no big deal for me I guess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 It's sweet of you to give the $20 but that's not going to fix the problem. Maybe send her a book about budgeting? Offer to help her set a budget. Obviously it's up to her but those will do more good then $20 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 19 hours ago, Ellener said: I feel sad though, she is about to lose her home. I was watching the news the other day. Apparently, some local jurisdiction (here) is no longer preventing evictions. The reporter interviewed a guy (appeared to be in his early to mid 50's) being evicted from his apartment. He told the reporter he was going to have to live in his car. A lot of people are facing extremely tough times as this pandemic continues. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 13 hours ago, Ellener said: I do have empathy for her health conditions, that is always difficult tomanage in America, but she does not need a 3 bed apartment for example. I have a friend like that. She lives in a big house all by herself & is paying a ton on her mortgage, in taxes & to heat / cool the place. She doesn't need all that space. If she sold the big house & bought something smaller with the equity she has she would be much better off but she'd rather struggle & complain. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 I'm as humanitarian as they come, have learned there's not much value in giving someone fish indefinitely - but lots of value in giving them a few as you teach/encourage them to fish for themselves. It's true that some people are just looking for handouts, even though they're perfectly capable of improving their situation through frugality, working and earning more, and so on, just too lazy to do it. I don't think it does anybody much good to cater to these people. They need to understand that they have the power to improve their circumstances, rather than being coddled to keep being a moocher. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted October 11, 2020 Author Share Posted October 11, 2020 6 hours ago, d0nnivain said: It's sweet of you to give the $20 but that's not going to fix the problem. Maybe send her a book about budgeting? Offer to help her set a budget. Obviously it's up to her but those will do more good then $20 I don't think she can manage money, this has been going on for years and now she claims her senior social security which I actually think is a pretty good living. I could easily live on that. She got all those additional $600 checks from unemployment earlier this year too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted October 11, 2020 Author Share Posted October 11, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: I was watching the news the other day. Apparently, some local jurisdiction (here) is no longer preventing evictions. The reporter interviewed a guy (appeared to be in his early to mid 50's) being evicted from his apartment. He told the reporter he was going to have to live in his car. A lot of people are facing extremely tough times as this pandemic continues. Our mayor has the jurisdiction here and chose to go on with the evictions here in Houston. My friend should be covered for emergency homeless housing because of her age. Edited October 11, 2020 by Ellener spelling 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 3 hours ago, Ellener said: I don't think she can manage money, this has been going on for years and now she claims her senior social security which I actually think is a pretty good living. I could easily live on that. She got all those additional $600 checks from unemployment earlier this year too. Wow, so she's just terrible at managing her money and refuses to accept outside help to teach her how to manage her money? She'd be great if she sold her 3 bedroom apartment and lived in an assisted living large studio apartment. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 3 hours ago, Ellener said: Our mayor has the jurisdiction here and chose to go on with the evictions here in Houston. OK... so its not just here. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 (edited) It is a fascinating subject this lending money to friends issue, there is a significant psychological aspect to it too, it is never as simple as one person being kind or generous to the other, there is always some self-motivation for the lender- usually something out of it for them- they may need that person from a social point of view or they are hoping they will get a favour back at a later stage. In my opinion the generosity of the lender or otherwise is more motivated by their own needs rather than in good faith wanting to be helpful (most of the time anyway) some people exploit the vulnerability in others- they will keep asking a person for money because they have a mental hold over the person, it should be fine between close friends on occasion but its interesting from experience once the pattern starts it can become a recurring thing. Edited October 12, 2020 by Foxhall Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 46 minutes ago, Foxhall said: It is a fascinating subject this lending money to friends issue, there is a significant psychological aspect to it too, it is never as simple as one person being kind or generous to the other, there is always some self-motivation for the lender- usually something out of it for them- they may need that person from a social point of view or they are hoping they will get a favour back at a later stage. In my opinion the generosity of the lender or otherwise is more motivated by their own needs rather than in good faith wanting to be helpful (most of the time anyway) some people exploit the vulnerability in others- they will keep asking a person for money because they have a mental hold over the person, it should be fine between close friends on occasion but its interesting from experience once the pattern starts it can become a recurring thing. I would never lend money, only give it. I almost ended up homeless in March this year, just as the pandemic happened. I'd given all my furniture away to a family who had nothing. Now I have this beautiful apartment, and when my friends sold their holiday cottage this summer they gave me their furniture. It really is as simple as being kind @Foxhalland things come full circle. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 32 minutes ago, Ellener said: t really is as simple as being kind @Foxhalland things come full circle. well maybe so, I am not questioning your intentions specifically! just a general observation there can sometimes be more than meets the eye with lending or giving money, I take your point though it is good to reach out and show kindness also. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 I love life, and I love people @Foxhall I'm lucky I think. Every new day is a blessing for me. I went last week to sit with my friends' mother who has dementia, I had a lovely time with her. 48 hours with no sleep but it was a joyful time . A lot of people don't understand why I do all this crazy stuff, I do think people should learn to manage their finances though. My friend just never gets to managing her finances. I'll just keep sending her $20 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 2 hours ago, Ellener said: I'll just keep sending her $20 It's your money... but as my man Dave Ramsey says, this is like giving a drunk a drink. It's a form of enabling, saying with your dollars that she doesn't have to learn how to manage her money because people will keep giving her handouts. Essentially, it's causing her harm, keeping her stuck. Just my take... and Dave's 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 3 hours ago, Ellener said: I love life, and I love people yes I imagine you are kind hearted Ellener, and a good friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 1 hour ago, Foxhall said: yes I imagine you are kind hearted Ellener, and a good friend. I pretty much am! And I've had a fantastic life 😄 because of it. Link to post Share on other sites
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