Thoughts about my fwb, is this what I should want in one?

[lancelondon]

So couple of months ago I posted on this site, and everything is going pretty decent I guess. For all who can't remember I'm hooking up with this one guy, He's 18, I'm 17 (and a female) Recently we've gotten "closer" as like I'll text him sometimes, and he'll respond for the most part. Oh also this guy is Hispanic, and spanish is his first language, he's only been living in the states for around 4 years now. I'm just an average white girl, who can't speak spanish (I know some of the basics but not good enough to actually have a conversation) I also want to note - we have never kissed

 

So 2 weeks ago we hook up, and actually get to know each other - like how's school, where he works, where he was before he came and got me but he also talked about how he treats a girl, and how Hispanic girls find him a 10/10 (and he asked me to rate him, and asked how he can improve) and some other stuff that was just normal talk. After hooking up, I put my head against head - and he says "I don't want to fall in love with me" I say "No, I won't fall in love with you" Then last sunday we hook up, and he holds my hand for like 3 minutes, nothing much really happened besides we kinda argued and I gave him a shirt (which he said thanks the day after) Then on friday we hooked up, and no hand holding, just normal stuff. The day before he texted me (while he was in the car) and asked for some pictures (it's obvious what type)  After we've done,I ask him about the pictures he says something like "I JUST wanted to see *female bit* (I mean he just got off of work, and was in a car when started to text me, he got home before I send anything) Kinda weird - I put my head on his shoulder (I'm dizzy,I just got up) and he moves to the side, and says something about no love again (this is like the 10th time I've heard him say this) Anyways he says "I'm in love with a girl from my school" 

 

Which for one - in public posts he's said he's looking for a girl, and 2 weeks ago he told me "No, I am not talking to anyone" Everything points to him actually not loving a girl. He's had no female friends comment on any of his posts, and he's posted a picture with a girl (or any of his friends) (And he also posted of him, visibly hot and sweaty with the caption "working hard" at like midnight) Anyways I ask some basic questions - and he answers them really basic - I ask if he talks to her, he says yes. He says "The girl I love is Hispanic, and she lives close to me" I'm not Hispanic, and I also don't live close to him. So I thought it was weird that pointed out that "she" lives close to him. I ask if I'm like her (I meant it in a look-like thing) he said "I only love one girl" sorta with emotion, it's confusing. Then we were parked out in front of my driveway, I dropped something and I couldn't find it, then he find he would look for it (in like a nice way) We went back to before he told me about this "girl" he "loves" Then right before I left the car, I gave him a stick (in spanish, don't ask that's how I am)

 

I'm just really confused by this whole thing, it's weird. We've now back to how we were before. We have this weird "reset" button, were whatever happens the night before it's all forgotten about the day after. Like while I know more about him, we like take 2 steps forward then like 3 steps back. Which is ok by me, but it seems dumb in a sense. For all who know, about guys, relationships, and hooking up is this what I should want? I've never been in a relationship either, so I don't know if how he acts is "normal" for teen guys.

[Wiseman2]

As long as you go to the doctor/ clinic for STD testing and contraception, random sex may not harm you physically. You can still get STDs from oral .

As long as you can detach yourself completely emotionally and never want more than just sex, this may not harm you mentally either.

You could find a decent boy who is ready, willing and able to respect you and date you like a real BF, but you will need to improve your self esteem for that.

[lancelondon]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

could find

could find and would find is a lot harder, especially with being in high school

 

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

you will need to improve your self esteem for that.

I feel like generally I have a decent self esteem, but I guess I don't talk to the guys I would date so

[ExpatInItaly]

On 10/11/2020 at 7:32 AM, lancelondon said:

I'm just really confused by this whole thing, it's weird. We've now back to how we were before. We have this weird "reset" button, were whatever happens the night before it's all forgotten about the day after. Like while I know more about him, we like take 2 steps forward then like 3 steps back. Which is ok by me, but it seems dumb in a sense. For all who know, about guys, relationships, and hooking up is this what I should want? I've never been in a relationship either, so I don't know if how he acts is "normal" for teen guys.

We can't tell you what you should want.

What I can tell you (woman, 39 years old here) is that this boy doesn't want to progress past very casual hooking up with you. So there is no "2 steps forward" for him, really. He's trying to keep this firmly in casual-only territory, so it's not going to go further than where you're at now. If you're okay with casual and don't want to date him, knock yourself out. If you're hoping he'll change his mind and want to develop a relationship with you, he's not your guy. 

He doesn't have much respect for you if he's asking you for nudes (and reducing you to a body part - ugh) but at the same time telling you he's into someone else, though. That would be such a turn-off, even for a FWB situation. Even a FWB should have a stronger element of "friend", in that basic courtesy should be applied. What you have here isn't FWB, though - you have a "f***-buddy," to put it bluntly. He doesn't treat you like a friend.