Weird feelings/emotions?

[softball88]

Why do people feel weird or awkward when emotions/feelings get involved? My friend that use to talk to me a lot, not having a problem letting me cry on his shoulder if and when needed, suddenly feels weird about me crying or being upset while he's around. We got in an argument one night and he cancelled coming over because he said it would feel weird. I don't understand why he does this. He has undiagnosed bipolar or something similar but how does just anyone go from "you're my best friend" to "I go to work and come straight home. There's nothing to talk about"? I use to see him 3-4 times a week. I haven't seen him in 2 weeks. Now we hardly talk anymore. He use to self medicate with drinking and since he cut back, it's like his personality changed but he admitted to me that he doesn't notice any change. I've been very down and I thought I was over it but this morning it hit me hard again. I feel like I just lost my best friend

[Wiseman2]

43 minutes ago, softball88 said:

 My friend that use to talk to me a lot, not having a problem letting me cry on his shoulder if and when needed, suddenly feels weird about me crying or being upset while he's around. We got in an argument one night and he cancelled coming over because he said it would feel weird.

It's not weird at all. He's not your therapist and emotion dumping is unkind and off-putting. You need to restrain this tendency. Learn to cope and self soothe. A heavy drinker is probably not a good friend or confidant. A therapist is there to listen endlessly, but you'll have to make an appointment and pay for that.

[softball88]

He offered a shoulder to cry on. I didn't just do it randomly. It only happened a couple of times. 

Edited October 12, 2020 by softball88

[mark clemson]

I wouldn't blame yourself too much. People have all sorts of weird (to others) idiosyncrasies. There are people in this world who would be delighted to "support" you more with this; there are others who will label it "drama" and say "I don't want any of that" and become less available. Friendships are fluid and I suspect that for many people the majority of their friendships tend to ultimately be transitory.

Also if he happens to have some mental health issues, there's a reasonable chance that is is play somehow as well. For example he may feel you are triggering him. At any rate, there's really no need to beat yourself up too much. Life's too short to spend TOO much of it worrying about what may or may not be going on in someone else's head.

The good news is it's generally not overly hard to find new friends. There are even apps for it if you find yourself having a hard time doing that.

Edited October 14, 2020 by mark clemson

[FirstClass]

On 10/12/2020 at 11:40 AM, softball88 said:

.....He has undiagnosed bipolar or something similar but how does just anyone go from "you're my best friend" to "I go to work and come straight home. There's nothing to talk about"? I use to see him 3-4 times a week. I haven't seen him in 2 weeks. Now we hardly talk anymore. He use to self medicate with drinking and since he cut back, it's like his personality changed but he admitted to me that he doesn't notice any change. I've been very down and I thought I was over it but this morning it hit me hard again. I feel like I just lost my best friend

softball88,

Wild swings in mood are what bipolar is all about, but I'm not sure how it was determined that he has an un-diagnosed case. What were you crying on his shoulder about? Was it another guy? Could it be that he was interested in you but got tired of you talking about another guy. Just a guess.If so tell us more....