Should women propose to men?

[5x5]

14 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

Why did you turn her down? How long had you two been together when she proposed?

I woke up one day in her bed and no longer felt any attraction for her, despite her being nice, witty, fun, and an educated pretty woman (think of a clone  of a young Renée Zellweger) who was great at sex.  So in the process of telling her I was breaking up with her, she asked me to marry her (so unsurprisingly I said no). As to how long it was a bit under a year. Oh and I asked her out on our first date.

My first marriage proposal that I proffered, was because my recently broken up (for a few weeks) with 18 year old girlfriend (who was also very pretty) of a year and a half told me she was pregnant with my baby (very romantic). We met at a party and had sex till dawn  after a couple of hours meeting each other at her asking a friend to ask me to say hi to her. Our marriage was short lived at reaching our first wedding anniversary before separation thence divorce.

While my wonderfully luscious wife of today, proposed to me at some point circa two years into our ongoing sexual relationship when I was 27 and she was 28. Of which my wife also asked me out on our first date, after she kept asking me to have lunch with her when we worked together. Over 24 years later we're still happy together including through 21+ years of being married.

[5x5]

14 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

I would never propose to a man. I want to be the only feminine one in the relationship.

I've had plenty of women ask me out, flirt with me and or ask me to have sex with them, on top of the two that also asked me to marry them. Yet they were all very feminine (which kind of comes with being a woman). Likewise of the ones who I said yes to and had sex with, they all were naturally feminine, were also sexually submissive and unsurprisingly had feminine pink bits.

You would do well to appreciate that a woman who asks a man out, or asks to have sex with a man, and or asks a man to marry a her, is feminine as well.

[Interstellar]

Absolutely, one of my favorite scenes in movie history was when Sandra got down on her knees to propose to Ryan Reynolds in the Proposal. 

It was a throwback to the classic screwball comedies of the Cary Grant era. It’s very Howard Hawk-ish. I thought the person who wrote that movie was very intelligent and knows a lot about women. After doing research, she or they turned out to be women, hah. Yeah, no man in this era would ever write something like that, unless you’re Howard Hawks.

Now you know you’re really being chosen.

Edited October 15, 2020 by Interstellar

[boymommy]

I personally would NEVER to propose to a man. I think there are just some things that are still a guy's territory to do..proposing, asking out on the first date, ect. I'm a little old fashioned in that sense I think...I know it's 2020 and we are moving to a more equal gender based society but I could never see myself doing that. I think I would probably leave a relationship if I got a sense it was never going to happen or lead to marriage..or that there was no compromise to be had for a future together. 

I think it would freak my boyfriend out if I did propose, as he is more a masculine/traditional/old fashioned guy in that sense and probably feels like it's his job to propose to..so on the same page there. Not to say that any couple who does it differently is bad, but it would not be something for me. In the case of the couple you speak of OP...it sounds like there may be other issues at play here (addiction. ect) so I don't know that I would call her "desperate" for proposing" but I can see why she would want a more secure future for her child and herself. If they are BOTH okay with it and can work through the drinking then at the end of the day thats all that really matters and who are we to judge, right?

Edited October 15, 2020 by boymommy

[Azincourt]

22 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

I can't see myself ever doing it. It defies all my romantic ideas about courtship and romance. I've never even asked a guy out, don't see myself ever doing that, either. I like go-getters. I wouldn't want to steal his thunder.

But if it works for others, more power to them. 

 

I suppose the women who are old-fashioned and want to take things, romantically, also want to be stay-at-home mothers,  don't want male friends, don't want to wear pants, don't want to work a job outside of the house, want to have a bunch of kids, and are also virgins(Saudi Arabian version of virginal) while they eagerly wait for their go-getters boyfriends to bend the knee and propose, I guess. 

Because that's what conservative women who love their partners but would never dare to make the guy feel special by being the ones proposing, after he's also the one who did all the wooing, the ''chasing,'' the ''pursuing'' and the ''asking out,'' funny how most  women aged 18-30 don't seem to have been brought back in time to their great-grandmother's 1800s rural America.

[Ruby Slippers]

1 hour ago, Azincourt said:

funny how most  women aged 18-30 don't seem to have been brought back in time to their great-grandmother's 1800s rural America.

I don't really care what anybody else does. I care about being true to myself and doing what lights me up and feels right, having inspired, fun, sexy, unforgettable relationships with the men I love, which I've done my whole life and will continue to do.

I've discussed all this very openly with the men I've loved. The men I'm most attracted to prefer to be the initiator 99% of the time, say it does in fact dampen their fire to be pursued by a woman in just about any way, for so many reasons. Women chase them left and right, and it bores them. Essentially, masculine energy is assertive - feminine energy is receptive, represented beautifully by the sex organs, one asserting and one receiving. There's nothing hotter than being my fully feminine self and letting my man be his fully masculine self.

My last boyfriend had his flaws, but in spite of those, as a good-looking overachiever, he's always had endless options for dating, relationships, and sex. I guess he really liked my approach, because even though I told him a few months ago it's over, I just heard from him again yesterday with yet another attempt to get back together. I'm not surprised, since he told me the sex, romance, fun, and even the boring day-to-day times were the best of his life, compared to his decades of relationships. The guy from two years ago, a sexy, sweet, battle-tested Marine, is still trying to get me back, too, said he'll be my boyfriend, my lover, my friend, whatever I want him to be.

My romantic life isn't typical, but it's hot as hell and works for me 🤷‍♀️

Edited October 15, 2020 by Ruby Slippers

[Happy Lemming]

49 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

I just heard from him again yesterday with yet another attempt to get back together...

What are you going to do??  Did you reply??

[boymommy]

2 hours ago, Azincourt said:

 

I suppose the women who are old-fashioned and want to take things, romantically, also want to be stay-at-home mothers,  don't want male friends, don't want to wear pants, don't want to work a job outside of the house, want to have a bunch of kids, and are also virgins(Saudi Arabian version of virginal) while they eagerly wait for their go-getters boyfriends to bend the knee and propose, I guess. 

Because that's what conservative women who love their partners but would never dare to make the guy feel special by being the ones proposing, after he's also the one who did all the wooing, the ''chasing,'' the ''pursuing'' and the ''asking out,'' funny how most  women aged 18-30 don't seem to have been brought back in time to their great-grandmother's 1800s rural America.

I think both men and women can be old fashioned in some areas of relationships and more modern in others. It's not NEARLY as black and white as you are making it out to be. I was a stay at home mom when I was married, still am divorced, but I have plenty of male friends, I (at times) wear the pants in my relationship and tell it like it is because no WAY will I put up with crap from any man! I only have 2 kids and that's quite enough thank you! I am not eagerly awaiting my boyfriend to get on one knee..but it would be great if that happened one day for us when the time is right for both of us. I would never propose to him because in my mind that's a guy thing to do...yes I like a guy to do a little more of the asking out and "pursuit" in the beginning but once in the actual relationship its equal rights for all buddy! 

[Ruby Slippers]

20 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

What are you going to do??  Did you reply??

I'm going to ignore it, just like I did the last message a while back. I told him before he could email if he needed advice in the future. At the time I was trying to rise above it all and be a friendly presence. I'm pretty sure he'll run into similar issues in his next relationship. But while this gave me a feeling of peace and emotional resolution at the time, now I think it's just silly. I don't see myself helping him in his next relationship. He can figure that out on his own.

I thought about replying and telling him to stop contacting me. But for some reason that doesn't feel right, either. So I'll just ignore it. Within minutes of reading it, I deleted it and deleted it from the trash permanently. If he persists, I imagine I'll eventually tell him to give it up and leave me alone. I'm hoping I don't have to do that and he gets the hint eventually.

Edited October 15, 2020 by Ruby Slippers

[SumGuy]

3 hours ago, Azincourt said:

I suppose the women who are old-fashioned .... funny how most  women aged 18-30 don't seem to have been brought back in time to their great-grandmother's 1800s rural America.

Well TV old fashioned....a lot of common law marriages back in the rural US 1800's and there have been plenty of old fashioned women who were never afraid to ask for what they want.  Saying to a man "are you going to ask me to marry you" IS saying I want to get married.   I think the really old fashioned way is when you ask her father for permission to marry her, then dicker over the dowry.   

[Shining One]

43 minutes ago, boymommy said:

I think both men and women can be old fashioned in some areas of relationships and more modern in others. It's not NEARLY as black and white as you are making it out to be.

Some people conveniently choose to be old-fashioned in the specific areas where being old-fashioned benefits them and modern in the specific ways being modern benefits them.

[SumGuy]

18 minutes ago, Shining One said:

Some people conveniently choose to be old-fashioned in the specific areas where being old-fashioned benefits them and modern in the specific ways being modern benefits them.

No!  Shocking   

I try not to elevate my personal preferences to some natural order, that way lies many dangers.  I like what I like and it all falls firmly in the realm of informed consensual consent among adults and so don't need any further justification for it nor need to label it as old fashioned, new fangled or any other connection to human historical-social interactions.   I'm probably more pre-Roman invasion in my preferences from what I can gather, really old school :).

[basil67]

My first husband refused to discuss marriage at all.  He was all "this is the decision by the man to make when he chooses".   Obviously he eventually proposed, but I got left feeling like I was in limbo, without even being able to talk about it.   Frankly, I was not happy handing over the reigns of my life to someone else to drive....and I vowed I would never do so again.    If a man can't treat me as an equal and allow me a say in the direction and timing of my life, he's not the man for me.  

As it so happens, I did kinda propose to my now partner many years ago.   Laying in bed one Saturday morning, I said "hey, do you think we should get married?"   He replied "yeah, OK".  We didn't end up doing it because it became apparent that we were doing it for the wrong reasons  (he wanted a party - I wanted a name change - and neither of us really put any stock in a legal marriage anyway).   But most importantly, we talked about it and came to a mutually acceptable decision.

[Acacia98]

2 hours ago, boymommy said:

I think both men and women can be old fashioned in some areas of relationships and more modern in others. It's not NEARLY as black and white as you are making it out to be.  

This is true. I think we're all guilty of it.

[boymommy]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

My first husband refused to discuss marriage at all.  He was all "this is the decision by the man to make when he chooses".   Obviously he eventually proposed, but I got left feeling like I was in limbo, without even being able to talk about it.   Frankly, I was not happy handing over the reigns of my life to someone else to drive....and I vowed I would never do so again.    If a man can't treat me as an equal and allow me a say in the direction and timing of my life, he's not the man for me.  

 

This is my boyfriend's take on it too! Although he does treat me as an equal in our relationship and we talk about remarriage related aspects quite frequently...just not in terms of a "when" because I don't know that he knows nor do I think he plans like that. My guess is he'll just decide to do it one day. It's a different kind of plan...the no plan plan lol

Edited October 15, 2020 by boymommy

[poppyfields]

Nevermind "proposing," it's 2020, how about discussing marriage together?  And mutually deciding?  That is what my ex and I did and my fiancé prior to him and I did.

I suppose one person has to bring it up first though, and I see no reason why the woman can't bring up the marriage topic first.  Not a formal proposal, simply a discussion about it.

Edited October 15, 2020 by poppyfields

[5x5]

8 hours ago, boymommy said:

I think it would freak my boyfriend out if I did propose, as he is more a masculine/traditional/old fashioned guy in that sense and probably feels like it's his job to propose to..so on the same page there.

When my wife proposed to me,  I was also an Infantry Platoon Sergeant, with considerable experience in leading other strong men. So I was more masculine than many men, yet I didn’t freak out when she proposed.

Edited October 16, 2020 by 5x5

[boymommy]

39 minutes ago, 5x5 said:

When my wife proposed to me,  I was also an Infantry Platoon Sergeant, with considerable experience in leading other strong men. So I was more masculine than many men, yet I didn’t freak out when she proposed.

Right which is why I also added traditional and old fashioned onto masculine. 
 

After reading more of these responses however, I think its a matter of personal preference. Some women never would, some men still think its their job..as long as everyone’s happy I dont think it matters.