Ex best friend now engaged, she zoned me out

[astutise]

So, I guess I just wanted to talk about my situation with my once best friend, as even though its been a while since ish hit the fan, its only now that my life has slowed down enough to really process it all.

We were best friends for many years. Met initially as kids, then got re-aquainted at 19 and were pretty close from then on for a decade. I was in medical school, juggling that with being the 'rescuer' in my family where my mum has a mental disorder, my sister has manic episodes and my younger sister is the type of person who always needs saving, always needs helping, nothing is ever her fault, and every year of her uni course, there were many issues and i would always dread results day when she'd be in hysterics over failing despite not pulling her weight, always focusing on partying and other hedonistic pursuits. My friend was also the 'stability' factor somewhat of her own family, and we both come from a similar background ethnicity wise, both left a conservative religion, so we had plenty in common. Her mum went through cancer and a divorce from her abusive father, and i always felt we supported one another greatly. 

About 2.5 years ago, i buckled under the weight of all my responsibilities and after an encounter with a non-supportive love interest, i finally had something of a breakdown and became incredibly anxious, insomniac and like I'd lost myself completely. I cut everybody who was toxic out of my life and focused on my exams. Thankfully I passed my degree and started work as a doctor. But I was depressed and emotionally, a massive wreck.

My friend's life on the other hand, was appearing to go from strength to strength, which I was happy for and felt inspired by, as she is a hard worker and extremely intelligent. She got into her first serious, long-term relationship, where his friends became her friends, and they moved in together and her life appeared blissful. She developed her own business which she loves and i went down to help her with one of the events, which showed her amazing talents. After helping her with the event, the next times i saw her, i broke down and my mentor - a doctor - rang me and insisted i go to a hospital for some help and a sedative. She asked to speak to my friend to tell her what to do, as my friend isn't very good with emotions and has a more brisk, logical approach. Sometimes can be very impatient and short with emotional problems in person. Over text, she manages fine. Because we were living in different cities, and spoke mostly via phone when things went bad in our lives, i hadn't seen this side of her many times. The rest of the time we met, we'd go travelling, go to events, party etc. Anyway, she seemed uncomfortable and when i tried talking about it, she snapped that 'she is not a robot' and CAN actually understand and stormed off. I was trying to explain that her being a bit offish was making me even more anxious and nervous that perhaps she didn't want me there. After trying to talk again, she didn't seem interested and we were sat in silence. It was really uncomfortable and the next day, when my GP rang me, he advised me to come home asap as the situation and being far from home would exacerbate my symptoms. She walked me to the station in silence and then when i got home, her bf had posted presents to me and she said via text 'they're not from me, only him'.

Since then, i feel like she has completely dropped me. Like perhaps my anxiety and troubles don't fit in with her new life. It makes me really sad and even at times, feel ashamed that i have had those emotional problems which is ridiculous when i rationalise it as a doctor now. And my other friends don't treat me like that. I tried asking her about it and was honest and asked her whether it was that she felt she had moved to a happy point in her life, and maybe i didn't fit with it anymore - she now has lots of friends courtesy of her bf who is very sociable, loving and generally the kinda person everyone wants to be friends with. She replied saying something like i was 'being a bit tad oversensitive'. 

Its been 2 years since then and i've steadily worked on my mental health. I now have no contact with family, have had and continue to have therapy and have been working for over a year since graduating. My life thankfully is stable. I tried messaging her a few times but it was never the same. A legal issue related to my family came up where they asked to speak to her since she knew about it, and she was very kind when she answered me. And then, again, stopped messaging again. I accepted it and thought its time to respect her decision she is showing me through lack of messaging. I deleted her from social media as it was too sad to see pictures of her doing all the things she always used to invite me to, and now no longer doesn't. It makes me feel like a leper, in all honesty. That since my breakdown, I am not an attractive candidate for friendship anymore. Which is really sad to me because we used to always support each other through everything. 

Recently, i heard through the grapevine she is engaged and having a hen do. I thought I'd be over it but it really floored me. She hasn't told me or invited me and it makes me so sad - i'd never have guessed we wouldn't be a part of each other's lives for big things like this. We used to always talk about being maid of honour etc.

I guess I wanted to vent and just figure out...how do I get past this sadness? It breaks my heart that I won't be around to see her get married or get excited about organising a fun hen do, or buying her presents and going dress shopping together. i feel so alone, like I lost a major stabilising and happy aspect of my life through my friendship with her. I feel like i'm left out alone. I have other friends, but none like the friendship we shared. I wish it could be different and she would be a bit kinder and more understanding to the breakdown i had but maybe she had had enough of problems and issues now her life is going much better. I don't know. I guess I can understand that. Maybe I was dragging her down. 

Edited October 14, 2020 by astutise

[Syd8]

Hell with her. She was never your friend. People suck. Move on.