twinklecat Posted October 16, 2020 Share Posted October 16, 2020 So, I never thought I'd be here again but here I am. This time I've just ended a marriage of 3 years after being together for 10. Unfortunately it seems I didnt learn much from the previous relationship that brought me here. I ended up in another controlling one. We did have a lot of happy times but things got so bad towards the end. This time I at least ended it rather than be cheated on but the pain is just as raw and bad. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted October 16, 2020 Share Posted October 16, 2020 You said "a marriage." Most people would say "my marriage" or "my (insert number) marriage." What number was this one? Link to post Share on other sites
Author twinklecat Posted October 16, 2020 Author Share Posted October 16, 2020 It was my first marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted October 16, 2020 Share Posted October 16, 2020 7 hours ago, twinklecat said: This time I've just ended a marriage of 3 years after being together for 10. From the math, it appears you two were a couple for 7 years, prior to getting married. Can I ask "why" you got married?? Did actually being married change the dynamic between the two of you?? I would think after 7 years of dating, you would have seen every side of this individual... the good and the bad. What went bad?? Can you elaborate?? Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted October 16, 2020 Share Posted October 16, 2020 Was it classic control? Did he isolate you? Did he control all finances? Did he expect you to apologize for making him mad? Link to post Share on other sites
Author twinklecat Posted October 24, 2020 Author Share Posted October 24, 2020 Sorry for the lack of reply, I've had a very busy week. I was very isolated in the end and he also got abusive with me. Throughout our 10 year relationship he has always had a temper and was quite domineering. However, I felt and did push back and we had some genuine happy times. However all this changed when we decided to move to a new country, on the suggestion of his parents and we moved in with them. I did the first 9 months on my own as he had paperwork issues. During this time I was very miserable but I hung on thinking all would be ok once he arrived. Since about 3 weeks after he arrived the household became more and more toxic which culminated in abusive behavior from him last week. I've ended it and bolted so now Im back in my own country. He is still in the other country with his parents. He doesn't want to come here and I dont want to share a house with his parents. So its completely over. I'm devestated. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted October 24, 2020 Share Posted October 24, 2020 @twinklecat Sorry for your loss, emigrating is very stressful. Give yourself some grieving time (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author twinklecat Posted October 25, 2020 Author Share Posted October 25, 2020 It was very stressful. I'm upset about the whole ordeal. He promised me moving would be great and he would take care of me. It would be me and him against the world. In reality he became very cold and had no empathy for me ever. I did a 4 hr commute each day, up at 5am doing a very intense program at school and I worked part time. If I was tired or said things were hard I was told to get on with it or everyone works hard or I wasnt working hard enough and had to work harder. Yet he could sit around playing video games and enjoying himself. He also started to pick a part at me, I was taking too long to learn to drive, I wasnt working enough (I was limited on the amount or hours based on my permit) and then he started getting abusive with me with it all coming to a head with an incident. Ive been so miserable for the past 2 years and it was the last straw. So I walked out. In the aftermath and crisis talks all anyone cared about was how to keep my ex in the country. I'm just so sorry we moved. We were genuinely happy before we did. I know I'm no saint. Because of my misery I haven't been the greatest person to be around. I've snapped at him and because I was so busy between work and school I had zero time to spend with him. We just got to an incredibly unhappy place. Why did he have to do what he did? I may have been able to keep going and not have to leave. I just want this all to be a horrid dream that I'll wake from. Link to post Share on other sites
Author twinklecat Posted October 28, 2020 Author Share Posted October 28, 2020 This really is an eye-opener for me. I always thought being the dumper was easy and they just go on their way. This is not the case for me. I ended things for good reasons but I'm just so heartbroken. Link to post Share on other sites
Author twinklecat Posted October 29, 2020 Author Share Posted October 29, 2020 So he messaged me tonight asking for help with something that Is already arranged for someone else to help him with. I thought we would be able to get into a chat. Nope. Why did I fall for this breadcrumb? Link to post Share on other sites
Author twinklecat Posted October 29, 2020 Author Share Posted October 29, 2020 It was an absolute breadcrumb. After last night with him telling me he was trying to hold it together I messaged him again today asking him to chat. He was rude and dismissive. He called me and I asked if we could salvage things and he said no. He was very cold aswell as rude and dismissive. But that is it. No more helping him with stuff that is of no concern to me. He can sort it himself!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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