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How do I fix this?


itselysemarie

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itselysemarie

I met somebody last month and we hit it off pretty well...until I fell into a two week depressive spiral as well as developed a crush on them. That led to us parting ways for awhile while I healed and had time to think about things.

Unfortunately, their forgiveness was only temporary, as I've realized after the fact that I'm not as over them as I thought I was, leading me to have said some very insensitive things during their time of need. I haven't any clue how to move on but I know that I need to before I can do anything more. TLDR; I want to be their friend but now I'm really not sure I can because of said feelings because it seems like they just get worse when I talk to them.

(If this is in the wrong spot, please feel free to move it to where it belongs.)

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It's unclear what you want from this. Friends? Dating? 

How did you meet? You know him/her a month and 2 weeks into it went into a "depressive spiral"?

It sounds like there is a lot more going on here than a crush on someone you know for 30 days.

What exactly is going on?

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itselysemarie

I'm not exactly sure how to explain it but I'll try.

We met online, on Instagram. We hit it off because of similar interests and such but because I have depression and anxiety and was going through a spiral right when we met, our friendship went downhill because of some things we both said, especially after I realized I had somehow developed a crush on her. She forgave me and everything was okay for awhile until I realized that I wasn't as over my feelings for her as I led myself (and her) to believe.

What I want now is to be able to move on from my feelings and actually be able to be her friend without having "marry me" and other similar thoughts on repeat in my head every time I talk to her, especially since she has someone. My feelings for her are just making things worse and I can't be her friend until I'm not crushing anymore. 

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It would be best to cut all contact. She is with someone. Don't try to be friends.

What about real life friends and family? Are you working/ going to school?

Do you belong to any groups, clubs, sports or volunteer?

The number one priority is to get to a doctor and therapist about the depression.

Scouring social media for "friends", is not a good idea.

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Why are you trying to be friends with a girl, you have a crush on and who is seeing someone else?
That is a path that will lead to misery and frustration for you. 
You have only known her for a month, so cut her off completely.
NO good can come of this.
Being friends with people you would rather date, never works out well for the one with the crush.

Get your depression under control and make that your main priority atm.
 

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itselysemarie

Probably because I'm a vulnerable, depressed idiot. I've actually blocked her everywhere but not before almost proposing in a moment of weakness (something which I'm not proud of) so really I'm just wondering how to forget her. I do have hobbies and such, and am in treatment and on meds for my depression, but as much as I throw myself into life to try and move on, I just can't get her out of my head because I think I've honestly screwed myself over and that nothing can be done now. 

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On 10/16/2020 at 8:50 AM, itsxanderkaidyn said:

Probably because I'm a vulnerable, depressed idiot. I've actually blocked her everywhere but not before almost proposing in a moment of weakness (something which I'm not proud of) so really I'm just wondering how to forget her. I do have hobbies and such, and am in treatment and on meds for my depression, but as much as I throw myself into life to try and move on, I just can't get her out of my head because I think I've honestly screwed myself over and that nothing can be done now. 

Yeah, no.  You are not going to be able to stay friends in a situation like this.  You are not in a place where you're emotionally or mentally healthy enough to have a friendship with this person and maintain healthy boundaries.  The only way you are going to be able to move on is to stop talking to this person.  Focus on yourself and work on your issues.

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