Is it possible for guys and ladies to be friends?

[Alpacalia]

One of my best friends is male, but since childhood, we have been friends.

It's not impossible, but for the majority, no.

[snowboy91]

9 hours ago, Mrin said:

 

Closing thought - I've found that women can make absolutely incredible friends as a dude. Fiercely loyal. Dependable. Able to keep secrets. And offer amazing advice. But also won't hesitate to call me out on my s***. 

Nail... head! Some of my female friends have a real knack for knowing when and in what way I'm thinking stupidly. Generally I just can't talk about the same stuff with a guy... there are exceptions though.

[TheEternalPessimist]

I have to somewhat call BS on the "fiercely loyal" and "dependable" argument. As a guy in his mid 20's who used to have a lot of female friends until about 6 or 7 years ago, overtime I find a lot of them to be very flaky and not particularly loyal, not to mention a fair amount of them ditched me and ghosted me completely when they got into relationships hence why I'm no longer friends with a lot of women or just people in general. Then again, maybe it's just me that had this happen to him. 

[Wiseman2]

Yes. If they're neighbors etc. Not if you want to date them.

 

 

 

 

[dramafreezone]

18 hours ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

I have to somewhat call BS on the "fiercely loyal" and "dependable" argument. As a guy in his mid 20's who used to have a lot of female friends until about 6 or 7 years ago, overtime I find a lot of them to be very flaky and not particularly loyal, not to mention a fair amount of them ditched me and ghosted me completely when they got into relationships hence why I'm no longer friends with a lot of women or just people in general. Then again, maybe it's just me that had this happen to him. 

I agree.  In my 20s I found a lot of my "friendships" with women to be one-sided.  It was usually mostly them talking and talking about their issues with guys, being a sounding board.  And their advice to me in regards to dealing with women was usually horrible.   Back then I figured women give great advice about women, so the fact that it's not working meant I was the problem.  Many years removed I see it was the opposite, the advice was horrible.

I guess it just depends on the guy.  The women that were my friends were good to great people, but none met my high bar of what a friend is, but it's that way with guys for me too.  I don't have a ton of male friends either, but the ones I do have are really dependable, always make time and I do for them.  Also it's about common interests, and I haven't found any women that share my very narrow but deep focus of hobbies.  Now when you're romantically involved with someone, she's naturally going to make an effort to be interested in your interests, but friends don't make this effort.

I think a lot of people use the term "friend" when they mean "acquaintance."  I have tons of female acquaintances and will hang out in a group setting, but as far as a dependable friend, where you make time for that person and they're a high priority for you and you her, have not really found that outside of the romantic confines.

Edited February 7, 2021 by dramafreezone

[TheEternalPessimist]

I feel like a lot of women use their guy friends as emotional tools without actually investing themselves much in what the other party is going through. And some guys stay stuck in that situation either because they don't know any better, they don't know how to get out of it or they want more from the friendship so they suffer in silence. My former supervisor at my last job is a good example of that. We used to live in the same country, I moved away 3 years ago, we haven't seen eacn other since and over 90% of our conversations have been about her problems, her relationships. She barely ever asks me how I'm doing or tries to make the conversation about me for once. If I was to ask her what's the name of the company I work for and what I do on a daily basis at work, she probably wouldn't be able to answer. Of course, she would proceed to blame her bad memory for that but it's more than that. I'm not really attached to that friendship either way but it's still annoying nontheless. 

Edited February 7, 2021 by TheEternalPessimist

[SharpMind]

On 2/7/2021 at 5:54 PM, TheEternalPessimist said:

I feel like a lot of women use their guy friends as emotional tools without actually investing themselves much in what the other party is going through. And some guys stay stuck in that situation either because they don't know any better, they don't know how to get out of it or they want more from the friendship so they suffer in silence. My former supervisor at my last job is a good example of that. We used to live in the same country, I moved away 3 years ago, we haven't seen eacn other since and over 90% of our conversations have been about her problems, her relationships. She barely ever asks me how I'm doing or tries to make the conversation about me for once. If I was to ask her what's the name of the company I work for and what I do on a daily basis at work, she probably wouldn't be able to answer. Of course, she would proceed to blame her bad memory for that but it's more than that. I'm not really attached to that friendship either way but it's still annoying nontheless. 

Wondering why you keep the relationship going?  Is it that you have feelings?  She sounds like a narcissist.

[TheEternalPessimist]

18 hours ago, SharpMind said:

Wondering why you keep the relationship going?  Is it that you have feelings?  She sounds like a narcissist.

If I had feelings, I wouldn't be so critical of her. I keep it going not to hurt her feelings and because I'm bored sometimes. 

[elaine567]

Most younger women, who are actively dating or who are looking for "the one" have no time to cultivate friendships with guys they are not romantically interested in.
She therefore takes what is offered from her friend groups, but her real focus is on finding a man for herself.
She will therefore ditch "friends" both male and female, in favour of any guy she feels has real potential.
Some people will make the mistake of doing their utmost for "friends", to find when every one else gets coupled up, they are left with no-one...

Finding a suitable partner is a big task, there is no time to be wasted on people that in a few years time they will likely have very little in common with.
Men trying to be friends with girls who have no interest, in the hope they may have a chance, is time wasted in my opinion, time they could have spent "wooing"  a more interested girl.
Young women often have lots of orbiters.
Are they friendly, engaged, and sociable towards them? 
Yes of course, but would they ever date them?
NO way.

[dramafreezone]

On 2/10/2021 at 2:38 AM, elaine567 said:

Most younger women, who are actively dating or who are looking for "the one" have no time to cultivate friendships with guys they are not romantically interested in.
She therefore takes what is offered from her friend groups, but her real focus is on finding a man for herself.

I agree, which is why I can say that I haven't really had a woman that fit the friend role for me.  They literally don't have the time.  What I used to call a friend was actually friendzone, and I don't allow myself to be put in those situations anymore.

Of course I know lots of women and am friendly with them, hang out in group settings at times, but no one that I would call a true friend.  I'm thinking other guys that think they have female friends have what I would call acquaitances.

[dramafreezone]

On 2/10/2021 at 2:38 AM, elaine567 said:

Most younger women, who are actively dating or who are looking for "the one" have no time to cultivate friendships with guys they are not romantically interested in.
She therefore takes what is offered from her friend groups, but her real focus is on finding a man for herself.
She will therefore ditch "friends" both male and female, in favour of any guy she feels has real potential.
Some people will make the mistake of doing their utmost for "friends", to find when every one else gets coupled up, they are left with no-one...

Finding a suitable partner is a big task, there is no time to be wasted on people that in a few years time they will likely have very little in common with.
Men trying to be friends with girls who have no interest, in the hope they may have a chance, is time wasted in my opinion, time they could have spent "wooing"  a more interested girl.
Young women often have lots of orbiters.
Are they friendly, engaged, and sociable towards them? 
Yes of course, but would they ever date them?
NO way.

I agree with pretty much all of this, and there's nothing wrong with it.  A woman should be looking for a man if that's what she wants.  It just doesn't lend itself with her having a meaningful, platonic friendship.  Men are much more suited for that role for other men because there's no conflict of interest.

Wish I'd known about how useless orbiting was 20 years ago.  But I guess there's value in having experienced it.

[Mysterio]

My female friends go as follows.

AG is my high school friend.  I love her like a sister.  

DS is my yoga teacher.  She is 69 to my 49 at the moment.  We get along well and are very close.

JK is my friends wife.  We have a Brother in law/Sister in law dynamic.

JC is my freind of 9 yrs come the fall.  She knew my cousin.  

JO I met in Budhist Chanting.  We went out for 4 months and then remained friends.

DD is my ex and we went out June to Nov 2012.  She has a baby through in-vitro.  I see her 2-3 times a yr.

AM is a friend that I met when she visited our mutual BD, who is my childhood friend.  

So thats it for me for female friends.  Everyone female is an acquaintance.  I don't think from this point I could be just friends with a  new female on a regular basis.  I want more physical intimacy in my life.  PT = Hugging/Kissing/Making out and Making love 2-3 times a week.  Skip a week here and there as life can make us tired.