Is it possible for guys and ladies to be friends?

[veronik]

The truth is that it is very difficult to find true friends nowadays. In my case, the men I meet on dating sites just want sex or for me to get naked on webcam😔. It's frustrating when I meet people who aren't worth it. I know that all people are not like that but I still have the illusion of finding a good friend to have a nice friendship

[TheEternalPessimist]

It's doable but it's also rare because a lot of people have bad intentions. 

[Uruktopi]

I have good friends, both female and male, that remained dear ones for as long as 40 years or even more.

Is somehow different with the ones that are "girls"? Yup, there are some specific nuances about, but (as long as in my experience) never obstacles to friendship, authentic one.

 

[Miss Spider]

I am currently seeking friends. I have noticed this a lot lately. Men wanting to be friends after they have expressed interest and I did not feel the same way. I want to be optimistic about it. I want to say that people are enlightened enough to be able to extricate their romantic interest in someone and keep the ‘platonic’ interest. I want to be able to say that they can see benefits in a genuine friendship with someone that they were once romantically attached to.

 

However, another part of me thinks this is just some kind of hamstering that people do, whether to stay in the life of a person they are romantically interested in any capacity possible just to have “something” and also perhaps for a chance that in a moment of weakness something romantic may come of it. 
 

it would take a very particular type of friendship with a man for me to be comfortable with it. 
 

 

[TheEternalPessimist]

Men who want to stay friends with you or with any woman AFTER expressing feelings are simply dishonest hypocrites ^^

[alphamale]

On 10/17/2020 at 11:03 AM, Ruby Slippers said:

Being friendly is not being friends. I'm friendly with male colleagues, neighbors, the guy who mows my yard, etc. But I'm not friends with them. 

They are acquaintances RS.

[central]

So many of you are self-limiting and apparently unable to exert any self-control with the opposite sex - but it's not my problem.

[Foxhall]

I enjoy having "brotherly and sisterly" relationships at times with some ladies,

(because I am unable to get any more with them says you,)

still not all about sex , nice to have just friendships 

[Angelle]

I have male friends. They aren't trying to get me into bed. I feel very lucky to know them, and they are reminders that good men are out there. 

[Irridescent]

I have a few male friends with whom I know there is absolutely no sexual tension. With one of them we actually had to share a double bed due to a booking error by a third-party, and there was no awkwardness at all, it felt like being in bed with my brother. He even told his girlfriend about it in front of me and she looked at me laughing saying : "oh poor you, you had to deal with his snoring!". It's absolutely possible, when you have shared interests then it doesn't really matter whether the person is male or female.

I had one interesting encounter from OLD from a few years ago, we went on a few dates and had a really nice time but none of us was going in for a kiss. Then one day he made the move and it just felt so wrong we both broke it off and said "ok, that's not going to work". We ended up meeting up regularly and now have dinner together or go for walks at least once a month. I consider him to be a good friend.

[MsJayne]

On 10/17/2020 at 11:37 AM, alphamale said:

women want male friends that are castrated.  don't be fooled.  

start the relationship off as a lover and not a friend.

No, not true Alpha. Just because we don't want to have sex with a male friend doesn't mean we want him to be nutless.  And ex-lovers don't make good friends because as soon as they get into a relationship their new partner senses the connection and often is jealous and insecure about the friendship.  

[MsJayne]

Yes, it is. But only if the friendship is based on common interests and values, rather than based on the fact that one party has the hots for the other and hopes for more than friendship. 

[alphamale]

2 hours ago, MsJayne said:

No, not true Alpha. Just because we don't want to have sex with a male friend doesn't mean we want him to be nutless.  And ex-lovers don't make good friends because as soon as they get into a relationship their new partner senses the connection and often is jealous and insecure about the friendship.  

Good point MJ

[TheEternalPessimist]

10 hours ago, MsJayne said:

No, not true Alpha. Just because we don't want to have sex with a male friend doesn't mean we want him to be nutless.  And ex-lovers don't make good friends because as soon as they get into a relationship their new partner senses the connection and often is jealous and insecure about the friendship.  

Friendships between exes is bulls*** anyways, you can't be friends with someone you saw naked and slept with, some people are fooling themselves to the 10th degree. 

[elaine567]

3 hours ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

Friendships between exes is bulls*** anyways, you can't be friends with someone you saw naked and slept with, some people are fooling themselves to the 10th degree. 

That is not true.
Women especially can easily  be just friends with ex lovers.
Once the love dies, then the sexual attraction tends to die with it.
So if she dumped him or she has fallen out of love and/or no longer finds him sexually attractive, then sex is usually a no go.
Friendship is then all she is offering.

[Blind-Sided]

Yes... guys can have female friends.  BUT... it depends on the guy really.   I know so may guys who just want to screw every girl they meet.  OR, they look at every girl in a sexual way.  Heck... even my father is that way.  We can be sitting in an air port, and he will say... "Look at her!!"  or some other comment that turns any female into a sex object.  Even female business associates... after a meeting... he will say something like... "She's pretty for her age."  I've actually gotten mad a few times and said... "What does that have to do with the meeting?"  My dad is a great guy, and wouldn't actually do anything inappropriate (Folks been married for 53 years)  But, his mind isn't where it needs to be to have real female friends.

Now... Myself... I have several female friends... and I am thankful for it.  2 of them were my guiding light through my divorce. I've known one of them for 20 years, and the other for about 16 years.  We are there for each other, and we listen to each other's issues... and we can cry on each other's shoulders.  We can get together, and chat, have coffee, have dinner, hang out at each other's houses... and it's never gone past a friendship.  And because they both mean so much to me... I would never let that change. 

Edited December 9, 2020 by Blind-Sided

[Blind-Sided]

4 hours ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

Friendships between exes is bulls*** anyways, you can't be friends with someone you saw naked and slept with, some people are fooling themselves to the 10th degree. 

 

55 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

That is not true.
Women especially can easily  be just friends with ex lovers.
Once the love dies, then the sexual attraction tends to die with it.
So if she dumped him or she has fallen out of love and/or no longer finds him sexually attractive, then sex is usually a no go.
Friendship is then all she is offering.

Well... you are both right.  It all has to do with the situation.

@TheEternalPessimist is right in the fact that very few relationships end mutually. So, one side will always feel cheated, and broken because of it.  In those cases... there simply can not be a "Friendship" after.   The tension will be high, as one side will be trying to (quietly) get back together with the other. 

@elaine567 Sure... this could happen.  But like I already said... a mutual "Falling out of love" is not common.  AND... even if it does happen... that probably means that the couple didn't have enough in common to keep the relationship going.  So why would they want to remain friends?  (as in hanging out, and doing things?)  I think the more probable outcome to this would be a close acquaintances, where they chat on social media, or send xmas cards.  They can remain "Friendly" but aren't truly "Friends". 

In my life... there was only one girl who I was able to "See Naked" and be friends with.  It was a girl I hung out with when I was just starting in college. We would go to clubs, and hang out a lot.  We fooled around a few times because we were drunk, and we would crash at each other's places.  For years, we kept in contact, but we now live on opposite sides of the country, and we haven't talked in several years. (same as with many of my guy friends of youth)   But every GF, or FWB ended poorly, and those relationships had to be cut off, and no friendship could be possible because of hurt feelings. 

My 2 cents... take it for what it's worth. 

Edited December 9, 2020 by Blind-Sided

[TheEternalPessimist]

2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

That is not true.
Women especially can easily  be just friends with ex lovers.
Once the love dies, then the sexual attraction tends to die with it.
So if she dumped him or she has fallen out of love and/or no longer finds him sexually attractive, then sex is usually a no go.
Friendship is then all she is offering.

Women yes but not men which proves my point, it takes two to tango.

[elaine567]

39 minutes ago, TheEternalPessimist said:

Women yes but not men which proves my point, it takes two to tango.

But if women are  saying no, then nothing happens, does it?

[Uruktopi]

6 hours ago, elaine567 said:

But if women are  saying no, then nothing happens, does it?

Elaine

I trend to agree with your posts and, to a certain degree, also in this one.

Conversely, I don´t share at all Pessimist´s points of view, but...I can see a point there, even if a debatable one.

"But if women are  saying no, then nothing happens, does it?" No and Yes.

If "nothing" means they wouldn´t  end in bed and that is enough to say that "nothing happens", you are right.

But is true only if "saying no" also means dropping all other interaction if the man is persistent crossing a line, let´s say twice.

Else, if "NO" is equated to just "Not saying YES" in  Ceteris Paribus conditions, it will probably will not be enough to end this kind of interaction along time.

Which counts.

Or may count for an actual BF / hubby / partner that the woman may have. 

Edited December 9, 2020 by Uruktopi

[central]

Some of my best female friends were former lovers.  We ended the relationships for various good reasons, but nothing that would stop us being friends.  (One I set up with another good friend.)  Would we have sex again?  If the situation were right, probably.  For me, some would be a definite yes, and some would not be a good idea for one or both of us - so no.  Either way, with or without an ongoing sexual attraction, we choose how to behave with each other.  Self-control, ethical behavior - it's not that hard, IMO.  I also have friends where we've never had sex, been strongly tempted (or not), but decided it wasn't the right choice.  That doesn't mean we can't be friends and behave appropriately despite sexual attraction.  And because my wife and I can both set clear boundaries and observe them, we trust each other to have opposite sex friends.  Of course, since we also have an open relationship, we can have sex with friends - but need to agree to it in advance.

[TheEternalPessimist]

On 12/9/2020 at 5:45 PM, elaine567 said:

But if women are  saying no, then nothing happens, does it?

That's not the point because the "friendship" is already one-sided and highly hypocritical. 

[Shining One]

On 12/9/2020 at 4:54 AM, TheEternalPessimist said:

Friendships between exes is bulls*** anyways, you can't be friends with someone you saw naked and slept with, some people are fooling themselves to the 10th degree. 

I'm more likely to be friends with a woman I slept with than a woman who rejected me.

[NuevoYorko]

I think it's a weird question.  Yes.  I've had women friends all my life.  It doesn't matter if I find them attractive and would like to have sex with them, that doesn't make friendship impossible or even difficult.  It's just an aspect of that particular relationship. 

IMO if a person has issues like worrying that a woman is going to take advantage of him or a man is only bothering with her in hopes to get in her pants, those are things  that they might want to do something about.  Writing off half the population because of insecurities seems self limiting.

 

[Miss Spider]

The more I read and experience, the more evidence I discover that substantiates that most of the time : 

 

Man friends: would sleep with the woman but something is preventing it (usually the woman herself ) 

Female friends: would not sleep with the guy, but thinks he’s nice. (Or more rarely has been rejected by the guy) 

 

Not saying healthy m/f friendships can’t exist, just that I agree with eternalpessimist that it’s 9/10 an asymmetrical, nebulous, contradictory thing. 
 

It’s just the asymmetry that occurs with humans lack of acceptance and how men would sleep with the majority of women and the majority women would only sleep with a minority of men. Makes for more difficult level friendships 

 

Edited December 12, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes