3 year relationship on the verge of ending, not sure how to feel.

[turokturok5]

Hi all. Just looking for a bit of advice and/or venting my thoughts. I've been dating a wonderful woman for 3 years, we met at uni and she is a few years older than me. We've had solid relationship with very few issues, bar one 6 months ago where we were on the verge of breaking up due to covid quaratine and not being able to see each other for months. She questioned how I truly felt about her as I have never been very good with showing how much I love her with words, but once we were able to see eachother again we worked it out and things were back to normal.

The last 6 weeks I have felt very different about our relationship. We both just started our careers and I have been working full time as a medical intern. I've been working 60 hour weeks which leaves very little time to see my partner (we both still live with our parents but were planning on moving out soon).  We would see each other on weekends but usually with a group of friends and rarely having time alone together. We hadn't been intimate in about 6 weeks and I just felt like the dynamic of our relationship had changed, it was less loving, less affectionate and we were starting to feel more like friends. I brought this up with her  on the phone and she said she had noticed things had changed as well and we agreed to catch up for dinner.

We spent the first night out together in months and everything seemed completely normal as if there was nothing wrong between us. But then I guess we realized that we had swept what we talked about on the phone under the rug and had a serious conversation about the future of our relationship. Basically we both feel as if the other person had become less affectionate/loving towards one another and that's why we had stopped being intimate, which has lead to us both not being very happy with the state of the relationship. 
 

I admitted to her that because of how I had been feeling - as if she didn't love me anymore and not being happy with the lack of intimacy, I had felt as if I was at a crossroads and had to decide whether or not I wanted to continue with the relationship. But I feel as if the situation is circumstantial as we have both just started new careers, haven't had much time for each other and this big change in our lives has just put a strain on our relationship. I want to stick it out and start making more of an effort to spend time together. She said she was very confused as she hasn't been happy with the relationship but still loved me and didn't want to let go of me, but didn't know if she could go on. 

I asked her directly if she wanted to break up, she said she didn't know and needed some time to think. She said she was mostly ready to break up, but after spending the night together and talking through how we were both feeling she wasn't sure anymore. I let her know that I wanted to try and work things out, that I would give her time/space to think and wouldn't contact her until she knew if she really wanted to be with me or not.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, turokturok5 said:

We would see each other on weekends but usually with a group of friends and rarely having time alone together. 

Had you tried to make plans for just the two of you? 

[Wiseman2]

How much older is she? Why is she living at home?

It seems the relationship is fading out for a variety of reasons. The biggest is different goals and timelines. Another is lack of adult privacy for intimacy to happen.

Make a clean break. Set yourselves free. Focus on your medical training.

She needs to get out of her parents house on her own either with roommates or a place she can afford.

It's not your job to be a springboard out of her parents house. Sadly this relationship seems to have run its course. Don't be trapped in a roommate/live together situation.

[TeddyBundy1993]

In my opinion she has lost significant amount of interest in you. Dont blame yourself but this year has been worst not only bcz of virus but also on couples. You need to step back now, and show her what life can be without you. Dont be in contact in her anymore then she can figure out. 

I mean you have tried it all worked on your dying relationship but didnt happened take a good break.  Break will help you both analyze what you want from each other. It's the last attempt you can make brother. Dont keep your expectations high, she seems to be done. But since you are so much keen to work on things you can try breaking for now. It will be helpful for you both, you can move on and prepare yourself for future. Dont loose Hope if it doesn't works out sometimes it just get over like that only.