mlchris2 Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Hello again, Well, the love of my life and I had a talk last night. I got her to agree that we would stay seperated for awhile, rather than jumping right into divorce. One of the stipulations was that I was to leave her alone (meaing not call her when I'm sad or bother her when something is wrong). I agreed, becuase it was something I wanted. I asked her about counseling and she responded with "I dont agree with it, so I'm not going". Okay.... Well, I have the kids while she works at nights. I watch them at her place, until she gets home. One weekends, they stay with me and I leave them Sunday night. I get 2 days off during the week. We had a long talk about our days off and how each of us shouldnt intervene on the others days off. I agreed. Well I get a call from her and she told me that the kids are going to her mothers, so she could go out with friends from work. I promptly told her thats childish to pawn the kids off at her moms so she could go play... So I picked the kids up and took them over to her place and waited for her return. As usuall, she arrived 30 minutes late and called and said if the kids are asleep, I can just leave becuase she's 5 minutes away. I decided to stay until she got there. The greetings and good byes were very short...."Thanks for letting me go...bye...SLAM of DOOR". Right there I knew something was up. Through this whole seperation I've had the feelings of her cheating and messing around. I called her out on it and as expected, I got told "no". I've know this person for close to 10 years now (married for 7, dated for 3) and I know when something is fishy or if she is trying to hide something. So I drive away, going the opposite direction I normally go. A short moment later she calls me and asks where I'm at. I told her that I was leaving the house. She then asked why I went that way. I said "becuase I was parked weird and it was easier for me to turn and go that way. She then though I did it to spy on her. I asked if the was feeling guilty about something, else why would she be thinking that. She said bye and hung the phone up. Well as I left the driveway, I notice a vehice parked a few houses up that usually isnt there and the lights where on and people inside. I took a glance and noticed a few of the faces in the vehicle. So I rounded the block and parked withing viewing distance of the house and saw the vehicle turn around and pull into the driveway. Instantly I wanted to call her and chew her out, but I kept calm. She has a roommate living with her, they share some of the same friends, cuase they work at the same place. Well the vehicle was occupied by 2 female, 4 males.... This got me even more worked up. So I went back to my place... poured a stiff... okay several stiff drinks and calmed down. Okay, WHAT IS GOING ON??? Is she doing this on purpose? She knows that I dont care if she has friends over, although I do get a little jealous when her friends happen to be single men from work (I'm a man, I know how things work...) Should I call her out on this incident or just leave things be? I'd rather know people are comming over than her lie about it, cuase that just looks bad (on her part). Appriciate your advice.... Mark Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Let me begin by stating I think the separation itself is just a game she is playing with you. She gets to make demands of what you need to do in order to separate rather than divorce. But your request to actually do a necessary thing, marriage counselling, is flat out, categorically, rejected. So basically she was having a party at her home while the kids are in bed? What a great parent! Yes, these people were waiting around the corner for you to leave so they could show up. But I am guessing it has more to do with not wanting you to know she was having parties while the kids are in bed more than feeling any guilt about possibly cheating on you. Bottom line, she has zero respect for you, and from this post I will say she has no redeming qualities. Are you sure you want to try and fix this? I'm not usually inclined to encourage divorce, but this case sounds different. It sounds like it would be best for everyone concerned if you got a divorce and got primary custody of your kids. That way you can move on with finding a healthy relationship, your kids could be in a stable environment with a responsible parent, and your wife can go out partying and whoring about to her hearts content. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mlchris2 Posted October 14, 2005 Author Share Posted October 14, 2005 Thank Devil, I'm at a loss for words right now. I know that what she is doing in not what a parent should be doing and I dont feel she's taking this seperation-think serious. There are more issues at hand that I wont even bring up. There are sometimes I want to slap her silly, take the kids and let her be, so she can see how it feels to live in reality. But the father/husband/friend in me knows I screwed up, is hoping she will come around and realize she's just as much at fault and we fix whats wrong and become a great family. thanks again for listening Mark Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 There is a very wide spectrum of opinions on the subject of dating during a separation. My personal view is that doing so is inconsistent with a good faith intent to reconcile & fix the relationship. A separation is not a divorce. Strictly speaking, the separatees are still married to each other, & such external relationships may be inappropriate. Furthermore, an external sexual relationship would be, by definition, adultery. I would concur with Devildog's view. Her attitude & actions indicate she no longer has any interest in being either a good parent or a good wife, & you really need to consider the best interests of your children. I wish you luck. You have a monumental task before you. ____________________________________ If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be. - Yogi Berra Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 There is a very wide spectrum of opinions on the subject of dating during a separation. My personal view is that doing so is inconsistent with a good faith intent to reconcile & fix the relationship. A separation is not a divorce. Strictly speaking, the separatees are still married to each other, & such external relationships may be inappropriate. Furthermore, an external sexual relationship would be, by definition, adultery. I would concur with Devildog's view. Her attitude & actions indicate she no longer has any interest in being either a good parent or a good wife, & you really need to consider the best interests of your children. I wish you luck. You have a monumental task before you. Ditto. I'm in complete agreement. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 She's doing two things: She's proving to herself that she doesn't need you or the kids; and,She's doing her best to hurt you. Unfortunatley, she's obviously not the same person you married. Contact a lawyer and get your affairs in order, and get her served with divorce papers as soon as you possibly can. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 On a completely unrelated note, am I the only one who reads Scott S's posts and hears Lt. Worf's voice in my head? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 On a completely unrelated note, am I the only one who reads Scott S's posts and hears Lt. Worf's voice in my head? Nope. And I get a HUGE kick out of it every time I read one too!!! Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 It's a fact that most separations lead to divorce... I don't see any hope, based on your description of her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mlchris2 Posted October 15, 2005 Author Share Posted October 15, 2005 WOW!!! It didnt hit me until a few days after posting, what she is really doing and how "sucked" in I'm getting. I will take all you thoughts and advice and really thing about it. Thanks again everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 On a completely unrelated note, am I the only one who reads Scott S's posts and hears Lt. Worf's voice in my head? I think he has a very nice voice. A deep, resonating baritone to bass. He's now a lieutenant commander, too. A testimony to his faithful & competent service to Starfleet! Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 It didnt hit me until a few days after posting, what she is really doing and how "sucked" in I'm getting. As time passes, you will likely be astounded what all you realize. Love is truly blind, & it cannot be turned off like a light switch. It takes time for the feelings to diminish. It was over the course of a couple years that I realized all that my ex-w did, & I could not believe what all I had endured. And I was still quite saddened at the time our marriage fell apart. Knowing then what I know now, I would not have gone anywhere near her. Link to post Share on other sites
seachange Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 As time passes, you will likely be astounded what all you realize. Love is truly blind, & it cannot be turned off like a light switch. It takes time for the feelings to diminish. It was over the course of a couple years that I realized all that my ex-w did, & I could not believe what all I had endured. And I was still quite saddened at the time our marriage fell apart. Knowing then what I know now, I would not have gone anywhere near her. Ditto. And well said, Lt. (Commander) Wharf. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Ditto. And well said, Lt. (Commander) Wharf. Nuggh Neyh' Qapla, Joh'l-wi! Link to post Share on other sites
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