Don't Know What to Think

[iamlamby]

She[25] and I [31] broke up a little over a week ago.

She has been quite overwhelmed with school these days and will transfer to another school in 6 months in another city about 2 hours apart. For the last couple months together i rarely see her due to her family and school responsibilities. I tried my best not to make her feel pressured to hang out with me but I think the loneliness I felt still came through.

We finally had the talk last weekend and she told me she doesn't know what to do with her life right now and is absolutely overwhelmed. She also thinks this is a good time for her to try to be alone and live alone(which she has never done, currently living with roommate).From our conversation I can understand she's at a point in life where she just wants to break free and be on her own to explore life. And I completely understand that cause we all felt that at one point or another. She told me she loves me very much and she thinks about reuniting in the future, and she said those thoughts make her happy. She told me she finally understood why some people say they love each other but aren't together, she used to think that was idiotic. So we spent a lovely weekend together and ended it with lots of hugs and tears.

My question is, how do I move on knowing we both love each other even though I know the chances of us actually reuniting is probably less than 20%.She will move to a new city and have a fresh start somewhere with new people in her life. I just don't know how to process this, do I pretend what we said to each other is just something she said in the moment, or actually live life thinking of that shared dream? Or was it just her being selfish, doing whatever she wants and keeping me on the backburner? Do I get mad at her for the lack of effort in even trying?

[d0nnivain]

It was just something she said.  She meant it as in you're a good person & she was trying to soften the blow of the break up.  In trying to be kind, she gave you false hope.  Intellectually you know this.  She's not being selfish.  She doesn't want you to sit around & wait for her.  She wants you to move forward  knowing that she doesn't hate you & hoping that you don't hate her for moving her life in a direction that makes her happy but takes her away from you.  

Grieve for what you lost then move forward.  

[FMW]

Don't hold onto the hope that she'll come back to you later.  I'm one of those people that believe if you're meant to be together you will, but when circumstances are separating you, accept that as a sign that at least for now you need to move forward in your own directions.  

Don't stay in contact with her, treat it as you would a permanent break with no chance of reconciliation. That's the only way you can move forward.

Focus on things that make you happy - hobbies, spending time with friends, family, etc.  Create your own fresh start and be open to meeting new people yourself.      

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. How long were you dating?

[iamlamby]

One year, before that she was in a 2 year relationship..

[ExpatInItaly]

On 10/20/2020 at 2:49 AM, d0nnivain said:

It was just something she said.  She meant it as in you're a good person & she was trying to soften the blow of the break up.  In trying to be kind, she gave you false hope. 

All of this, yes. 

I also don't think she's being selfish. I think she's trying to let you go gently because she knows she just doesn't feel the same way anymore but doesn't want to hurt you any further by admitting that. You can love someone and still know they're not right for you, in the sense that she cares and wants the best for you but doesn't see herself with you. 

It hurts, but it's best to walk away now.