Friend turning into annoying person

[Lagoon1212]

This sounds bad but these are my thoughts and feelings. I have this friend who recently started dating online. I tried to be realistic with her but she said she doesn't appreciate people being too harsh while being honest (I guess she wants me to be tactful when voicing my opinion). So, I have done my best to tell her that certain guys are just lost cases and to stop obsessing about it. I would even ask my boyfriend for opinion if my text was too harsh and change it adequately... meaning I changed who I am to be sensitive to her while dealing with nonsense. On top of that she would start obsessing with every single guy she meets online. It starts from omg, he is not asking me out, to ok he asked me out but what if he doesn't like me, or what if i dont like him... it gets exhausting but i feel like i was there for her.

So recently i had a job interview and even though she never expressed any interest in how it went i texted her. I told her that it kind of went ok, the manager said someone else is part of the interview and will be giving me call too. That was at 10am, but by 5pm I received no call or email (granted she never said it was gonna happen the same day, but i assumed so).

My friend response: ha, unfortunately employers are original ghosters. I wish they werent. That's it. And mind you, I don't 100%believe i was ghosted just yet. The manager said both people interview candidates but the other person was busy and she even explained how she was gonna set up time for that second phone call and if that doesnt work for me I can reach out to her, blah,blah.

 

I  feel very bothered by this. Am I overreacting?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I have a friend like this.  Her life has been consumed for months by online dating and I've mostly welcomed all of the phone calls, texts, in person viewing of profiles about it because it's interesting to me and I don't have a ton going on in my own life lol.  But, it gets so tiring for different reasons than yours....but it's really no different in the end....it's still tiring.  She does make a point to maybe once a week ask specific questions about my kids, my job search (I'm laid off), how I'm doing, but it feels like it is out of duty. She has recently reeeeaaalllllyyy scaled back on talking to me about her OLD adventures when I really laid into her about her desire/consideration of dating a married man she'd been heavily conversing with.  I did not mince words with her and she didn't really like it.  Still, we are friends (and having dinner this week).....but she's tempered all of the detail (and how often) of what she tells me.....and I'm grateful.....

I guess my advice is....you still matter in this friendship and if you're giving WAY more than you are taking, find a way to make it clear that's no ok.  And if she doesn't compromise, it wasn't a great friendship to begin with.

Good luck with the job search!

[MsJayne]

I also have a friend like this. You're supposed to be the sounding board for every thought and worry that goes through their mind but they dismiss your stuff as trivial.  My friend doesn't do OLD, she does 'flings' with Afro-American basketball players, (ie: they live overseas), and then spends months obsessing over why some random dude she's met, at one of the (international) basketball tournaments she follows, stops communicating with her when he's flown back home to the US, (probably to his unfortunate wife or girlfriend). You aren't allowed to make intelligent observations, (like, why are you behaving like a sports groupie at the age of almost 60 and do you realise how ridiculous you look hanging around the edge of the basketball court salivating over men 20 years younger than you?), because if you do say anything truthful you're a bully and she gets huffy. You have to, like you describe, tailor every conversation to avoid hurting her feelings. The reality is, she's completely self-unaware and anything you say that pushes her too close to introspection that could lead to self-awareness is met with a frosty silence, sulking, or even tears. The thing about these type of friends is that they choose us because we enable their behaviour by permitting and indulging their self-delusion. Try being straight-up honest with your friend, tell her so stop carrying on as if exchanging two lines of text convo with a guy is going to lead to the romance of the century. If she's as immature as she sounds she'll sulk a bit but soon get over it and maybe even learn to modify her behaviour.