scubagirl72 Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 My fiance, that I've been with for 7 years, decided that he was a naturist about 4 years ago. He frequently spends time with a married naturist couple and went on a two week vacation with them to a naturist resort. I've struggled with this, but love him, and am trying desperately to accept this part of his life. I am not invited to these meetings because I am not comfortable being nude with other people and the rules are that if you're not naked you can't come. We are generally very open with one another and we don't restrict our phones from each other. Recently, I saw a text from the female (married) naturist friend had sent him a picture she took of him naked. I find it unsettling but also try to understand that this may be normal in a naturist friendship. Then found a timelapse video he took of himself washing his mtorcycle... in the buff... there is a lot of bending over involved when washing a motorcycle! Is this out of the ordinary? Would someone do this for their own enjoyment? Or is he sharing these types of videos with people? Should I be worried?? Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 What he's doing may be completely normal within the group he's associating with. That doesn't mean you have to be ok with it. Like everything else in relationships, you have to decide what you can deal with and what you can't. Doesn't make either of you right or wrong. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 (edited) 4 years ago I would have told him to hit the road. This is a lifestyle, and since you don't feel comfortable with it and don't partake in it, then why are you with him? This is incompatibility. This is a deal breaker. My friend's mom and her BF were nudists, and it's about being free. That video and photo does have sexual undertones....it's not in the true spirit of nudism. Edited October 20, 2020 by smackie9 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 You're not compatible. Perhaps nudity is not viewed as sexual in their circles, but nonetheless you are uncomfortable with that lifestyle. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scubagirl72 Posted October 20, 2020 Author Share Posted October 20, 2020 Thanks so much for the thoughts... we work well together, enjoy our time together and love each other. If there was a pill I could take to not let the nudity bother me, I would take it! That way I could share this part of his life with him. The naturism is one of his interests... I have my own interests as well that he doesn't share with me. But maybe you're right, and that it is too big a difference. Guess what my real concern is the video... smackie9, I also thought that the video had some sexual undertones... and thinking that if this is part of the lifestyle he should have mentioned that? So feeling a little betrayed. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 Yeah, the video crosses the lone from nudost/naturalist to exhibitionist. You should really have a talk with him about that. Let him know why it bothers you & see what he says. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Atwood Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 (edited) Naturism is a valid choice and it's super cool of you to be accepting of that in your partner, however, I think there's a reason that a lot of naturists couple up. This would be a dealbreaker for me personally, as much as I would try to accept the naturism thing, I would feel extremely uncomfortable with my partner spending time with people completely naked and him sharing photos of videos of himself naked and vice versa with others. I get distigmatising nudity and not seeing it as a taboo. I really do think it's a good thing not to inherently sexualise the naked body, however, it's a bit different in the context of a relationship where one partner is partaking and the other isn't on board. The video thing sounds extremely inappropriate to me. It sounds sexual to me but even if it isn't, that doesn't mean that it's acceptable in the bounds of your relationship. Being a naturist/naked where possible is one thing, exchanging naked photos and videos with other people is another. Just because you accept some of it doesn't mean he gets to run wild and it seems like he isn't discussing where the boundaries are with you. I can't think of a reason for sending someone a video of you washing a motorcycle naked if not for a sexual reason. Imagine if you sent a video to a male friend of you washing a car with a white, wet t-shirt on. I can only think of one reason you'd do that. I'm really sorry about this weird situation. You've been really trusting and supportive of your partner and it's genuinely really cool, I think there's just a real potential that wires are being crossed with what's acceptable OR worst case he's getting up to things on the naked vacations. Edited October 20, 2020 by Atwood grammar 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scubagirl72 Posted October 20, 2020 Author Share Posted October 20, 2020 So appreciate the comments! It's great to have a forum like this to get other opinions. You can really get lost in your own head sometimes. This helps put perspective on everything. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 I would guess the photo is "normal" in those circles, but the video? I highly doubt he did that for his own enjoyment...... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 5 hours ago, scubagirl72 said: I am not invited to these meetings because I am not comfortable being nude with other people and the rules are that if you're not naked you can't come. We here at LS could use some clarity regarding this part. I suspect m-m-m-m-m-MOST of us would imagine that you are indeed "invited" to these meetings, but that you have made it no secret that you don't want to come. IF, by contrast, this were a case of somebody's random fiance and lover of 7 years getting together with an old high school friend of (their preferred) sex... the partner being "invited" or not is incredibly important to the equation. So you should spell-out for the crowd here whether you are/have-been (or have an open invitation to) invited to these meetings. (have you ever experimented to know with certainty that you just couldn't live with yourself if nude in the presence of others?) If this is his thing... then shouldn't you at least be to a point where you attempted it, once... and only then are more sure it just wasn't for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author scubagirl72 Posted October 20, 2020 Author Share Posted October 20, 2020 Unfortunately, I am a very modest person. Even walking on a beach I'll usually put a cover-up over my swim suit. Don't know how I'd ever be able to just disrobe in front of people. I have, when on vacation with him, found nude beaches for him to enjoy and I would go with him but stay a little away from the other nudists so that it didn't look like I was a gawker. I am very much a live and let live kind of person, just don't do anything that will hurt anyone, emotionally or physically. I don't have a problem with other people wanting to be nude, I just feel that, for me, it is something to only be shared with someone you love and are intimate with. There is a certain etiquette to being a naturist/nudist that I've learnt. And everyone being completely naked is part of that etiquette. When he went on the vacation to the resort with the married couple I looked into the resort and it turned out that there were a few areas that it was ok to be clothed. And I said that I'd like to go with him and that I would just stay in the clothed area. I was told that that wasn't really acceptable and wouldn't work socially with his friends. They participated in nude bowling, dance parties, dinners, etc. As far as he's made me understand, if I would share in the nudity I could be a part of it. We don't live together, so when he does get together with his naturist friends it is when I'm not available, with the vacation being the exception. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 Why should she have to try running around naked to know she won't like running around naked? Most adults kind of know this already. I know I do. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scubagirl72 Posted October 20, 2020 Author Share Posted October 20, 2020 And again, I'm not keen on the fact that he hangs out naked with his friends. But I like to drink wine with my girlfriends and he doesn't drink. So I accept that there are things that we will do separately. Don't love the naturism, but have managed to deal with it. The picture and video have put me in sort of a tailspin because I don't get it. The photo is maybe ok, but the video seems beyond normal naturist behaviour. Would he make it for his own enjoyment? Or was it made to share. Hate to say this, but it looked more like something seen on gay porn sites... and to clarify, I have no problem with people that enjoy porn, just doesn't do it for me! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 (edited) I know that what I'm about to say isn't what you asked, but it sends up a red flag for me, so I will mention it anyway. He just took a two week vacation doing something which he knows you can't join in with. I don't know how much annual leave time you have where you are, but I'm of the school of thought that I like to spend my vacation time with my partner doing nice things together. Sure, he might go skiing with his mates for a couple of days or have a weekend away....but two weeks doing stuff without you is a very long time when we only have so much leave. How do you feel about this? Edited October 20, 2020 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 He wants to be a nudist. Ok. How do you stop him? You can't. The only thing you can control is to answer the question: Can he be a nudist with me as his SO? That is what you have wrestle with. I also strongly recommend that he not take pictures and send them over the internet. He is just asking for some future mishap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 ⬆️⬆️ good point about the interweb. He may not care if something goes out, but YOU (or his boss, conceivably, or others) might. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 1 hour ago, schlumpy said: I also strongly recommend that he not take pictures and send them over the internet. He is just asking for some future mishap. Exactly. Nothing is ever gone on the internet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JSpicoli Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 I'm a nudist and would never hang out with a couple by myself if I was in a relationship. Sounds odd. It can be difficult when dating someone who's not into it, but women I've been with have been willing to give it a try, and most feel comfortable after 30 minutes or so as long as there's gender balance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 Unfortunately, it sounds like his lifestyle kind of turns you off, true? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 This isn't about naturism anymore, OP. It's about crossing boundaries and disrespecting the relationship - sending a video of himself naked and washing a motorcycle to another woman was entirely unnecessary and inappropriate. He knows it. You know it. I have nothing against folks who enjoy the naturist lifestyle but that's not what he's doing with these videos. Sorry OP, but this is a serious red flag. So is going away on holidays and excluding you, when there are in fact clothing-optional areas you could enjoy. He's keeping you out of this for a reason, and it's not good. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 On 10/20/2020 at 10:53 AM, smackie9 said: 4 years ago I would have told him to hit the road. This is a lifestyle, and since you don't feel comfortable with it and don't partake in it, then why are you with him? This is incompatibility. This is a deal breaker. My friend's mom and her BF were nudists, and it's about being free. That video and photo does have sexual undertones....it's not in the true spirit of nudism. I echo Smackie's response. Oh boy! Well, 4 years into the marriage he decides to play with other naky peeps. I think the majority of women would not like this. He's committed marriage fraud. You might have to put your foot down on this one - naughty colony or me - what's it gonna be pal?! 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 12 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said: 4 years into the marriage he decides to play with other naky peeps. He's committed marriage fraud. When did they get married? 🤔 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: When did they get married? 🤔 My mistake - they are engaged. It's only a technicality, however - married, engaged, going steady, the message is the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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