scubagirl72 Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 My 16 year old son has decided that he wants to be circumcised. His reason is because people make fun of and make jokes about non circumcised people. Says he won't be involved with a girl until it's done. (Maybe not a bad thing?) I'm afraid that he may be choosing to do this for the wrong reasons and he may regret it later. There are a lot of hormones raging through a 16 year old and I know my views and opinions changed throughout my teenage years... Should I let him do this now or tell him that he should wait until he's older? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 I was circumcised at one day old, so I have no idea what it is like to ever have a foreskin. The few times it has come up in conversation with women, they've told me they prefer circumcised guys. I've also heard its easier to keep oneself clean minus the foreskin. He is 16, if it is really that important to him, I'd vote "yes" let him have the procedure (I'm assuming this would be out-patient). I would weigh the current pandemic situation in your area as to whether elective surgery is such a good idea at this particular time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 10 minutes ago, scubagirl72 said: people make fun of and make jokes about non circumcised people In the UK it would be the opposite, if at all. @Happy Lemmingre sex it makes zero difference to a woman, in my experiences ☺️ I'm anti- genital mutilation so I would explain to my son my thoughts on it, and ask him to think about it. But if he's adamant it's his body and he's getting to the age he can make his own mind up. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 I was circumcised as an infant, too, so I have no idea how much pain he's in for, but I have to imagine it'll hurt like a red-hot son of a gun, and will for at least some time. Is he ready for that? Have you all talked to a doctor to see what he may be in for? If you haven't, there's a fair chance that conversation may put this whole thing to bed for a while. I might even urge the doctor to be unneccessarily graphic ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 16 minutes ago, scubagirl72 said: My 16 year old son has decided that he wants to be circumcised. Should I let him do this now or tell him that he should wait until he's older? Take him to a his pediatrician. or male urologist. Where's his father? Can his father help him and sign the consent? Let him discuss it privately and confidentially with a doctor. Talking to mom about his penis is awkward. Do the right thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scubagirl72 Posted October 20, 2020 Author Share Posted October 20, 2020 His father hasn't been actively involved in his life since he was seven. I know it's awkward so he must feel very strongly to have been able to bring it up with me. I've taken him for a consultation at a clinic that specializes in circumcision but it seemed a little on the low end side and were pushing to sign the papers immediately to have it done. Suggested that we go to one more, just to get a second opinion. Just don't want him to regret it and come back and blame me later saying why did you let me get it done! You know, it's always mom's fault, lol! It is his body and his right to do what he choses with it. Just want to make sure its for the right reasons and not just peer pressure. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 My son was circumcised at birth, but if I were in your shoes, I would let him do it. My son was pretty mature at 16 (he is now 18) and I would have considered him very capable about making decisions about his own body that wouldn't be hurting anyone else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 4 minutes ago, scubagirl72 said: peer pressure. It's amazing to me, but that's what's important at 16. Why are they even discussing each other's genitalia at school etc? But that's teenagers... Good idea not to go to a place you don't trust the look of, it could wreck his adult life. That would make me very uncomfortable, and probably make me say no- do it at 18 when it's your own responsibility. Here's some 'perspective' info http://www.circumcisiondebate.org/past-and-present you don't have to discuss it in a personal way, just to make sure he knows. The US is the only country routinely does circumcision for non-religious reasons, in the UK where I'm from people would think it strange and a lot of doctors would refuse to do it unless there was a medical reason. It becomes a fallacious argument for it though when lots of people already did it, even where they had no choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scubagirl72 Posted October 20, 2020 Author Share Posted October 20, 2020 Ellener, Thank you so much for the link! Will have him take a look to make sure he's making an informed decision. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 I think at 16, he's old enough to make that decision for himself. He's gone through puberty and is ready to start having sex. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrPlop Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 If he wants to so be it, key being "HE" wants so, seems like peer pressure though. The question you should be asking if he thinks the decision would had made sense 10 years from now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 I'm honestly unsure of the difference between a circumcised penis and an uncircumcised one. I've only ever seen one in person. I'm assuming that my husband is circumcised since I've kinda compared things to pictures on the net. Still don't understand quite what gets cut off and how. But it sounds painful and unnecessary! As a mother, I'm against cutting things down there. Doctors make mistakes, and that's definitely not an area where you can afford to have a mishap. I would let your son know that there's a risk of things not turning out right. My two boys are not circumcised, and to my knowledge none of my husband's other sons are either. I would ask these questions: 1. Who's telling him he's not fine as he is? 2. Why does he believe that girls prefer one over another? 3. Has a girl ever seen it, and if so, what was the reaction? If not, was being uncircumcised an issue? 3. Does he know how much it will HURT? (I remember a passage from the Old Testament that described a village that got massacred because the men had all been circumcised and were in too much pain to fight in battle). 4. If you are part of a faith/religion, what do you and your son and your religious community believe about the issue? Not sure if it is a good idea for this issue to be a mother/son conversation or not. I guess it is good that he is comfortable talking to you about it, although I suppose there isn't really much choice since you're his only parent. If there's an older man in his life that you both trust (uncle, brother, cousin, religious leader, counselor) I'd encourage him to get a man's perspective on it if possible. You're his mom, and you really can't relate to the issue for obvious reasons. But I'd be looking for somebody your son can talk to before you and he make any lasting decisions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 5 hours ago, Ellener said: Why are they even discussing each other's genitalia at school etc? But that's teenagers... You answered your own question 😉 Teenagers always discuss that sort of stuff - especially guys who are always trying to compare to one another. I don't think I've ever come across a girl who cares one way or the other about circumcision (I'm not, by the way). A lot of guys are circumcised so I don't believe it would be detrimental to him over the long run from a health perspective, but I suppose I'm more worried about to what extent his self-esteem is dependent on how it looks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 It's fine. His desire is fine and reasonable. One of my exes called me frantically a few years back when her son was entering college. The son had decided he wanted to be circumcised. She was worried that he would be emotionally damaging himself and all of that. No. He doesn't like the way he looks. Circumcision carries some benefits ... the thinking is it lowers the rate of std's ... Researchers on HIV estimate that circumcision lowers the risk like 2 to 8 times ... which is huge! ... over non-circumcised penis. Circumcision lowers the rate of penile cancer ... makes it easier be hygienic ... and yes lots of women prefer it ... and lots of guys will make fun of people who are not circumcised. I was circumcised as a kid ... went through a period in my 20s where I was convinced circumcision was some horrible and brutal and unnecessary practice, an act of violence against males. I don't think that anymore. It's fine. There's nothing wrong with a non-circumcised penis, but you probably do want to listen to him. Teenagers, especially boys, always UNDERSTATE their pain, understate how much they have been teased and taunted about something because they feel embarrassed about the whole thing. So if he's telling you kids are razzing him, he's not making it up ... and most likely no one had talked to him such that he could verbally defend "himself." If you've tried to tell him he's fine as is ... and he's insistent ... then I'd be open to his idea. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scubagirl72 Posted October 21, 2020 Author Share Posted October 21, 2020 Love hearing all of the opinions from everyone. And all so respectful and no judging. As a single mom, sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing... have no partner to discuss these things with. He is 16, I know how insecure and uncertain of things I was at that age as a young woman. I'll make sure he is educated about what he is choosing to do and is aware of the risks, benefits, etc. In the end it is his choice and I want to be supportive. Thanks again everyone! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 10 hours ago, scubagirl72 said: His reason is because people make fun of and make jokes about non circumcised people. That's not a valid reason in my opinion........there are always people who don't like you and will say negative things in life (although kids can be particularly mean). If not about this, it will be something else. Changing to suit societal norms is not good, in my opinion. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 Just wanted to point out that OP did not say that her son has said that his in-real-life peers are making fun of him, like they've seen his penis and made fun of it. Go back and read the original post....it doesn't seem like that, in case anyone has gotten that impression (I originally did, for some reason). Not sure if that will affect anyone's answer, but just wanted to point that out :). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, scubagirl72 said: I'll make sure he is educated about what he is choosing to do and is aware of the risks, benefits, etc. Let a physician do that. You are too subjective and obviously against it. Why humiliate him even more than he feels already by making him talk to his mother about his penis? There are no adult male role models in his life whatsoever? You may not want to hear this and yes he's a kid/minor but he's 16 hormonal and probably watching porn and masturbating regularly. Edited October 21, 2020 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scubagirl72 Posted October 21, 2020 Author Share Posted October 21, 2020 Wiseman2, you jump to conclusions... He chose to speak with me, I'm not going to introduce more people into an already delicate subject besides the person performing the procedure. Imagine the humiliation if he knew that I had gone to other people he knows and ask them to discuss this with him. Sharing a couple of links on the subject for him to read is probably a much better way to go. When did I say I was against it? Just want to make sure he won't regret it... I regret decisions I made when I was a teenager and I'm sure most of us have, even in adult life. And I'm fully aware of what a 16 year old boy is up to... I certainly know what I was up to at 16. Don't mind hearing it at all, it's natural and normal to have sexual feelings at that age. Have to be honest, I don't find your comments very constructive and they are somewhat aggressive and accusatory. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Atwood Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 In the UK it's very different so bear in mind my opinion will be biased, but I would let it be his choice whilst at the same time ensuring he has access to all of the information. I am personally against circumcision and I will not allow my children to have the procedure until they are old enough to decide for themselves. I have seen examples of circumcision ruining sexual pleasure/numbing sexual pleasure because the head is exposed and becomes desensitised. I have also seen examples of circumcision not being performed properly. Additionally, I have had sexual experience with both and I much prefer foreskin on a partner precisely because they evidently receive more pleasure more easily. Hygiene is a non-issue if you're cleaning yourself properly. Concerns with aesthetics is a driving factor, but again, I really wouldn't be interested in dating someone who prefers that their partner had bits removed first. Foreskin is natural and pretty enough for me, which is a sentence I didn't think I'd be typing today. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
B100 Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 I would let him do it, he’s 16 and probably it’s becoming a self confidence issue. I remember back in high school some of the uncircumcised boys were tormented daily during showers after gym class. He’s going to be in some pain when the procedure is done but pain is temporary and it will give him the self confidence he needs At his young age. All the best 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 I don't have anything to add to everything everyone has said @scubagirl72 except to say at age 16 if it weren't this it would be something else...it was @ the age my son got 'restless' about life and things he'd known and accepted happily for years! We had a challenging few years, not so much our relationship ( though it was tested at times! on both sides ) but we are still close 8 years on and it was all worth it 👨👦 You seem like a great thoughtful mum! 😃 2 Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 Please be aware that if/when asking a physician, the answers and opinions you get will vary. Some physicians are for circumcision, others are against, depending on their interpretation of the data. A physician's job should be to provide objective information about risks and benefits. The choice is still his, and yours. In your son's case, circumcision is going to be a cosmetic procedure. It may or may not have health benefits, but his reasons for desiring it are cosmetic. If you had a daughter instead of a son, would you consider permitting her to have breast augmentation or reduction for similar reasons at age 16? Or perhaps adjusting the shape/size of her labia? Or would you perhaps ask a daughter to wait or seek further advice on a decision like that? Sometimes, it helps to examine the issue from a slightly different point of view. For my and my family, I believe that circumcision, breast augmentation, labiaplasty, etc... have risks that outweigh the benefits. Examine the issue in light of risks, benefits, and your family values. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SuperHeroMan Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 On 10/20/2020 at 11:45 AM, Ellener said: In the UK it would be the opposite, if at all. @Happy Lemmingre sex it makes zero difference to a woman, in my experiences ☺️ I'm anti- genital mutilation so I would explain to my son my thoughts on it, and ask him to think about it. But if he's adamant it's his body and he's getting to the age he can make his own mind up. That's good that you're against circumcision. I'm against circumcision too. So you didn't have your son circumcised? Link to post Share on other sites
SuperHeroMan Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 According to many men got circumcised as adults, sex felt worse afterwards. Here's what this man who got circumcised as an adult said: Link to post Share on other sites
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