Monkeypooh Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 Where to begin? I guess I will start with how I got myself into this. A few month's back, I checked in with just an old friend on facebook. Someone I knew from High school. He had been on my friends list forever and I realized I never really reached out to him to hear all about where life had taken him. We got to talking and he was as kind as he was years ago. I soon realized we were on the same page literally on almost every topic. The messaging became daily... moved to text then we started talking on the phone. He and I literally know what the other is thinking we are "Simpatico " it's crazy. On top of that, the physical chemistry is there. Now for the complicated and sticky part. He is 3000 miles away yet it feels like he is right next to me. Now for the next part which I would like to stress has been total honesty and complete disclosure between us. He is married with no kids and has not been happy for many years. Has considered leaving as not in love with his spouse and has more of a roommate then any kind of Marriage. He say's he has always had a problem standing up to her. As for me, I have been unhappy for the past 5-7 years husband fully aware. Have been in therapy doing my end of it husband will not confront his stuff. I am bright enough to know that I can't change someone else. So my husband and I came to an agreement that in the next short 2 years divorce was probably the best as future plans past raising the kid's would not really work. I know what you will all say next! How terrible you are in an affair. Yes.. this is true and no it's not right however, at this point I do not care. I love Z and he loves me. What we are both trying to figure out is how to make this work? He will do his part on his end with ending his marriage. Our time lines match. Trying to arrange a spring in person. Please... I need advice. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 9 minutes ago, Monkeypooh said: He is 3000 miles He is married I have been unhappy for the past 5-7 years. Sorry to hear this, one or both of you will get hurt at the end of all this. Not to mention it could impact and harm 4 lives, not just you two. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monkeypooh Posted October 21, 2020 Author Share Posted October 21, 2020 (edited) If we are both are cool about a divorce then how so? I would not be with him or he with me until we are both legally divorced? Edited October 21, 2020 by Monkeypooh Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted October 30, 2020 Share Posted October 30, 2020 On 10/21/2020 at 5:15 PM, Monkeypooh said: If we are both are cool about a divorce then how so? I would not be with him or he with me until we are both legally divorced? Read the Other Man/Other Woman forum. Often the women follow through on the divorce while the men do not according to posts there. Make sure to monitor his progress on divorce by checking court filings, etc. before you jump into this with two feet. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 30, 2020 Share Posted October 30, 2020 On 10/21/2020 at 5:15 PM, Monkeypooh said: If we are both are cool about a divorce then how so? I would not be with him or he with me until we are both legally divorced? Are you both ready to wait years and spend thousands until you can get together? Have either of you even told your spouses you want a divorce or have either of you even consulted an attorney? This sounds like you just want affairs with the usual excitement and pipedream talk about leaving spouses. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 30, 2020 Share Posted October 30, 2020 On 10/21/2020 at 10:54 PM, Monkeypooh said: I know what you will all say next! How terrible you are in an affair. Yes.. this is true and no it's not right however, at this point I do not care. I love Z and he loves me. What we are both trying to figure out is how to make this work? He will do his part on his end with ending his marriage. Our time lines match. Trying to arrange a spring in person. Please... I need advice. Thank you. Oh boy. You are in deep here, OP. Why did you decide to randomly reach out to this specific man after all these years? Had you had a crush on him back then? You have spent no time together in person in ages, and thus have no clue how compatible you would actually be as a couple offline. In the real world, with day-to-day ups and downs. Digital communications aren't sufficient to determine this. Thus, it's pretty premature to declare love. You are in lust, no doubt, and maybe have some things in common but enough to decide you love each other? You're getting carried away. Add to that the fact that you are both married. You can't make work until you are both single. The affair might continue but it will never become the relationship you dream of until you both leave your spouses. If he admits he has problems standing up to his wife, you might be waiting a very long time. Have a look on the The Other Man/Woman forum to see how that often pans out. It generally involves a lot of back-and-forth, little consistency, exposure of the affair, push-pull, future plans suddenly canceled, sudden ghosting...and an awful lot of heartache along the way. You're going to do what you want, I get that. But understand what you're signing up for. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts