softball88 Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 He asked me the other night if I wanted to snuggle. I said "Sure, I guess". He said if I don't want to, thats ok.. I said " I really don't care either way". And no reply. I asked him if he still wanted to snuggle and if he was still coming out tonight. He goes "If you want. I really don't care either way". I asked him why he was being sarcastic saying the same thing I said. And he said " It didn't feel too great on my end"(referring to me saying I really don't care either way). Question is, why would he do that? He couldn't just let it go? Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 (edited) I'm not sure which is worse, your total lack of enthusiasm or his passive-aggressive way of dealing with it. Are you sure you two are a match? Edited October 22, 2020 by GorillaTheater 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 what prevented you from turning down his request in a nicer way? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 45 minutes ago, softball88 said: He asked me the other night if I wanted to snuggle. I said "Sure, I guess". I asked him if he still wanted to snuggle and if he was still coming out tonight. All depends on context. Is this your BF? Is 'snuggle' code for sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author softball88 Posted October 22, 2020 Author Share Posted October 22, 2020 (edited) ,We're not together so I'm not worried that we're a "match". I didn't really turn down his request. Just told him I didn't care. And apparently that had some sort of effect. Lastly, snuggle isn't " Code" for sex. It's just snuggle. Yeah, we've had sex a few times but we mostly just snuggle. Edited October 22, 2020 by softball88 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 (edited) You ask why. I suspect the reason is that he wants you to want his snuggle, and when you respond with relative indifference he feels slightly hurt/"invalidated". So he is responding in kind to "let you know how it feels". He didn't let it go because he felt (a little) hurt emotionally and presumably believes that hurting you back (a little) will help you understand that. Possibly this is some sort of gambit for deepening whatever it is between the two of you. Possibly he's just being slightly immature. Edited October 22, 2020 by mark clemson 6 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 Erm... you did sound unenthusiastic to him ("sure, I guess" is definitely not enthusiastic), and then you seemingly changed your mind when you asked him if he really was coming over. Of course he's going to be frustrated, and that's why he was sarcastic back at you. Do you want him there or not? If you're indifferent then it's a no, don't mess around with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 3 hours ago, softball88 said: He asked me the other night if I wanted to snuggle. I said "Sure, I guess". He said if I don't want to, thats ok.. I said " I really don't care either way". And no reply. I asked him if he still wanted to snuggle and if he was still coming out tonight. He goes "If you want. I really don't care either way". I asked him why he was being sarcastic saying the same thing I said. And he said " It didn't feel too great on my end"(referring to me saying I really don't care either way). Question is, why would he do that? He couldn't just let it go? I read that he feels more for you then do for him. The obvious indifference hurt. Next time tell him to hug you or sleep on the couch. Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 1 hour ago, softball88 said: ,We're not together so I'm not worried that we're a "match". I didn't really turn down his request. Just told him I didn't care. And apparently that had some sort of effect. Lastly, snuggle isn't " Code" for sex. It's just snuggle. Yeah, we've had sex a few times but we mostly just snuggle. To me that sort of response would be considered a "No", and not a kind "No". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 4 hours ago, softball88 said: Question is, why would he do that? He couldn't just let it go? His feelings were hurt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 4 hours ago, softball88 said: Question is, why would he do that? He couldn't just let it go? For the same reason you're writing here and didn't let it go: Because it was rude and hurtful. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 "I really don't care either way" is a very negative way to answer an offer of anything. I'd take it as a 'no', and I wouldn't offer it again. With his response to your question all he did was return your own rudeness. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 I'm not sure all folks actually process it as rude. It feels rude to the more interested person - a snub essentially. It may or may not actually be intended that way. Sometimes it's hard to put oneself in the other person's shoes, so might be more "oblivious". OP, hopefully the many posts above have clarified things for you. If you really don't care or have zero interest in an emotional connection here, maybe end the "snuggle relationship" since apparently the guy is catching feelings to a certain extent and hopes to see that reciprocated? Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 9 hours ago, softball88 said: He asked me the other night if I wanted to snuggle. I said "Sure, I guess". He said if I don't want to, thats ok.. I said " I really don't care either way". And no reply. I asked him if he still wanted to snuggle and if he was still coming out tonight. He goes "If you want. I really don't care either way". I asked him why he was being sarcastic saying the same thing I said. And he said " It didn't feel too great on my end"(referring to me saying I really don't care either way). Question is, why would he do that? He couldn't just let it go? Why couldn't he just let it go? Because he felt rejected, that's why! Why would you expect someone to let something go if they felt hurt by the comments? I'm sure you wouldn't if the shoe was on the other foot! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 11 hours ago, softball88 said: ,We're not together so I'm not worried that we're a "match". I didn't really turn down his request. Just told him I didn't care. And apparently that had some sort of effect. Lastly, snuggle isn't " Code" for sex. It's just snuggle. Yeah, we've had sex a few times but we mostly just snuggle. Ok, so this is an on/off FWB?. Why don't you just skip the "snuggling" and nebulous communication. Link to post Share on other sites
boymommy Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 He was hurt by your comment. It seemed to come off as detached/cold like you werent really into it and had no interest. Is that the case or are you afraid of appearing too clingy/needy? Your boyfriend sounds insecure so I wouldnt play on those insecurities unless you really just arent into cuddling and really dont have a care either way. Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 You were very rude, what did you expect? Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted October 24, 2020 Share Posted October 24, 2020 He is not the one with the problem. You were cold, detached and kind of rude to him. He felt hurt by that and he reacted with a bit of sarcasm. His reaction was perfectly reasonable given the situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted October 24, 2020 Share Posted October 24, 2020 Well if you are not together, why do you care? Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted October 24, 2020 Share Posted October 24, 2020 On 10/23/2020 at 6:45 AM, eleanorrigby said: what prevented you from turning down his request in a nicer way? Exactly . it wasn't exactly flattering. Link to post Share on other sites
Author softball88 Posted November 1, 2020 Author Share Posted November 1, 2020 I caught feelings for this guy and told him I don't want to do the snuggle stuff anymore. He asked me why I don't want to snuggle. I just said "I don't know" His response was "cool" . I know it sounds stupid but what does he mean by cool? How is that cool? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 1, 2020 Share Posted November 1, 2020 3 hours ago, softball88 said: I caught feelings for this guy and told him I don't want to do the snuggle stuff anymore. He asked me why I don't want to snuggle. I just said "I don't know" His response was "cool" . I know it sounds stupid but what does he mean by cool? How is that cool? He agrees the snuggling is nonsense. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 1, 2020 Share Posted November 1, 2020 3 hours ago, softball88 said: know it sounds stupid but what does he mean by cool? How is that cool? He means that he's not going to argue against your decision or pressure you to do something you don't want to do. Respecting your boundaries is very cool. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted November 1, 2020 Share Posted November 1, 2020 On 10/22/2020 at 4:39 PM, mark clemson said: You ask why. I suspect the reason is that he wants you to want his snuggle, and when you respond with relative indifference he feels slightly hurt/"invalidated". So he is responding in kind to "let you know how it feels". He didn't let it go because he felt (a little) hurt emotionally and presumably believes that hurting you back (a little) will help you understand that. Possibly this is some sort of gambit for deepening whatever it is between the two of you. Possibly he's just being slightly immature. Yes this I agree 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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