StreetGlideHD Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 After the death of a parent, I recently moved to a new state not knowing anyone. I am an extrovert, I love talking to people. Approximately two weeks ago I struck up a conversation at a bar/restaurant with a woman my age. There was instant chemistry on both ends. To start out, I am not looking for anything serious, I am not in the right head space as I am still grieving & just moved and am getting settled. I found the courage to ask for her number, and she gave it to me. We had a lot in common, she even lived across the street from me. We never ever spoke on the phone. It was purely texting and long voice notes you can do on I-Phones. I believe I was immediately friend-zoned when she started telling me about the mistakes she was making by having casual sex on first dates. So I am thinking to myself ok, you're friend zoned. Stupidly, when I got here I was on some dating apps and did the same so I started talking about my experiences. Over the course of a week she would give me mixed signals, complimenting me, my looks, my intelligence, etc. She even made a comment that I friend-zoned her. To make things even weirder, she would send me videos of her self modeling clothes, nothing sexual but very suggestive. She was very good looking and had a great body and I told her that. We did have some sexual discussion (in context) not to each other. She would continue to ask me about my dates, experiences and even asked for pics of the women. So, I sent them to her. We still voice noted back and forth and one Saturday out of the blue, she asked what I was doing, I told her I was running errands and asked if she wanted to go out to watch the game the next day, she said yes. Later in the evening she sent a voice note saying she was doing something and I replied, no problem, I won't disturb you. I haven't heard from her since. The weird thing is she continued to like and comment on my Facebook posts after two weeks of no contact. I removed her from social media not too long ago. Thoughts as to why the communication suddenly stopped? Link to post Share on other sites
Be Cool Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, StreetGlideHD said: After the death of a parent, I recently moved to a new state not knowing anyone. I am an extrovert, I love talking to people. Approximately two weeks ago I struck up a conversation at a bar/restaurant with a woman my age. There was instant chemistry on both ends. To start out, I am not looking for anything serious, I am not in the right head space as I am still grieving & just moved and am getting settled. I found the courage to ask for her number, and she gave it to me. We had a lot in common, she even lived across the street from me. We never ever spoke on the phone. It was purely texting and long voice notes you can do on I-Phones. I believe I was immediately friend-zoned when she started telling me about the mistakes she was making by having casual sex on first dates. So I am thinking to myself ok, you're friend zoned. Stupidly, when I got here I was on some dating apps and did the same so I started talking about my experiences. Over the course of a week she would give me mixed signals, complimenting me, my looks, my intelligence, etc. She even made a comment that I friend-zoned her. To make things even weirder, she would send me videos of her self modeling clothes, nothing sexual but very suggestive. She was very good looking and had a great body and I told her that. We did have some sexual discussion (in context) not to each other. She would continue to ask me about my dates, experiences and even asked for pics of the women. So, I sent them to her. We still voice noted back and forth and one Saturday out of the blue, she asked what I was doing, I told her I was running errands and asked if she wanted to go out to watch the game the next day, she said yes. Later in the evening she sent a voice note saying she was doing something and I replied, no problem, I won't disturb you. I haven't heard from her since. The weird thing is she continued to like and comment on my Facebook posts after two weeks of no contact. I removed her from social media not too long ago. Thoughts as to why the communication suddenly stopped? It seems you spent too much time chatting back and forth with this woman? No matter if it's in written or verbal format, the phone is to set up a real date, not for chatting back and forth. If you liked her, why didn't you ask her out? Why the communication between the two of you stopped? Because you never made any real moves. Next time, ask her out. My personal formula is always two-to-three, which means: You ask a woman out for a maximum of two times. If she, for whatever reasons, declines your invitation for the second time, you STOP contacting her. If she agrees to go out with you, but you fail to have sex with her at the maximum of the 3rd date, you STOP contacting her. Want me to elaborate? Ask me. Edited October 22, 2020 by Be Cool 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StreetGlideHD Posted October 22, 2020 Author Share Posted October 22, 2020 (edited) I did ask her out. I asked her to watch a football game with me and said yes. Edited October 22, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote Link to post Share on other sites
Be Cool Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 20 minutes ago, StreetGlideHD said: I did ask her out. I asked her to watch a football game with me and said yes. And??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author StreetGlideHD Posted October 22, 2020 Author Share Posted October 22, 2020 We were supposed to go watch the game on Sunday, she never replied to text Saturday night, she left me on read. With that being said, I don't chase people. Either you want to be in my life or you don't. And she knew this because it came up in conversation about ghosting people and passive aggressiveness but here I am ghosted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StreetGlideHD Posted October 22, 2020 Author Share Posted October 22, 2020 Just now, AlyssaJohnston20 said: Hi StreetGlideHD! At first, I am really sorry about your parents. It must be really hard time for you. About your situation: as a woman, I can say that she probably doesn't understand your intentions clearly and can think that it is she who is friendzoned. I think she can be waiting for the real actions, and you should try to ask her out again. The offline communication will clear everything out, as you see her reactions, verbal and unverbal signs. If she continue like you on Facebook, she probably wants to pay your attention. Sometimes women can't do first steps and wait for men to do them. I very much appreciate your insight. Unfortunately there is no more communication. I deleted her number, removed her from Facebook. I just wanted an answer or some insight as to why someone just stops talking. She was mostly the initiator. Our conversations were deep. I have my own theory but I don't want to sound arrogant or big headed. Link to post Share on other sites
Be Cool Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 13 minutes ago, StreetGlideHD said: We were supposed to go watch the game on Sunday, she never replied to text Saturday night, she left me on read. With that being said, I don't chase people. Either you want to be in my life or you don't. And she knew this because it came up in conversation about ghosting people and passive aggressiveness but here I am ghosted. Very well said. I totally 100% agree with it. Then why bother about a closure anymore? When a person, for whatever reasons, indicates via their actions that they don't want to have anything to do with you anymore, that right now you hold absolutely no meaning and add no values to their life, all you can do (and must do) is to stop contacting them, and move on. The reason is not important because there's always only ONE mother of reasons beind a person who ghosted you: They don't like you. At least not enough. It's simple as that, my brother. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StreetGlideHD Posted October 22, 2020 Author Share Posted October 22, 2020 Just now, Be Cool said: Very well said. I totally 100% agree with it. Then why bother about a closure anymore? When a person, for whatever reasons, indicates via their actions that they don't want to have anything to do with you anymore, that right now you hold absolutely no meaning and add no values to their life, all you can do (and must do) is to stop contacting them, and move on. The reason is not important because there's always only ONE mother of reasons beind a person who ghosted you: They don't like you. At least not enough. It's simple as that, my brother. I get that, I totally do. But the liking and commenting on social media posts are indicative of something I cannot wrap my head around. Like, if you don't want anything to do with me, why are you doing that? See where I am going with this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author StreetGlideHD Posted October 22, 2020 Author Share Posted October 22, 2020 Just now, AlyssaJohnston20 said: Anyway, I think we will not figure out why she acted like this as we can't get inside her head. But for the future datingd: I suppose it will be better not to wait to long to meet personally. I met her in person. Not online. We met at a bar, I was eating Taco's. There was amazing chemistry and conversation over the course of two hours. Link to post Share on other sites
Be Cool Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 2 minutes ago, StreetGlideHD said: I get that, I totally do. But the liking and commenting on social media posts are indicative of something I cannot wrap my head around. Like, if you don't want anything to do with me, why are you doing that? See where I am going with this? Nothing. They mean NOTHING. I believe people have a specific word for the phenomenon: "breadcrumbs". She knew you liked her, so now she's fooling around and messing around with your head, because why can't she? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StreetGlideHD Posted October 22, 2020 Author Share Posted October 22, 2020 Just now, Be Cool said: Nothing. They mean NOTHING. I believe people have a specific word for the phenomenon: "breadcrumbs". She knew you liked her, so now she's fooling around and messing around with your head, because why can't she? She didn't strike me as the type, but I get the breadcrumbs. Good point. Why am I wrapped up? Because this was the first time in a long time that I had a connection with, physically, emotionally, etc. It was nothing surface level. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StreetGlideHD Posted October 22, 2020 Author Share Posted October 22, 2020 Just now, AlyssaJohnston20 said: There are two variants. The first one is she doesn't care too much about social networks and these likes don't mean anything. The second variant can be that she wants your attention and shows these little signs to you. If she wanted my attention she would replied to my text and we would of went to watch a football game. Not play games. Link to post Share on other sites
Be Cool Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 Just now, StreetGlideHD said: She didn't strike me as the type, but I get the breadcrumbs. Good point. Why am I wrapped up? Because this was the first time in a long time that I had a connection with, physically, emotionally, etc. It was nothing surface level. Do you mind if I give you one personal advice, bro to bro, now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author StreetGlideHD Posted October 22, 2020 Author Share Posted October 22, 2020 Just now, Be Cool said: Do you mind if I give you one personal advice, bro to bro, now? Absolutely, that's why I am on here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StreetGlideHD Posted October 22, 2020 Author Share Posted October 22, 2020 Just now, AlyssaJohnston20 said: You can give her another chance and ask her out one more time. What do you lose? I don't even have her # anymore. That ship has sailed. Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 1 hour ago, StreetGlideHD said: I did ask her out. I asked her to watch a football game with me and said yes. That's something you ask your buddies to do, not a woman you want to get romantic with, how unromantic is that? Most probably she got a better offer to go on an actual date with a man who puts in a bit more effort to make a good impression. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StreetGlideHD Posted October 22, 2020 Author Share Posted October 22, 2020 Just now, Mystery4u said: That's something you ask your buddies to do, not a woman you want to get romantic with, how unromantic is that? Most probably she got a better offer to go on an actual date with a man who puts in a bit more effort to make a good impression. Considering she is a die hard NFL fan, I felt it was the right thing to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 If you told her that you are not ready to date she may have decided to stop wasting her time? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StreetGlideHD Posted October 22, 2020 Author Share Posted October 22, 2020 Just now, Eternal Sunshine said: If you told her that you are not ready to date she may have decided to stop wasting her time? She knew that from the minute we met in person, she made the conscious decision to communicate with me for two weeks. Just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 3 minutes ago, StreetGlideHD said: She knew that from the minute we met in person, she made the conscious decision to communicate with me for two weeks. Just saying. She might have wondered if you really meant it, talked a bit to you, you didn't really make romantic overtures (I love football too but that ain't it), so she moved along. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StreetGlideHD Posted October 22, 2020 Author Share Posted October 22, 2020 Just now, CaliforniaGirl said: She might have wondered if you really meant it, talked a bit to you, you didn't really make romantic overtures (I love football too but that ain't it), so she moved along. That could be. I will never know. Which is driving me crazy. Part of me thinks that she was intimidated by the pictures she asked for of the women from online dating apps I went on dates with . Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 Also, closure comes from your side. When you realize you're all done, that's your closure. You'll never really "know." Even if you were to ask her you might still wonder if her answer was 100% truthful/accurate. When you're ready to let go...that's closure. Next time, make a move, a romantic one. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 Just now, StreetGlideHD said: That could be. I will never know. Which is driving me crazy. Part of me thinks that she was intimidated by the pictures she asked for of the women from online dating apps I went on dates with . I don't know. It's odd to ask at all...but nah. I'm going to be outright honest here. If she's the one who moved on, and you're the one who can't let go of the whys and the feeling of having missed out, then she's probably not the one feeling she didn't do enough or didn't do the right things. 🤷 It is odd that she asked for pics, it's odd that you agreed; it's odd that you seem to have wanted to not make her feel special by not wanting to take her on what would have felt like a date. Next time...do things without the taking her down a peg stuff. That stuff just doesn't work enough of the time...people miss out on the people they really want. They only "get" the train wrecks. The really insecure people. This silly stuff lost you the person you wanted. It's a lesson. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StreetGlideHD Posted October 22, 2020 Author Share Posted October 22, 2020 Just now, CaliforniaGirl said: I don't know. It's odd to ask at all...but nah. I'm going to be outright honest here. If she's the one who moved on, and you're the one who can't let go of the whys and the feeling of having missed out, then she's probably not the one feeling she didn't do enough or didn't do the right things. 🤷 It is odd that she asked for pics, it's odd that you agreed; it's odd that you seem to have wanted to not make her feel special by not wanting to take her on what would have felt like a date. Next time...do things without the taking her down a peg stuff. That stuff just doesn't work enough of the time...people miss out on the people they really want. They only "get" the train wrecks. The really insecure people. This silly stuff lost you the person you wanted. It's a lesson. Thank you . It was established that we were both not looking for something serious although she was on dating apps, I just went with the flow, I am transparent, she asked, so I showed her. I think me moving on has to do with my ego, it was bruised. I will get over it. Yes lesson learned. She wasn't really the "date" type. She was more of a sports bar kind of lets watch a football game kind of person for the record. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, StreetGlideHD said: I believe I was immediately friend-zoned when she started telling me about the mistakes she was making by having casual sex on first dates. So I am thinking to myself ok, you're friend zoned. Stupidly, when I got here I was on some dating apps and did the same so I started talking about my experiences. Over the course of a week she would give me mixed signals, complimenting me, my looks, my intelligence, etc. She even made a comment that I friend-zoned her. To make things even weirder, she would send me videos of her self modeling clothes, nothing sexual but very suggestive. She was very good looking and had a great body and I told her that. We did have some sexual discussion (in context) not to each other. She would continue to ask me about my dates, experiences and even asked for pics of the women. So, I sent them to her. We still voice noted back and forth and one Saturday out of the blue, she asked what I was doing, I told her I was running errands and asked if she wanted to go out to watch the game the next day, she said yes. Later in the evening she sent a voice note saying she was doing something and I replied, no problem, I won't disturb you. I haven't heard from her since. The weird thing is she continued to like and comment on my Facebook posts after two weeks of no contact. I'm sorry for your loss, StreetGlideHD. IMO, the minute she started telling you about having casual sex with other women, any illusion that you could have any kind of straightforward relationship (casual or otherwise) should have been laid to rest. I'm thinking she gets a kick out of creating (or being in) situations where sexual jealousy is the predominant dynamic. So maybe she told you about the other men so that you would feel jealous and her "value" would rise. You were supposed to start chasing her, but you didn't. So she got fed up. She then probably asked you for the other women's pictures so that she could see who her "competition" was. You complied (Why on earth would you do that? I'm pretty sure that when those women sent you those pictures or made them accessible to you, their intention wasn't for you to share them with some random woman). Now she has discarded you to make you feel worthless and enhance her "value." You're supposed to chase after her in this scenario. Then she can reject you. But you're not playing the game. Unfortunately (for her) the breadcrumbs didn't work the way they were supposed to. So I don't think she was ever interested in you. I don't think you could have changed the outcome (of eventually being discarded) by behaving differently. (Of course, I may be completely wrong.) Edited October 22, 2020 by Acacia98 Link to post Share on other sites
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