Ghosted, would like some closure.

[ExpatInItaly]

It's strange that she wanted photos of the other women you'd gone out with. I wouldn't have sent her anything, simply because it's weird and not her business...and disrespectful to the women themselves. (I'm a woman, by the way) She presents herself as insecure for wanting them, and for sending you somewhat suggestive videos in a clear attempt to fish for compliments. She likes attention, that's for sure. 

But honestly, it sounds like she's probably distracted by a couple men and decided to devote her attention elsewhere. This might not have been anything you did or didn't do, but a case of a woman with options who went another direction. 

Edited October 22, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[Versacehottie]

5 hours ago, StreetGlideHD said:

We were supposed to go watch the game on Sunday, she never replied to text Saturday night, she left me on read. With that being said, I don't chase people. Either you want to be in my life or you don't. And she knew this because it came up in conversation about ghosting people and passive aggressiveness but here I am ghosted. 

i have to be honest, your posts come off like you have a big chip on your shoulder & some of the thoughts are hypocritical (like you can do things that she can't do).  Maybe she felt like she was chasing YOU and just like you "doesn't chase people".  I can certainly see why she didn't see much of a point of continuing to invest in something that was going essentially nowhere. You said it yourself: you didn't want anything serious.  & there were some missteps if you wanted her to take you as a person seriously in the context of dating (in whichever way)--a risk you take when that's your stance.  I'd kinda of say you also friend zoned each other a bit by talking about your other current dating experiences--another risk you take by doing so.  People like the illusion that they are the only one and someone special--even if the truth is that there are other people in the picture in the early days.

Just like you said: either you want to be in my life or you don't.  I guess she doesn't.  

It hardly requires closure. It was two weeks; not even a real date and you don't want a relationship.  If you want learning from it, I would say don't do some of the things you did, learn how to open yourself up and know that if you only want casual these are some of the results--no big thing.  Truthfully, even if you want more serious, these can be the consequences. Sometimes things just don't align.

Sorry about your parent 💔

[Wiseman2]

Don't pick up women in bars. You don't need "closure", because it never even got off the ground.

Skip all the VMs, texting,etc. It's a waste of time.

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, Be Cool said:

 Most of the time, all I need is just a quickie so women in bars are good choices.

We're not talking about you.🙄

[manoowar]

 You didnt handle the situation well.

this was a minor rejection based on length of time you have known her. 

you should have done nothing. Remained in your own frame and went about your life. Instead like a little girl your feelings were hurt. This was probably a test to see your reaction and you failed.  Removing her from your social media was a mistake.  It shows her little rejection hurt you. The very fact that she's still interacting with you demonstrates some level interest but certainly  her interest has been lowered.

my advice. put her info back so she can get in touch with you. Under no circumstances do you initiate contact with her.  She may not reach out to you. I think that she will. When she does set up a date. Go out for drinks. Not dinner. Keep the texting chit chat to a minimum.  next move is to get her face to face.

If you dont hear from her, try reaching out in 2 or 3 months.  Girls emotions and feeling change day to day. Maybe she was down that day or she went out with another guy. Her ex came back into the picture. You need to expect this stuff to occur especially in the early phases. Nothing wrong with the football date. When a girl wants to see you it doesnt matter. Also shake the emotional baggage when you are out with her. That's a downer. maybe that was the reason.  The short of it is that you over reacted. One other thing --  you demonstrated that you have a lack of options when you pout over one girl. Act as if you have tons of options.  You should have responded to her with s/t like  "hey sorry you couldnt make it. I went with my friend instead. We had a great time".

Edited October 23, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Personal attack and language

[Fletch Lives]

Until they are in love with you, which takes months, you have no hook to keep them around. So don't give it a second thought. Go find another woman to date.

[d0nnivain]

10 hours ago, StreetGlideHD said:

 one Saturday out of the blue, she asked what I was doing, I told her I was running errands and asked if she wanted to go out to watch the game the next day, she said yes. Later in the evening she sent a voice note saying she was doing something and I replied, no problem, I won't disturb you. I haven't heard from her since. The weird thing is she continued to like and comment on my Facebook posts after two weeks of no contact. I removed her from social media not too long ago. Thoughts as to why the communication suddenly stopped?

Communication stopped because she interpreted your message as you being passive aggressive & thinking that you were blowing her off forever because she was "doing something."    I get that is not what you were saying & that you were trying to be respectful of her time.  But when dealing with people everybody has insecurities & will pick the negative interpretation each time.  

 

8 hours ago, StreetGlideHD said:

Unfortunately there is no more communication. I deleted her number, removed her from Facebook. I just wanted an answer or some insight as to why someone just stops talking. She was mostly the initiator. Our conversations were deep. I have my own theory but I don't want to sound arrogant or big headed.

You then overreacted.  

That Sunday she was waiting for you to confirm the game time, where you were going & how you were getting there.  

You played some tit for tat power game based on the fact that you were the last person who sent that message about not disturbing her.   She was waiting for you to firm up details.  When you didn't she got pissed that you blew her off.  Meanwhile you were sitting around being annoyed that she didn't reach out.   Then you deleted her.  She figured that out & couldn't figure out why turned out to be a so unreliable & her feelings got hurt. 

Instead of actually communicating both of you made (incorrect) assumptions & now whatever this was friendship / budding romance / good neighbors is up in flames.  This what happens when you ASS U ME.  

Edited October 22, 2020 by d0nnivain

[Fletch Lives]

4 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Communication stopped because she interpreted your message as you being passive aggressive & thinking that you were blowing her off forever because she was "doing something."    I get that is not what you were saying & that you were trying to be respectful of her time.  But when dealing with people everybody has insecurities & will pick the negative interpretation each time.  

 

You then overreacted.  

That Sunday she was waiting for you to confirm the game time, where you were going & how you were getting there.  

You played some tit for tat power game based on the fact that you were the last person who sent that message about not disturbing her.   She was waiting for you to firm up details.  When you didn't she got pissed that you blew her off.  Meanwhile you were sitting around being annoyed that she didn't reach out.   Then you deleted her.  She figured that out & couldn't figure out why turned out to be a so unreliable & her feelings got hurt. 

Instead of actually communicating both of you made (incorrect) assumptions & now whatever this was friendship / budding romance / good neighbors is up in flames.  This what happens when you ASS U ME.  

I'm not buying it. When somebody is busy, you wait for them to get done so they can contact you. Everybody knows this.

[boymommy]

She voiced to you that she hooked up with people on the first date too fast-you in turn asked her to come over and watch a football game which is not an actual date but more of a netflix and chill type date..perhaps it scared her off because she thought you were looking to hook up too quickly and she’d been down that road before. 
 

I know she gave you some mixed signals about what she was looking for but my guess is your “date” idea is why she ghosted you. If you had actually asked her out on a legit real in person date then she may have taken you more seriously. 

Edited October 22, 2020 by boymommy

[d0nnivain]

11 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said:

I'm not buying it. When somebody is busy, you wait for them to get done so they can contact you. Everybody knows this.

He used the phrase "I won't disturb you".  A certain tone makes those words sarcastic & resentful.  There was no tone because it was text but you have to admit there's a possibly of misinterpretation on her part.  

Second, he asked about watching the game on Sunday.  He didn't follow up Sunday morning.  Even though it's sexist, as the woman she was most likely waiting for him to reach out to firm up the plan. When he didn't, she got hurt.   In this day & age she should have reached out herself but decades of gender roles are hard to overcome.  When they didn't get together & she didn't reach out, he got hurt.  

My main point is that all this silence, posturing, game playing, power considerations etc. get in the way.  The path forward always involves clear direct communication.  These two abdicated the responsibility to make that happen then blamed the other.    Even if I'm wrong had one of them talked to the other rather then just going silent, at least they'd know rather then guessing & trying to get people on the internet who don't know either of them to try to figure it out. 

[boymommy]

7 hours ago, StreetGlideHD said:

 

Thank you . It was established that we were both not looking for something serious although she was on dating apps, I just went with the flow, I am transparent, she asked, so I showed her. I think me moving on has to do with my ego, it was bruised. I will get over it. Yes lesson learned. She wasn't really the "date" type. She was more of a sports bar kind of lets watch a football game kind of person for the record. 

Okay I skipped over this response. So perhaps a better idea instead of watching the game at your place would be to watch the game at a sports bar instead. Maybe that would lift any concerns about hooking up too fast. 

[Fletch Lives]

I hear you d0nnivain, but I still think him saying "I won't disturb you". is polite and benign. He never contacted her again because she never got back to him after she was busy. I think he did exactly what he should have done. I just don't think she was that into him or she was crazy and that's the point she disappeared. All part of normal dating, it happens all the time.

"I won't disturb you" is not the same as, "Have a nice life", which is what I texted a woman after two weeks of dating once, after she hen-pecked / nagged me for 20 minutes at the end of a date  the second week of knowing her (I should not have said that, but I was mad). There was absolutely no ambiguity in that text!

I do love your posts!

 

[StreetGlideHD]

There is a lot for me to respond to. A lot of different opinions and some personal zingers, seems like ya'll have been hurt in the past so please don't take your experiences out on me. I just moved to another state not knowing anyone. I am not meeting women in bars to get laid, I am looking for friends. Again, take the time to read my post, not interpret it to fit your past experiences. 

Never did I say that I invited her back to my place. I am a grown man, not a child, I don't play the tit for tat games, I have been in relationships before. The minute she started bringing up other men and the sexual encounters, there was no way I was going to let her emasculate me. That is why she got what she asked for, pictures, screen shots from conversations with other women. As for me having a chip on my shoulder, not at all, I am a humble individual, but I don't play the chasing game. 

Most of you think that this was destined to be a romantic thing. Not at all, I made that clear and she made that clear. As for the poster who said I am a boy, please take your pick up artist style advice and throw it where it came from. The core issue is, I just wanted a simple explanation, well not so simple because it seems like people are projecting their past experiences into their snarky answers. 

The truth is, I will never know, but it is somewhat cathartic to put my words and thoughts on a forum, even at the behest of some of these outlandish assumptions and responses. And believe me, I have plenty of options. I didn't stay home that Sunday, I was out with another female that I met and even posted pictures on Facebook, which she pressed the like button.

 

[StreetGlideHD]

Thinking back I am kind of glad she didn't contact me. Someone who doesn't communicate on the phone ever is a huge red flag. I have to take this for what it was, basically nothing. Yes there was attraction and great voice not conversation. You have to understand I just lost my father and moved, making friends is hard, especially in person. 

[d0nnivain]

@StreetGlideHD

I should have said this in my original response.   My condolences on the loss of your dad.  

[Fletch Lives]

Well, if you guys were not in it for romance or pure friendship, but rather some half-baked sex thing, I'm not surprised it failed .......it's not a serious relationship you were after, so there is no structure or guide to follow, it's all hit-and-miss at that point. That's the poke the animal with a stick and see what it does approach - which usually does not get you to a goal.

[StreetGlideHD]

Just now, d0nnivain said:

@StreetGlideHD

I should have said this in my original response.   My condolences on the loss of your dad.  

Thank you, I appreciate that. This plays a major factor in the dynamics of whatever this was with this woman. And again, I was transparent with her about what I was not looking for, emotionally unavailable etc. 

[poppyfields]

12 hours ago, StreetGlideHD said:

We still voice noted back and forth and one Saturday out of the blue, she asked what I was doing, I told her I was running errands and asked if she wanted to go out to watch the game the next day, she said yes. Later in the evening she sent a voice note saying she was doing something and I replied, no problem, I won't disturb you. I haven't heard from her since. The weird thing is she continued to like and comment on my Facebook posts after two weeks of no contact. I removed her from social media not too long ago. Thoughts as to why the communication suddenly stopped?

SHE is probably wondering the same thing!  Why haven't you called/texted/voice noted her?  

You had a date Sunday to watch football, correct?  Wondering why you never followed up?  She may be thinking you blew her off.  I would have!  

What was the context of her voice note Saturday saying she's "doing something"?  Was it in response to a message or note you had sent?   Letting you know she was busy right then and couldn't chat?   

Your response "I won't disturb you" was fine, in that context it did not sound flippant, to me.  But you never know how she may have interpreted.

Or did she mean she was doing something Sunday and was canceling the football date?   Something is missing, more context about that. 

Nevertheless, the silence now is as much on you as it is on her.

Since she continued to like and comment on your FB, she was not ghosting you.   A "ghoster" wouldn't do that.  

My guess is she is as confused about why the communication stopped as much as you.  

What's stopping you from reaching out?  Dont allow fear (or ego) to drive your ship man, it will surely sink.

Lastly, my condolences about the death of your parent.  Hugs 

 

Edited October 22, 2020 by poppyfields

[StreetGlideHD]

Just now, Fletch Lives said:

Well, if you guys were not in it for romance or pure friendship, but rather some half-baked sex thing, I'm not surprised it failed .......it's not a serious relationship you were after, so there is no structure or guide to follow, it's all hit-and-miss at that point. That's the poke the animal with a stick and see what it does approach - which usually does not get you to a goal.

She was a sapiophile and so am I, never once did we make any sexual overtures towards each other, with the exception of the videos of her modeling clothing which I found odd. That was the same day she ghosted me. 11 am, showing me short cut shorts from every angle. 9 pm ghosted. How does, I won't disturb you come across as bad ? She said she was busy, so I gave her space respectfully. 

[StreetGlideHD]

On 10/22/2020 at 8:22 AM, poppyfields said:

SHE is probably wondering the same thing!  Why haven't you called/texted/voice noted her?  

You had a date Sunday to watch football, correct?  Wondering why you never followed up?  She may be thinking you blew her off.  I would have!  

What was the context of her voice note Saturday saying she's "doing something"?  Was it in response to a message or note you had sent?  

Or did she mean she was doing something Sunday and was canceling the football date?   Something is missing, more context about that. 

Nevertheless, the silence now is as much on you as it is on her.

Since she continued to like and comment on your FB, she was not ghosting you.   

My guess is she is as confused about why the communication stopped as much as you.  

What's stopping you from reaching out?  Dont allow fear (or ego) to drive your ship man, it will surely sink.

Lastly, my condolences about the death of your parent.  Hugs 

 

It was more of a hey do you want to watch football Sunday at a bar/restaurant? Her yes, no plans were set because it's hard when you don't talk on the phone. The voice note that she was me responding what I did during the day and her voice not was I am watching a virtual concert, so I didn't want to disturb her and bombard her with texts and more voice notes. Yes I get it's an ego thing, I am man enough to admit that. But I don't see her commenting on social media as interest. I have said it before, if she wanted to respond, she would have, it's simple. And thank you for your kind words.

Edited October 23, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Formatting

[d0nnivain]

15 minutes ago, StreetGlideHD said:

I don't play the tit for tat games, 

Let me clarify something.  When you said I won't disturb you on Saturday night meaning that you were OK with her being busy, I then explained how I thought she may have misunderstood that.  Since you invited her to watch football with you on Sunday, why didn't you reach out Sunday to firm up the plans?  It's not a crack.  I genuinely do not understand your motivation / thought process. You clearly had enough wherewithal to organize another date with a different woman when the subject of this post didn't contact you.   The tit for tat thing I meant as you reached out last so you thought it was her turn.  I'm not accusing you of being wrong.  I'm just trying to help you see it from a woman's perspective.  She may have not been on the same taking turns page but instead was relying on old gender roles that as the man it was your responsibility to follow up & firm up the plans.  

Is my perspective clear to you?  that is not to say you agree with my interpretation but you acknowledge it as plausible.  

The woman in Q thereafter "liked" the pictures you posted with the person you did watch the game with.  Don't you think that hurt the 1st woman's feelings?  In her shoes I would have been wondering why you asked me to watch the game, didn't contact me that day, then went out with somebody else.  Whether friends or more, in her shoes I would have felt like crap, like something you did when you were bored but for whom you had no regard when somebody new came along.  

It's done now but perhaps if you think about what I'm offering the next time you won't have these misunderstandings.  

[poppyfields]

>>I have said it before, if she wanted to respond, she would have, it's simple. <<

In her mind, so would you have. And yes, very simple.

 

[d0nnivain]

10 minutes ago, StreetGlideHD said:

How does, I won't disturb you come across as bad ? She said she was busy, so I gave her space respectfully. 

Again it's tone, which was missing from a text.  She may have heard in sarcastically like you were annoyed while you meant it kindly.  It's part of the problem with text as a medium.  

[poppyfields]

10 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Since you invited her to watch football with you on Sunday, why didn't you reach out Sunday to firm up the plans?  

That was my question too!   It was a serious question. 

Again, if you like this girl, do not allow fear, or ego, or silly cat/mouse, tit for tat games drive your ship.

What are you afraid of?  Another serious question. 

Edited October 22, 2020 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

You wanted nothing serious, you acted like you wanted nothing serious, she offered you nothing serious...sounds to me like you got what you wanted. I don't get you needing 'closure'. Closure from something non-serious that you initially wished for? A lot of people lie to themselves about their real intention,  You said you want nothing serious but here you are opening up to her, rendering yourself vulnerable, sharing deep conversations etc. That's not the actions of a man that wants nothing serious and now you are *hurt* over 2 weeks of text. 

She's gone, let her go. You don't need to know why it's not going to make it easier to accept. 

Your next job is to heal from what ever made you THIS vulnerable that you are hurt over a 2 week text relationship.

Edited October 22, 2020 by Gaeta