LeoLady888 Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 Snowcones, This Quote His idea of making things better was to get with me and tell her about it out of spite in order to force a change. Is this the type of guy you can respect and want to be with? Really? He sounds manipulative, conflict avoidant, spiteful and downright nasty. 'When people show you who they are - believe them' Please give him a swerve. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 Why are you still playing sounding board to this guy about his marriage problems? You should have shut down that line of conversation a while ago. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 11 hours ago, snowcones said: Grouchy is definitely right word. How sad. I mentioned counseling to him and he acknowledged that they were at an impasse and needed some type of help. His idea of making things better was to get with me and tell her about it out of spite in order to force a change. I told him I don't want to be part of that. Yes, one of the two top reasons people cheat is for revenge - that's exactly what he's going for here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 On 10/23/2020 at 6:03 AM, snowcones said: I think I've got a married guy who is doing this and before I mention it to him, I need to know what it is and why it's done. I'm sorry, you mean you are dating a married man? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author snowcones Posted October 25, 2020 Author Share Posted October 25, 2020 7 hours ago, Ellener said: I'm sorry, you mean you are dating a married man? We are not dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 Just now, snowcones said: We are not dating. Walk away from him. If he leaves his wife and establishes a single life you could maybe connect then, but it doesn't sound very promising. If you are planning a career in therapy there are way better avenues to train! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted October 27, 2020 Share Posted October 27, 2020 I know you think he was being genuine. But sounds like this guy isn't genuine at all. People like this are very deceptive. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 (edited) On 10/23/2020 at 4:03 AM, snowcones said: I've heard this term used by BS's I'd note that this sort of thing doesn't only happen when affairs are involved. It can happen in "normal" ending of relationship scenarios as well, where the exiting partner "decides" that those good times weren't really so good after all. Presumably a psychological defense mechanism of sorts and/or cognitive dissonance at play... Edited October 29, 2020 by mark clemson 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 Some people have a hard time accepting that a satisfying historical relationship isn't doing it for them anymore so they re-write the satisfying times to justify the emotions of the moment. This also plays into, if sufficiently attractive, the listener's desire to be sympathetic to a person they find attractive. Relationship 101. Being somewhat of an idiot in that regard I had some problems dating after my divorce because I didn't diss my ex-wife sufficiently, apparently, to convince the ladies I was 'over' her. Heh, women. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author snowcones Posted October 29, 2020 Author Share Posted October 29, 2020 22 minutes ago, carhill said: Some people have a hard time accepting that a satisfying historical relationship isn't doing it for them anymore so they re-write the satisfying times to justify the emotions of the moment. This also plays into, if sufficiently attractive, the listener's desire to be sympathetic to a person they find attractive. Relationship 101. Being somewhat of an idiot in that regard I had some problems dating after my divorce because I didn't diss my ex-wife sufficiently, apparently, to convince the ladies I was 'over' her. Heh, women. That's funny. 😂 This guy and I are still speaking. I know that will upset a lot of people here, but we haven't done anything but talk so far. He claims that his relationship is open and that his wife wants him to find someone else. I know if we were to take it to the next level, the next step for me is to verify with the wife that the R is in fact open, but I'm not ready to do that, because I suspect that she's not on board actually, and then that would be the end of us, and I'm enjoying getting his attention too much right now. He is drop-dead gorgeous and I'm not ready for it to end. I know I could never cross the physical line with him. It would be too much, my heart would be shattered in pieces when it ended. We haven't even seen each other in person again aside from the first day we met. It's just been texting. Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 17 minutes ago, snowcones said: He is drop-dead gorgeous and I'm not ready for it to end. You are playing with fire. If he's "gorgeous" he will always have a ton of options and will probably cheat as long as he can. The ego kibbles from having a good looking person want to sleep with you isn't worth it if they are like him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author snowcones Posted October 29, 2020 Author Share Posted October 29, 2020 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Zona said: You are playing with fire. If he's "gorgeous" he will always have a ton of options and will probably cheat as long as he can. The ego kibbles from having a good looking person want to sleep with you isn't worth it if they are like him. I agree, he will probably become a serial cheater if he isn't already. Trust me, I know this is not a long-term thing with him. If I don't give him what he wants (and I'm not) he will move onto someone who will. Edited October 29, 2020 by snowcones Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 18 minutes ago, snowcones said: I agree, he will probably become a serial cheater if he isn't already. Trust me, I know this is not a long-term thing with him. If I don't give him what he wants (and I'm not) he will move onto someone who will. Nah, and i think this is where many women go wrong. He will keep trying and trying. And then the woman will believe it isnt really about just sex for him... that he must really care/want/desire to change his life for her... Of course, they are wrong. And it isnt always just about sex. It is the ego strokes that the woman gives him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author snowcones Posted October 29, 2020 Author Share Posted October 29, 2020 (edited) I 25 minutes ago, Starswillshine said: Nah, and i think this is where many women go wrong. He will keep trying and trying. And then the woman will believe it isnt really about just sex for him... that he must really care/want/desire to change his life for her... Of course, they are wrong. And it isnt always just about sex. It is the ego strokes that the woman gives him. Let's just put it this way, as long as the guy is married (which will be forever) I am not going there. There may be some ego strokes involved but this guy is the type who's used to getting whatever kind of sex he wants from women (which is why he's b****ing about his wife), so I don't see him settling for less. He feels entitled to it, full stop. He's going to find it somewhere, not to mention probably fix the problems he has with his wife. Edited October 29, 2020 by snowcones Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 2 hours ago, snowcones said: I Let's just put it this way, as long as the guy is married (which will be forever) I am not going there. There may be some ego strokes involved but this guy is the type who's used to getting whatever kind of sex he wants from women (which is why he's b****ing about his wife), so I don't see him settling for less. He feels entitled to it, full stop. He's going to find it somewhere, not to mention probably fix the problems he has with his wife. What I'm saying is.... yes, he will likely find it elsewhere. But that won't stop him pursuing you. The more the merrier. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author snowcones Posted October 30, 2020 Author Share Posted October 30, 2020 4 hours ago, Starswillshine said: What I'm saying is.... yes, he will likely find it elsewhere. But that won't stop him pursuing you. The more the merrier. I'm sure he will act dumb eventually and turn me off like most men. lol Link to post Share on other sites
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