How long did it take you to move on after a breakup?

[Negotaurus]

Marriages, other relationships. Cheating, no cheating. I would really love to hear other people's experiences, helpful tips, maybe some happy endings ("Breaking up was the best thing that could have happened to me" and all that cheesy stuff!). I'm freshly single, my ex is moving back to his home country this week and although I know it is for the best, I'm deeply scared. I feel very alone.

If you don't have a happy ending, confide and let's hear everybody out.

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry you are hurting right now.  Your EX may be moving but that doesn't make you alone.  Don't you have family & friends?  They will help you.  If your circle of friends could stand to expand now is a great time to get started on that.  Keeping busy is part of healing. 

In college I was a flirty player girl flitting from one short term relationship to the next.  It took me about 5 minutes to get over a guy. 

Most times if I was the dumper by the time I pulled the trigger & ended things, I was emotionally done & had exhausted every possible means I could think of to fix things so I didn't need much post break up time to "get over" him.  

Usually I could heal in a few months.  My go to secrets for feeling better involved ice cream, journaling, making lists of things I wanted to do with all my new free time, devising plans of how I was going to meet new people, & hanging out with my dear friends.   Boxing up & getting rid of all the mementos & rearranging my living space also helped me to cleanse.  

The break up that took the longest to heal from probably took more then 2 years.  He & I had lived together for 10 years.  I ended it not because I didn't love him but because he was bad for me & I finally had to face the fact that he was never going to marry me.  I wanted to get married.  He claimed it was just a piece of paper.   There were other issues too.  I was so profoundly sad.  I probably cried in my shower every day for a year.  I reached out to him when his father was dying.  He talked to me.  I thought there was hope.  He blew me off surrounding the funeral which was a point of contention after the way he had treated me at his mom's funeral.  I cried some more but that helped me realize just how unimportant I was to him.  I didn't get my "closure" until 7 years later when DH & I were planning our wedding.  We had no problems to speak of, plenty of money, etc but it was still stressful.  In a moment of clarity I realized that if I had ever tried to do this with this EX we would have destroyed each other during the wedding planning process.  That really helped me truly know that I did the right thing.  

FWIW, they say it takes about 1/2 of the length of the relationship to fully get over it. 

Hang in there.  

[Atwood]

Some of my breakups have felt freeing. Caged bird escapes etc. etc. and it's been very easy to move on very quickly from painful relationships, especially when I checked out emotionally/had been thinking of breaking up for quite some time. 

If my current partner and I were to break up I know I would be devestated and would not want to date again for a very long time. I really think it depends on how easily you can grieve what you have lost. If you lost something really good, that's gonna hurt. 

[Ruby Slippers]

I always give myself half the duration of a shorter relationship, and a year for a longer one. My last relationship was 6 months, so I gave myself 3 months to get over it. That happened last month, but I'm waiting to reach a certain goal before I date again. I think it's very important to give yourself adequate healing time so you don't drag any emotional baggage into the next relationship. 

[TeddyBundy1993]

It depends on person circumstances attachment and so on. Dont really compare yourself with anyone theres nothing wrong or to be ashamed. It hurts, as some says its death of emotions and many other feelings and hope. But be assured it isnt the end of life. There's always a new day, and new beginning waiting for you. Last year at this same time I was sobbing but now I m absolutely fine. This phase, gonna pass. You'll built a life without him, a happy life I promise. 

[MrPlop]

I acted as if she had passed away 🤣

[Goodguy05]

Years

[Blind-Sided]

Depends.

I was with my exW for almost 20 years.  I loved her, and built a life together with her.  I would say it was close to a year from the time she dropped "I don't love you" on me... but it made it real easy to be done as she got cruel, and mean to me and her daughter.  The day she physically moved out, and handed me the house key back.... it was like a huge weight lifted off of me.   At that point, the healing began, and I really didn't even care.  BUT... even though I was no longer sad... I had a hard time trying to date.  I don't know if it's because I had feelings... or if it was simply because I am a good boy, and it just felt wrong (out of habit) after being with someone for so long.

Other GF's over the years... it took a couple months.

BUT... there was one girl who I was in love with.  We dated for 5 years or so, and I worked for her dad.  She broke up with me over a few BS reasons, but I later found out... from her brother... that she was cheating with a friend.  I never really got over her.  After my divorce... I was going to work in the small city where she lived, and her brother told me to contact her. I almost did... but I really couldn't bring myself to do it, because I still had feelings for her.  (25 years later) 

So... it all depends on the situation, and your real feelings. 

Edited October 25, 2020 by Blind-Sided