casxc Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Recently my parents came to blows after months of conflict on/off and are splitting up after 31 years of marriage. The recent fight they had I don't think they can come back from and I truly see this as irreconcilable, even with 30 years on the board. I'm 30 next month, so suffice to say I don't know life without a solid family unit. Now, I face the reality of a broken home. 2020 hey? Even though I'm an adult, it hurts as though I'm a child. Mom claims she has been betrayed after referring to text messages - I don't know the rest of the story, and for now I don't really need or want to. My mind right now is swirling with what ifs and negative scenarios. As though this determines the course of the rest of my life and the dynamics. I'm single, and in this stage of my life I'm looking to settle down and eventually start a family with someone I love. What guy would want to date someone with split parents? Is there a stigma with people from broken homes? What would his family think? Etc. That's just one example of how I perceive this to ruin my life in a myriad of ways right now. I'm the eldest child so I feel I have to protect and carry the burdens of my two younger sisters (25 and 23). Things in life were going great until this bombshell was dropped. I really don't know how to reach out to my friends or tell people what's going on, without them thinking I'm damaged goods. That's what my brain is telling me right now. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 There is no stigma that I know of for people with divorced parents. You are certainly not alone as millions of people have divorced parents, including me. No man or his parents have ever held that against me. I've dated others whose parents have divorced as well. Didn't blink an eye. Just because your parents are divorcing it doesn't mean they are divorcing their kids. Your parents will still be there for your younger sisters just at a different residence. If you guys are really struggling try getting family counseling to get you through this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author casxc Posted October 23, 2020 Author Share Posted October 23, 2020 5 minutes ago, stillafool said: There is no stigma that I know of for people with divorced parents. You are certainly not alone as millions of people have divorced parents, including me. No man or his parents have ever held that against me. I've dated others whose parents have divorced as well. Didn't blink an eye. Just because your parents are divorcing it doesn't mean they are divorcing their kids. Your parents will still be there for your younger sisters just at a different residence. If you guys are really struggling try getting family counseling to get you through this. Thank you for your reassurance. I guess the mind can run away with thoughts. How did you feel when it first happened? Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 You are 30 not 13 so not sure how it impacts your life so much? Surely you have your own life, your own place to live, your own friends etc? It's really not that big of a deal as you are making it sound. My parents divorced when I was about 8 I think. Stop worrying so much about what other people will think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author casxc Posted October 23, 2020 Author Share Posted October 23, 2020 43 minutes ago, Mystery4u said: You are 30 not 13 so not sure how it impacts your life so much? Surely you have your own life, your own place to live, your own friends etc? It's really not that big of a deal as you are making it sound. My parents divorced when I was about 8 I think. Stop worrying so much about what other people will think. Fair enough. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Your life isn't going to change much. Your parents will stop fighting & you will have to fit in 2 visits on holidays but that is it. Both your parents still love you. Be kind to there as their worlds change but it's not about you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 2 hours ago, casxc said: Thank you for your reassurance. I guess the mind can run away with thoughts. How did you feel when it first happened? I didn't feel anything because I was 9 months old when my bio mom left us. My dad remarried to a woman who couldn't have kids but always wanted them. She was the only mother I knew and was wonderful. Me and my 2 older brothers loved her so much. I now know my bio mom and I'm so glad she wasn't the mother who raised me. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 My husband and I divorced when my oldest was your age. Her younger sisters were 18 and 23. The oldest took it the hardest. She also had a big problem with the loss of the family unit, split holidays, etc. That was seven years ago. We've all adjusted. My husband and I had intended to remain friendly and cordial for our daughters, but his girlfriend would not allow that. We're not allowed to speak to one another. That has created some resentment toward her from my daughters and that has been a much bigger issue than anything related to the divorce. There has never been an issue with her friends, or people she meets, knowing her parents are divorced. Just try to take it one day at a time. Keep nurturing your relationship with both of them. Everything will eventually be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 4 hours ago, casxc said: damaged goods. what country are you in? 1 hour ago, vla1120 said: Keep nurturing your relationship with both of them. Everything will eventually be okay. Excellent advice. Link to post Share on other sites
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