xSqueezyy Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Hi. My ex recently broke up with me. (2.5 months long relationship) The reason at first was that she felt I was too interested in the relationship, that the relationship was mostly one sided from me. She said that she doesn't have time for a relationship right now, that she wants to focus on her studies and herself and she doesn't have the time or the capacity to work on the relationship because it would be too pressuring for her. She said it was more about her than it was about me. The next day of the breakup, I was frustrated, I really missed her and I didn't want to lose her just like that. I sent her a really long text. It contained things like: "Ok so I know you have been cold and distant with me this past month and it's due to the pressure you are currently experiencing from the university, and I know we're both probably not getting what we want from the relationship right now, and that we aren't open to each other as we once were. However, I don't want things to end this way. We shared a lot and we went through a lot, it's not fair for something like this to just go away. I'd rather try than let it slip. I believe we can make this work. I believe that if we actually talk about what each of us want from this relationship, how to not pressure each other, how often we should text, how often we should call, how often we should hang out, etc etc. and we can try this for a week. If we actually felt like this could actually work, and that we can support and help each other, and the relationship becomes more two sided than one sided then we can continue. But, if it was too pressuring and it didn't work out, then it's over. I'm sorry I don't mean to pressure you and put this on top of all what you have, but I really don't want things to end this way. You're one of a kind and I don't want to lose you. ❤️ She responded two hour later. "For starters, you are an amazing guy but I can't lie to myself and most importantly I can't lie to you. I'm not in a place where I can be in a relationship right now it's more about me than it is about you. You say that if we give it time or have a conversation about it things may work, but I feel there's more to what's happening than that. I feel there are things missing in our relationship that are just not there and I don't see a way they can be, it's going to end up forceful and not fair to any of us, it's going to end up a relationship by name and losing each other more than anything else and I don't want that to happen, I want us to stay friends and be there for one another. I care deeply about you I do and any time you need me of course, I'm always there. I don't want this to impact you or your studies in any way, I really care about you but I don't feel I can be that person now or anytime in the future. I hope you understand, and I'm really sorry." I'm really confused. What made her think of me suddenly like this? We had a really good relationship going and we barely fought and neither of us was clingy. I'm going to need your opinion on this. I need clearance and I need it really badly. I want to get back with her, I really do, but she basically never wants to get back with me again. This has been so hard on me and I can't really cope with it this way. Give me your opinion on all of this, I'm all ears!! Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 It's not sudden. She has known for a while that you weren't what she wanted but she is a nice person, thinks you are a fundamentally a good guy & she didn't want to hurt your feelings. So she told you a white lie & sugar coated it. Her offer of friendship means she'd drive you to the hospital if you were dying & wants there to be no drama or bad blood between you but she doesn't really want to keep in touch. If you were everything she wanted in a guy she'd find the time & her studies wouldn't get in the way. The brutal truth is she just don't like you enough to try. It's hard because you are so smitten but she's not. Your message showed you don't care about what she wants, only what you want. It solidified in her mind that you are not the guy for her. If you continue to press your unwanted attention on her you risk ending up on the wrong end of a complaint for harassment or worse a restraining order. You need to go NC. Disconnect on social media. Delete her # & other contact info from your phone & computer. Give yourself a chance to heal & prevent you from debasing yourself by chasing her & begging. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xSqueezyy Posted October 23, 2020 Author Share Posted October 23, 2020 3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: It's not sudden. She has known for a while that you weren't what she wanted but she is a nice person, thinks you are a fundamentally a good guy & she didn't want to hurt your feelings. So she told you a white lie & sugar coated it. Her offer of friendship means she'd drive you to the hospital if you were dying & wants there to be no drama or bad blood between you but she doesn't really want to keep in touch. If you were everything she wanted in a guy she'd find the time & her studies wouldn't get in the way. The brutal truth is she just don't like you enough to try. It's hard because you are so smitten but she's not. Your message showed you don't care about what she wants, only what you want. It solidified in her mind that you are not the guy for her. If you continue to press your unwanted attention on her you risk ending up on the wrong end of a complaint for harassment or worse a restraining order. You need to go NC. Disconnect on social media. Delete her # & other contact info from your phone & computer. Give yourself a chance to heal & prevent you from debasing yourself by chasing her & begging. I haven't contacted her for around 17 days. I didn't beg, I only tried to make things right. Yes I might have been selfish, and it's my bad. I don't want her to have this thought of me though. I don't want her to remember our relationship that I was a selfish dick who only cared about himself. I really don't know how to make things right right now I'm mad at myself for being this way, I'm never like this I can assure you. Throughout the relationship I put her needs first more than anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Everything she said about it being too much pressure, wanting to focus on studies, not having time for a relationship, was all complete lies to let you down gently. The truth is she is not interested in you as much as you are in her. She told you this in her reply to your long message, that there are things missing from your relationship. That is the truth. You can try and want as much as your heart desires, but the fact is she does not want to be with you, or even try. You need to accept that. A relationship is a two way thing, not just one. Both need to feel the same. There is nothing to 'make right' and there is nothing you can, or even should do, to change how she remembers your relationship. It's over. This is what dating is for, to see if there is long term potential. After 2.5 months she decided there was not, you need to respect that. Not every girl you date in your life you are going to want to be with forever and marry. Link to post Share on other sites
FirstClass Posted October 24, 2020 Share Posted October 24, 2020 I'll be blunt with you for your benefit. Real love is between 2 people who both feel the same way. It does not work if one feels that way and the other doesn't. She has provided you with all the information you need. You have only one card left to play. Here it is...... If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were. - Richard Bach, from Johathan Livingston Seagull Link to post Share on other sites
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