Mia12 Posted October 24, 2020 Share Posted October 24, 2020 Is it more common for the married person to call off the affair? Or the person who is not married? I Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted October 24, 2020 Share Posted October 24, 2020 The married person. They already have somebody, they don't really need a second lover. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 24, 2020 Share Posted October 24, 2020 3 hours ago, Mia12 said: Is it more common for the married person to call off the affair? Or the person who is not married? I Maybe the divorce lawyer who sends the paperwork is the one who calls off the affair? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Luna66star Posted October 24, 2020 Share Posted October 24, 2020 Married person as often spouse gets wind of the affair and he/she freaks out and dumps the lover. No win situation for the single person- every time! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 5 hours ago, Luna66star said: No win situation for the single person- every time! Probably not every time, actually. We've had posters here that seemed happy with the OW role, also a few that "got their man", etc. Usually though - yeah, that's almost certainly true IMO. Possibly even the vast majority of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
LeoLady888 Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 Mia12, The answer to your question is 'how long is a piece of string'? The married person may call it off if: a) the AP is getting too demanding, making waves and not staying in their box like they should do b) the BS finds out and threatens to leave and/or throw the AP out and stuff them for a shed-load of maintenance c) AP gets pregnant and WS doesn't believe it's his d) AP gives WS an STD which wife catches The unattached AP may call it off if: a) they 'see the light' and realise they are on a hiding to nothing ie that he isn't leaving b) they want a family and the WS has had a vasectomy/wife gets pregnant. c) BW goes around and punches AP on the nose/slashes her car tires and AP decides her married lover isn't worth a broken nose and a wrecked vehicle. d) they find someone single/with more cash/more free time e) the AP finds out they aren't the only one and end up with an STD So many permutations - pick any one and feel free to add more ! Link to post Share on other sites
Prudence V Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 (edited) On 10/24/2020 at 6:55 AM, Mia12 said: Who calls off the affair usually? The one it stops working for, first. If both partners’ needs are being adequately met, it continues (unless outside forces intervene). If one person’s needs are not being adequately met, they may continue - but with increasing resentment, perhaps until they reach a point where the resentment outweighs any positives / fears of being alone (with or without spouse) / patience and tolerance, at which point they walk away. It can be called off by one person walking away, both partners agreeing to end it, an outside intervention like a DDay, or the partners choosing to transition it into a FTR. And that’s probably the order of most to least common. (based on observation, as I don’t know of any proper studies) Edited October 25, 2020 by Prudence V 5 Link to post Share on other sites
LeoLady888 Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 Quote If both partners’ needs are being adequately met, it continues (unless outside forces intervene) An excellent and pithy summation 🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 On 10/23/2020 at 10:55 PM, Mia12 said: Is it more common for the married person to call off the affair? Or the person who is not married? I IME, whoever is the most pragmatic and/or cares the least ends up calling it off. Many examples in my personal history books have included both parties being married, in fact that was far more common than married/unmarried, with the least common being married and totally single. IME, the particulars depended on the individuals. Forex, a married woman would be more likely to end an affair if/when discovery was a threat, or when her personal need for attention or being desired wasn't being satisfied by a particular man or group of men, depending on whether she was a sole or serial philanderess. Conversely, for some, none of that mattered, rather if the sex waned, bzzt, affair over. On to the next partner. The same can apply to the unmarried person, except if they don't care about discovery, then that potential avenue is foreclosed. A single, widely known 'player' already has a reputation, no surprise there, and any ridicule is already baked in, and there is little to no financial downside like for a married person since the married person has a legal partnership to deal with, save for the infinitesimal areas where 'criminal conversation' surrounding affairs can be actionable. IME, since only a marked minority went on to be with or marry their affair partners, most associations never got that far, or ended. If I had to hazard an overall calc over the decades, I'd opine the likelihood of the married person ending the affair was higher than that of the unmarried person, presuming one was married and the other unmarried. I don't think that's a predictor, rather just how it worked out over my lifetime with the humans I've known. YMMV! Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted October 27, 2020 Share Posted October 27, 2020 My guess (and guess just by observations not data complied in #s) is... Single APs are more likely to break it off if the affair is never discovered. AKA, they are tired of waiting for more. The married partner breaks it off more often if the affair is discovered. Mostly they are happy to have their cake and eat it, too. They also fear retaliation of the AP telling their BS about the affair so stuck there as well. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 27, 2020 Share Posted October 27, 2020 I totally agree with the above statement, ^^^ Link to post Share on other sites
jah526 Posted October 28, 2020 Share Posted October 28, 2020 I broke it off, but my “affair”, if you can call it that, was different than others. He wasn’t promising me anything or saying he cared about me. He just wanted to use me for sex, and my self-worth was so low I agreed to it. Maybe I believed, despite all evidence to the contrary, that he must care for me at least a little to be sleeping with me. I broke it off when I could no longer deny that he didn’t care for me at all. (Single AP) Link to post Share on other sites
Patrice Posted October 31, 2020 Share Posted October 31, 2020 That hurts. But, in the end the truth is the best medicine. Some people are just users. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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