Ann3zies Posted October 26, 2020 Share Posted October 26, 2020 Hi Guys, Its me again. So things with my Boyfriend is going good. But now my gay best friend is having problems. So me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 weeks now and my best friend told me 2 weeks ago that its hard for him to be happy for me because here i am again getting someone new and he can't find anyone. And that he feels ashamed for the fact that he can't be happy for me. This isn't the 1st time i've had a boyfriend but for some reason this time things between me and my best friend have gotten worse. We live together as well and we have been friend for 9 years and been living together for 5 years. The thing between my boyfriend and me are we see each other when we can and that like once a week maybe depending on how busy we are so me spending all of my time with my boyfriend is not a thing to think about. This is the first time me and my friend is going through this and at this point he wants things between me and my boyfriend not to work out and he doesn't want to meet my boyfriend now. So in a way i feel he is playing the vitcim here. I'm not treating him any different at all but because he told me how he really feels about my boyfriend i have no idea how to talk to him and its like he has been building up this wall between us saying things like i'm giving you space to live your live and i'm living mine. Then i asked him but does that have to be in this way when we both can feel we are drifting apart then he gets all emotional saying he is'nt going to be happy for me because there are feelings involved and he can't just accept someone knew coming in between us. but he is the one making my boyfriend the issue. He also said that since my boyfriend has come into the pic everything have gone to sh##. Again playing the victim. i have tried everything i can think of even to the point of not talking about my boyfriend at all. And i know he is being a very selfish friend and childish at this point but i need help i don't want to loose a friend of 9 years but i also don't want to give up on love and maybe one day have my own family. it could be my current boyfriend but if not there will be someone else that i will marry someday and have kids with and if my friend is going on like this now this will always be the problem going forward. I am not giving him any reason to doubt me or think i'm leaving him behind but he is placing himself in the backseat and i'm not allowed to have a feeling about how he is feeling. I need advise from anyone that knows what i'm talking about. How do i handle this? How do i save this friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted October 26, 2020 Share Posted October 26, 2020 Why do you even want to save this friendship? He is being very selfish and only thinking about himself. If he has nobody and is lonely - that's his problem not yours. Its expected to drift apart - you now have a boyfriend so most of your spare time will be spent with him, not your friend. As you say in the future when you get married etc, your priority will be your relationship with your boyfriend/husband not your friend. Until recently I lived with my best best friend. During that time he found a girlfriend. In the evenings after eating when usually we would play games or watch stuff together, he would instead be on the phone video calling his new girlfriend for a few hours. I understood because she became his priority, and rightly so, and let him to his thing while I did something else by myself. No problem. He did the same to me when I found a girlfriend. We are still best friends regardless, and want each other to be happy with the people we love. Time to find a new best friend, one that actually wants you to be happy instead of thinking about themselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 26, 2020 Share Posted October 26, 2020 Just go about your life, treat your BF normally & be sensitive to your friend's loneliness & jealousy. He is playing the victim but you can't snap him out of that right now. In this time of Covid when everything is a struggle & being gay your friend probably feels more discrimination & uncertainty in this tumultuous world, he's not being a great friend. But since this is new & probably coming from a place of fear -- that you are going to leave him too -- be kind. In time he should snap out of this & go back to being the great guy who became your friend in the 1st place. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted October 26, 2020 Share Posted October 26, 2020 2 hours ago, d0nnivain said: In time he should snap out of this & go back to being the great guy who became your friend in the 1st place. Yes, I think a lot of us are weary one way or another this year...ignore the whining and encourage him. You live together so it's best to get along, though I would cut short the complaining conversations myself, life is irritating enough in 2020! Boyfriends will come and go, hold on to your favourite friends where possible @Ann3zies actually I'm surprised you think of this man as your boyfriend if you've seen him once a week for three weeks, isn't that a bit soon? Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted October 26, 2020 Share Posted October 26, 2020 A friend who isn't happy when they see you happy isn't a friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted October 27, 2020 Share Posted October 27, 2020 2 hours ago, MsJayne said: A friend who isn't happy when they see you happy isn't a friend. Truer words were never spoken. +1. This is so spot on. Do you think your male friend of 9 years may have romantic feelings towards you and is jealous that you have a boyfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
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