Losing the person who raised you

[Rainoflight]

Hello,

Nice to meet you all. I need some input and some advice as I am really trying to stay above the water, but I am feeling I am lost.

My grandmother, the woman who raised me, forgot who me and my parents are since yesterday. She is 94, but was really strong and most of all super sane, but last week she broke her hand in the house, so we had to put a gypsum to it.

Yesterday in the afternoon she started forgeting who we all are, and later in the night she became violent, shouting and crying.

After a dreadful night, today we moved her to a seniors home, but she is worse and worse and the doctors suspect her of dementia.

 

I consider myself a though cookie, but last night broke me in every single way possible.  I cried, I cried my heart out but I am down on my knees as I can't understand why this happened to someone as good hearted as her.  

I know it is for the best for her to be there, but I am torn, I am destroyed.

Nothing prepared me to see her like this. We expected her end, she is old, but not like this.

 

Any input is perfect,

Thank you!

 

Ringo

[d0nnivain]

They call dementia & Alzheimer's the Long GodoBye for a reason.  We hate to see our loved ones suffer.  For right now look at some old pictures.  Remember the good times. Do what you can to make new memories & keep grandma safe.  It will be rough but death is a part of life, it's the sucky part but it is still in the cycle.  94 was an amazing run. Celebrate that part of longevity but do brace yourself for the final good bye. 

I am so sorry.  I know it's tough to see the ones we love like this.  

[Rainoflight]

Thank you, Donnie.

It hit us like a bomb. Nothing, no signs of it, then boom.

[FMW]

My grandmother, my father's mother, had alzheimers for the last 10 years of her life, it was heartbreaking.  

She was never violent, but was always confused and sometimes frustrated that no one seemed to know what she was talking about.  She seemed to be living in the past in her head, talking about things that happened 50 years ago as if they were current, talking about family that had passed on as if they were still alive and she had  just talked to them.  She usually thought my dad was her younger brother (who was dead).   

My grandfather, her husband, had been hiding what was happening to her from all of us for some time.  He wasn't well and my father went to stay with them for a few days.  My grandfather died and my grandmother came in to where my dad was sleeping and woke him up saying "That man is dead", pointing to my grandfather in the bed she had shared with him.  His death seemed to snap the last straw for her, and my father effectively lost both parents at the same time.  For the rest of her life she would talk about how my grandfather just left her and disappeared, maybe ran off with another woman.  That was apparently preferable to accepting that he died in her confused state.   

My heart goes out to you.  Make use of any resources that are available like support groups or just informational material.  Like d0nnivain said, treasure all the good memories and do what you can going forward.      

 

[Rainoflight]

Thank you, FMW.

I am at peace that she has at the moment special care, but last night shocked me in every way as she was shouting that my parents are trying to murder her, that they are not the real ones and are other people. I can't get out of my head the call my mum made to me crying and in the background the shouting.

I spent my afternoon reading informational material about this, but each hour is different. I was a bit afraid I suffered a panic attack. I was very lucid, I was putting in motion everything to get her the best possible care and home available near our house, but I couldn't stop my hands from shaking. Now I am all good, I am just upset on how unfair all of this really is.