LeniA Posted October 28, 2020 Share Posted October 28, 2020 Loss of my dad 4 years ago hit me hard big time.We were close and I was his first born being the oldest of 3 he had.Lost him to cancer battling it for 2 years.I remember him for being there for me.Also he was a huge Green Bay Packers fan.Did teach me to ride a horse at age 6,he was into cowboy stuff and wanted to follow him as a cowgirl which I am still to this day.Drove truck for a living and got me into semi trucks but getting to fix them.I always liked anything big moving around as a kid including heavy equipment.He inspired me a lot,decided I wanted to become a semi truck and heavy equipment mechanic and own a semi truck and heavy equipment repair shop one day when I was 15.He supported me on my decision.Said don't give up on this and stay in school.Always got on me an education is important,get no where without it.It was tough seeing him suffer in pain and going down hill.Then one day I got the call from my mom,she was crying and told me dad died.Said dad said this to her to tell me before he died: Cowgirls don't cry,getting up moving on.Also said I had to come up which I did for the visitation funeral spending time with family spending time with him.I do have something I got my mom not to sell,his 2004 Chevy 2500 HD and gave it to me.Knew I was right and handed me the title.Still have it to this day which is taken care of very well.I learned to cope with it on my own and know he is no longer suffering in pain. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 28, 2020 Share Posted October 28, 2020 You seem to be missing him more than usual today (since you posted this). I'm sorry :(. Your dad sounds like he was an amazing dad. I lost my dad, too, far too young, suddenly. And he was a great dad. It can be so hard to feel like the only person in your life who you are positive loved you unconditionally is now no longer there. I think how much we miss them is directly related to how much we loved them and they loved us. Link to post Share on other sites
Rainoflight Posted October 28, 2020 Share Posted October 28, 2020 Stay safe, LeniA. Life it weird sometimes, but keep in mind all those amazing moments you had together. Nothing can that from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeniA Posted October 28, 2020 Author Share Posted October 28, 2020 He also came up with my nickname,"Leni Loud" for my love of clothing and shoes also.Started when he saw my youngest daughter and I were watching The Loud House together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeniA Posted October 29, 2020 Author Share Posted October 29, 2020 I have my own semi truck and heavy equipment shop which will be 11 years in January of 2021 because of him.He was amazed seeing the shop I bought,said it looked good and I have it set up right.He got me my first tool truck to come in helping me out,a Snap On dealer whom I still deal with to this day.He did good,got me a tool dealer in with great service and treats me right.Called the dealer and said come down to my shop. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 I'm sorry for the loss of your dad. You're lucky he was such an inspiration and good role model. I believe the soul lives on forever in some form, so he'll always be with you in spirit. Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 Sorry for your loss. I know some of what losing a father is like, as my dad died a few years ago. He was pretty abusive to me, so my regret is more over what we could have had. There's supposed to be a special bond between fathers and daughters. I think having bond that makes the difference between being successful emotionally and growing up trying to hide the fact that you're just a little girl with a broken heart. Pass on to your children the good things that you received. I still remember the one thing my father did do for me. He taught me to drive and helped me get my first car when I was in high school. Showed me how to change filters and stuff. Kind of like your dad, he got me started on a practical skill that I still value today. I still have that car, too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeniA Posted October 29, 2020 Author Share Posted October 29, 2020 Taught me to work hard and don't give up.I was working at a semi truck repair shop before I opened up.I knew I wanted be my own boss one day,this was in 2009.Told me think it over and plan it out which I did.I have two daughters 14 and 12 I adopted and have passed it on to my oldest,she is a cowgirl now and told her cow girls don't cry too when something goes bad.Taught her to ride a horse when she was 10 and has loved it ever since. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 26 minutes ago, major_merrick said: He was pretty abusive to me, so my regret is more over what we could have had. There's supposed to be a special bond between fathers and daughters. I think having bond that makes the difference between being successful emotionally and growing up trying to hide the fact that you're just a little girl with a broken heart. I totally feel ya on that. I've always felt that when he goes, when I'll mourn most of all is the dad I never had. I had an epiphany a few years ago when a career coach told me that a poor relationship with one's father often creates major blocks around the masculine energy realm of money. Not only does it hinder you when your dad doesn't offer any financial support as you get your feet under you, but it creates mental blocks around earning good money, feeling worthy of abundance, all that good stuff. Finance guru Dave Ramsey sometimes refers to himself as "Papa Dave" or "Uncle Dave" and it occurred to me that this kind of smart, stable guidance around money and other important things is what I always lacked. Thank goodness for good-hearted fatherly figures like him. And thank goodness that I've finally removed those blocks and let the abundance flow in. Much later than it should have happened, but better late than never. People who had/have a good dad (and a good mom) are very lucky. Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 I think that a lot of times, women bond to a man who either reminds them of their father or of their fatherly ideal. My husband has helped me a lot over the years. My FIL is a very stern, severe kind of person but my husband gets a lot of his good qualities from his father. Even though my father wasn't the best, I'm thankful that my daughters are growing up with a good father and grandfather. My husband is also the step-father to a 13 y.o. girl, the daughter of a close friend who died. Sometimes when a father leaves this world unexpectedly, other good men step in to fill the void. You can never replace a father, but sometimes not having that space in your life entirely empty is helpful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeniA Posted October 29, 2020 Author Share Posted October 29, 2020 My 2 daughters came from a home with a mom that was a drug user in and out of jail.Their dad,same way.They are glad I am in their life now,taught them right.I was raised right by my parents,make the right choices in life and I did,one was choose the right friends in life 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 23 minutes ago, major_merrick said: I think that a lot of times, women bond to a man who either reminds them of their father or of their fatherly ideal. Yes, in my 20s I chose men who were the exact opposite of my dad - sweet and sensitive. In my 30s, I leaned more toward his demeanor - domineering hardasses. In my 40s I've found a better balance, but there have still been issues. I thought my last boyfriend was such a unicorn at first, but then latent verbal and emotional abusive tendencies started emerging. The dynamic of our relationship started to look way too similar to the one between my parents. I must have subconsciously been drawn to that due to the past, even though consciously it's the last thing I wanted. My life would have been totally different if I'd had a good dad. But I try to focus on the silver lining, which is that going through so much trauma has made me extraordinarily strong and resourceful. For a while I mourned the traditional life I felt I missed out on. Now I'm embracing something new, enjoying being an uplifter in a nontraditional but powerful way. This is my fate, and I may as well embrace it. Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 22 minutes ago, LeniA said: My 2 daughters came from a home with a mom that was a drug user in and out of jail.Their dad,same way. Kind of sounds like my life. My mother died in prison a while back. Sounds like your dad didn't just set you up to succeed, he's set up the next generation for success too. That's a great legacy. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 How old are you? The loss of parents below age 25, I think it is, is considered traumatic. It's really tough when you're young and a parent dies. Link to post Share on other sites
Negotaurus Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 My condolences.. I also lost my pa some years ago. The grief has settles and turned into a friend. I keep him close to my heart, there he still exists. It was a privilege to know him and still is a privilege to experience such pain living without him. I'm very lucky for having had a dad like him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeniA Posted October 29, 2020 Author Share Posted October 29, 2020 5 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: How old are you? The loss of parents below age 25, I think it is, is considered traumatic. It's really tough when you're young and a parent dies. I am 42 now which I turned 42 on the 17th.My dad was 63 when he died Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeniA Posted October 29, 2020 Author Share Posted October 29, 2020 6 hours ago, major_merrick said: Kind of sounds like my life. My mother died in prison a while back. Sounds like your dad didn't just set you up to succeed, he's set up the next generation for success too. That's a great legacy. It is,my parents wanted to teach my 2 younger brothers and I right to make the right choices.There are consequences to a bad choice.when I was 17,a guy offered me to buy some marijuana from him,told him no and told a police officer near by this.He was arrested,found marijuana on him.My parents were proud of me that day Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 30, 2020 Share Posted October 30, 2020 OP, it takes time to heal (if that's the word) from the death of a parent. Hang in there. Are you able to conjure up good memories? Are you able to recall wonderful things your dad said that are helpful to you right now in your life. Are you able to talk about your father with other people? I find talking about my parents really feels good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeniA Posted October 30, 2020 Author Share Posted October 30, 2020 Just now, Lotsgoingon said: OP, it takes time to heal (if that's the word) from the death of a parent. Hang in there. Are you able to conjure up good memories? Are you able to recall wonderful things your dad said that are helpful to you right now in your life. Are you able to talk about your father with other people? I find talking about my parents really feels good. Yes,have talked with my mom and 2 younger brothers about it.It was even with my friends that knew him well Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 30, 2020 Share Posted October 30, 2020 Actually I think it's talking with people outside the family that is most healing. Just see if you can find ways to discuss your dad's strengths and gifts or humor--the things that made him special. Weave them into the conversation--even at work ... That helps me make my parents' influence continue to feel alive for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeniA Posted October 30, 2020 Author Share Posted October 30, 2020 10 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Actually I think it's talking with people outside the family that is most healing. Just see if you can find ways to discuss your dad's strengths and gifts or humor--the things that made him special. Weave them into the conversation--even at work ... That helps me make my parents' influence continue to feel alive for me. We have,my friends remember him being a good prankster and he had a good sense of humor.Say I learned the prank pulling from him very well.My friend Tricia remembers him pranking an ex boyfriend of hers very well once,he was afraid of snakes and put a fake snake in his car.He pulled something on my dad and learned his lesson called not to mess with my dad Link to post Share on other sites
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