QuietRiot Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 I have noticed with some women, asking about their availability, single status, whether or not they are married or have a boyfriend, can put on the defensive...or can be an uncomfortable topic to approach, yes? I rarely ask a woman "You have a boyfriend?" or "Are you married?", but with online dating...that's eliminated that awkward conversation. I thought of this one time when a woman I started talking to asked me FIRST if I was married, and I had asked back if she had a boyfriend. In both cases, we found out we were unattached altogether, but it's pretty rare to hear a woman ask me that. Most times, I'd get women that get really defensive if I asked them. One of them I had added on Facebook. I couldn't tell from her profile if she was married or not, so when I asked, she says, "We barely know each other, so why would you ask me that?" I was like "What's that got to do with the price of tea in China? I was just asking, lol!" Another woman I talked to generally didn't like talking about dating with me whatsoever, outright told me she preferred to stay off that topic. Of course, this may be an indicator if a guy does this, of what's about to happen next...that it's obvious that he might be interested in her, and...she knows it. Am I right on this? Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 14 minutes ago, QuietRiot said: Of course, this may be an indicator if a guy does this, of what's about to happen next...that it's obvious that he might be interested in her, and...she knows it. Am I right on this? I’d say you’re right. Some people might just be very private, but in general if a guy asks a woman if she’s single, the safe assumption would be that if she is, he would like to ask her out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 1 hour ago, QuietRiot said: Of course, this may be an indicator if a guy does this, of what's about to happen next...that it's obvious that he might be interested in her, and...she knows it. Am I right on this? Yes you are right. That Q is often a precursor to a request for a date so it can put people on edge . Other's may see it as an accusation, that their single status somehow makes them less than. . . A slightly more subtle way may be to work into the conversation, "how does your BF feel about you doing that?" Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 Unfortunately there's a lot of nosy rude people out there, so if someone asks you this again, simply say: "why do you ask?". That will put the ball in their court 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 asking someone if they are married is a legitimate question in the dating world Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 If you are talking to anyone you are romantically interested in, it should be one of the first questions you ask, in a direct or non direct way. It's only if they are not romantically interested in you, they will get defensive/awkward about the question. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 You're right, asking a person's relationship status almost always only happens if the person wants to ask you out or set you up. Asking explicitly, and too soon, can be considered rude, as it is putting someone on the spot about personal information and a lot of people don't want to lie to you if they are single even if they don't want to date you. In general any yes/no question can do that. Implicit asking (if you must ask), in a way that leaves the other person an out, like "You're boyfriend must like that." is about as direct as you can get. She can answer, then you know, or easily ignore it by moving the conversation along. OLD is good as everyone there considers themselves available. I would never ask about married or other boyfriends/girlfriends right off as it implies they are cheaters, pretty offensive and real cheaters will lie. So looking at cost/benefit, you are very likely to get a "no" no matter the truth, and could offend the honest people. I believe this information is better addressed when talking about exclusivity. If you are not interested in exclusivity then you are on thin ice asking about other boyfriends/girlfriends....and to the extent it involves safe sex focus on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 5 hours ago, QuietRiot said: Most times, I'd get women that get really defensive if I asked them. One of them I had added on Facebook. I couldn't tell from her profile if she was married or not, so when I asked, she says, "We barely know each other, so why would you ask me that?" I was like "What's that got to do with the price of tea in China? I was just asking, lol!" Another woman I talked to generally didn't like talking about dating with me whatsoever, outright told me she preferred to stay off that topic. Of course, this may be an indicator if a guy does this, of what's about to happen next...that it's obvious that he might be interested in her, and...she knows it. Am I right on this? - these women did not like you. Quote I thought of this one time when a woman I started talking to asked me FIRST if I was married, and I had asked back if she had a boyfriend. In both cases, we found out we were unattached altogether, but it's pretty rare to hear a woman ask me that. - this woman liked you. You don't have to ask if a woman has a boyfriend - when you ask for her number, she'll tell you. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 29, 2020 Share Posted October 29, 2020 Yes, asking the question generally comes before asking her out. Personally, being single, I don't like when men ask "Are you married/do you have a boyfriend?" I like it better when they ask "Are you single?" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted October 30, 2020 Author Share Posted October 30, 2020 21 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Unfortunately there's a lot of nosy rude people out there, so if someone asks you this again, simply say: "why do you ask?". Or respond, "Why? Are you interested? 😉 " Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 30, 2020 Share Posted October 30, 2020 I do think thst some women ask, not because they are particularly interested in dating, but because they need to know, so they can respond appropriately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted October 30, 2020 Author Share Posted October 30, 2020 4 minutes ago, elaine567 said: I do think thst some women ask, not because they are particularly interested in dating, but because they need to know, so they can respond appropriately. Not sure what you mean? I rarely get women asking me this, and when it does, it does make me wonder if she's interested. But if a woman asks me this, and I'm attracted...I will use that as a means to ask her out. lol Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 30, 2020 Share Posted October 30, 2020 26 minutes ago, QuietRiot said: Or respond, "Why? Are you interested? 😉 " If you mean on dating apps, someone asks if you are married, it could indicate burn out. Asking this on dating apps may mean they've been around the block a few times too many and have been burned a few times too many. As far as people at random, it could be nosiness or a bit of a much too direct and trite pick up line. Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted October 30, 2020 Author Share Posted October 30, 2020 6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: If you mean on dating apps, someone asks if you are married, it could indicate burn out. Asking this on dating apps may mean they've been around the block a few times too many and have been burned a few times too many. As far as people at random, it could be nosiness or a bit of a much too direct and trite pick up line. In the case of my original post. It was a newly hired co-worker. lol Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 30, 2020 Share Posted October 30, 2020 1 minute ago, QuietRiot said: Not sure what you mean? I rarely get women asking me this, and when it does, it does make me wonder if she's interested. But if a woman asks me this, and I'm attracted...I will use that as a means to ask her out. lol It depends on the woman, some women are just nosy, or want to suss out the single guys so they can put up some appropriate walls, or want to be able to dispense dating advice to someone they feel needs it... Some older women are out of the dating game and are not interested in dating or are not interested in dating YOU, but can be very interested in other's single lives... a bit like a real life soap... Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 30, 2020 Share Posted October 30, 2020 1 minute ago, QuietRiot said: It was a newly hired co-worker. Totally inappropriate and in most cases illegal to ask. Work places are not singles bars. Whoever this was sounds like a gossiping busybody. Be polite professional and simply do not discuss your personal life at work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted October 30, 2020 Author Share Posted October 30, 2020 3 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Some older women are out of the dating game and are not interested in dating or are not interested in dating YOU, but can be very interested in other's single lives... a bit like a real life soap... Yeah, it's unfortunate...I'm in my mid-40s...and I'm finding women around my age bracket too bitter about dating, sadly. It's been keeping me single. 😛 But that's a diff topic altogether. Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted October 30, 2020 Author Share Posted October 30, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Totally inappropriate and in most cases illegal to ask. Work places are not singles bars. Whoever this was sounds like a gossiping busybody. Be polite professional and simply do not discuss your personal life at work. BWAHAHA! What company do you work for? I must be in a pretty lax enviroment...our Human Resources never said such a thing. Now if the conversation got sexual, then I could see how it would be an issue. Hell, I've been to after work hours holiday parties among my co-workers (at their homes). Never heard of such a thing, Wiseman. Edited October 30, 2020 by QuietRiot Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 30, 2020 Share Posted October 30, 2020 Ok, so are you interested in whoever asked this? No I would not run around asking this at work. It's unprofessional. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted October 30, 2020 Author Share Posted October 30, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok, so are you interested in whoever asked this? No I would not run around asking this at work. It's unprofessional. Well, if you've been there long enough, you cannot help but to get a little chummy with your co-workers. Esp, if you all go to lunch together. I'm curious on how it's unprofessional. Have you not ever made friends with co-workers? Hung out with certain co-workers you clicked with outside of work? It's very common where I live. Edited October 30, 2020 by QuietRiot Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 30, 2020 Share Posted October 30, 2020 So you do want to date her, now that you are " chummy"? Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted October 30, 2020 Share Posted October 30, 2020 17 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Some older women are out of the dating game and are not interested in dating or are not interested in dating YOU, but can be very interested in other's single lives... a bit like a real life soap... You know way to much about me girly! 😄 Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted October 30, 2020 Author Share Posted October 30, 2020 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: So you do want to date her, now that you are " chummy"? No, we're just friends. We added each other on Facebook. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted October 30, 2020 Share Posted October 30, 2020 The only time I've found this to be an issue, is if the situation really isn't where you would approach someone for a date. For example... your Facebook comment. I'm not on facebook to look for dates... so if someone messages me, and asks if I'm married or single... I would find that either creepy, or intrusive. (like people fishing for information) And I'm a guy. Women may find it even more so. So... that leads me to believe you are simply asking when that's not the right subject for "Situation". If you are at a bar, and you strike up a conversation with someone.... and AFTER A WHILE you ask.... and they get upset... then they are just uptight. But if you are going over, and that's basically the first thing out of your mouth... then you need work on your agility to read social ques. Link to post Share on other sites
Author QuietRiot Posted October 30, 2020 Author Share Posted October 30, 2020 14 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said: The only time I've found this to be an issue, is if the situation really isn't where you would approach someone for a date. For example... your Facebook comment. I'm not on facebook to look for dates... so if someone messages me, and asks if I'm married or single... I would find that either creepy, or intrusive. (like people fishing for information) And I'm a guy. Women may find it even more so. So... that leads me to believe you are simply asking when that's not the right subject for "Situation". If you are at a bar, and you strike up a conversation with someone.... and AFTER A WHILE you ask.... and they get upset... then they are just uptight. But if you are going over, and that's basically the first thing out of your mouth... then you need work on your agility to read social ques. Good point...although, people have met and got together/dated via places they wouldn't have meant to be looking for dates. People don't go to the grocery store to look for dates, but men may hit them up anyway. Same can be said for the gym. "I don't go there to look for dates", but that's when people wind organically meeting and dating. That's typically how it happens. BUT, I get what you're saying about holding out for a while before asking. Link to post Share on other sites
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