Finding myself at a huge crossroads. Biggest dilemma of my life so far.

[Archibald Salisbury]

Ah where to start. I don't even know. Saying that a lot has happened since I last posted something here would be such a big understatement. It has almost been three years, and you can only imagine how much can happen in three years to someone who is at their twenties. 

What a bad year this has been right? I can only guess how many of you are struggling. I am optimistic by nature and every day I wake up believing that it will get better next day. Every day is a disappointment. It is not getting better, and still I cant help myself but believe. I write in here when there is nobody else I can talk to. For that I am more than thankful and this is a topic I haven't discussed with anyone else just yet. With times getting harder and harder because of this tragic crisis we are all experiencing hardships we never imagined before.

 OK here we go with the story. 

Beginning of 2019. Australia. 

I met this girl and it all happened naturally. We went on a few dates and it all clicked. We were so compatible and connected with each other in a deep level. Deep in me I knew that our love will have to be tested through a lot of hardship to come. For once, I live in Germany and she in Australia. I have family members, my aunt and uncle who also live in Australia and would be more than happy if I moved there. At first I was thinking to end it right there with her, and she was also thinking the same. We knew each other for only one month, and I had to go back home, to continue with uni. Long distance is hard, and so many couples fail. Who would ever do long distance with someone you have been seeing for a month.  We tried to end it but we couldn't. Our love was just to strong. We said that if we can make it through the test of long distance then it was meant to be. 

I started it with an open mind. If it did not work than it just did not, no big deal, you go through heartbreak then you move on, its that easy. Thing is people, through all the long distance we grew even closer. I am not kidding guys. We did it, and we are still doing it. We got to connect even more no matter the time difference or the distance. We talked and still talk every single day. At first, we did LDR from mid January till August. I passed all my exams in uni and we met halfway in Hong Kong in August and we didn't give a damn for the protests raging at the time. Those two weeks we spent together in Hong Kong were no kidding the best time in my life. 

After that we did LDR again shortly but I flew back to Australia and stayed there with her for two months. I had to go back home for Christmas and to finish my last semester. The plan was as following. 2020 would be the year that we conclude our long distance. I would finish uni by July and move to Australia to start culinary school, which I have been dreaming to do. We would meet once in March, when we would go to Malaysia, then again in August when she would come to Germany and have her first Euro-trip of her life. 2020 seemed like an incredible year. Well, you can now guess how that went. 

Firstly, our Malaysia trip was booked for 12th of march. Before that we were all seeing how the Virus was spreading to every country. It was getting scary, Italy went on lock down and in Germany they were getting 800 new cases every day, which at the time seemed like a lot. Regardless how many people were telling me not to go to Malaysia I was not going to give up on it. We had booked and payed for everything. It was all planed in detail, hotels, flights and all. Then the crisis was declared a global pandemic and I still boarded the flight. I went to Dubai for the transit, and right when I landed Malaysia closed the boarders. I got stuck in Dubai. Australia wasn't locked just yet so the airline offered me another flight to another destination so I went to Australia and right after I landed there, Australia locked down too. But at least we were together. 

I stayed with her in Australia from mid March until mid June. We never even had one fight. In June I tried to find a flight back, so that I could continue with uni which had partially gone online. I found a flight and came back and it was good that i did. I started my thesis and I am now almost finished. She has been my driving force for I was almost about to drop out. Now I am almost done with my degree and am making my parents proud.

Here it gets a bit complicated. 

I am 100% sure that I truly love this woman and that she loves me back, but moving to Australia is where I start to think twice. Firstly moving there would be super expensive with all the uni admission fees and all, and we cant just marry, we are too young and she is not a PR just yet. I could only go there as a student, which right now is not even possible, all international travel is banned. 

But do I really want to move there? What about everything I have built here in Germany. I do not want to go so far away from my parents, they only have me! Right now they are only a cheap 3 hour flight away. All my friends are here as well. It pains me when I think about all that I would leave behind when I move from here. It would pain me, no matter how much she means to me, it would hurt. One could say if I love her enough and the answer is yes but still it would hurt. Deep in me, I do not really want to move out of Europe. I like Australia, it is a wonderful place but it is so far away from everywhere else. 

I have brought up the topic of her moving here, but it would also be hard for her as it would be for me. I know that deep in my heart, if she would want to break up with me I would agree. It would hurt me for a time but soon I would move on. Now if I would break up with her, I know that it would cause her a great pain. I cant even imagine that scenario. 

I really want her to come here, but now nothing is certain. I stand at a crossroads.

[Mystery4u]

The answer is really simple. You both talk to each other and come to an agreement on who will be moving to live with who, and work towards that plan. I'm surprised you have not done this already.

In my first LDR in my early twenties I was going to be the one to move to South America to be with her. I ended up getting cold feet because I was fresh out of university and wanted to 'build' something first, career etc. Really it was just my gut telling me she wasn't the one. And I was right as we broke up for unrelated reasons.

One of you needs to be willing to make a sacrifice. If neither is willing, then end the relationship as it wont work.

[Wiseman2]

What is "PR"? It sounds like it's been an adventurous, exciting time for you.

Now that the reality hits about LDR, it's not so fun or adventurous.

Unfortunately you are at an impasse about trying to make this fantasy a reality.

You could stay friends, but a relationship is unrealistic 

Edited October 31, 2020 by Wiseman2