deepthinking Posted October 30, 2020 Share Posted October 30, 2020 (edited) I do not want to be broke. Broke-ish. Enough if i go easy. However, my dilemma is how to convey to this friend of mine that I will not lend money to her and her husband. Used to. But had enough of the woe, the last minute pleas that are surprises no more, just monthly drags. They seek to borrow, beg really with an "I'll pay you next week" promise that arouses my scorn as I say one adult {me} does not pay for two adults {them} and any one looking on at that would see 1 idiot for paying out x 3. Fact. She is in her fifties, and lives like a teen does from day-to-day, but she is fun, so i do not want to drop her. Her husband watches giant TV all day, which is expensive to power, so i do not pity them, as they spend money quicker than I do. I some times have a feeling they have money that they keep secret, which is okay, until I get asked to be the funder again for no good reason other than their apparent bad planning. I need to psyche myself up. I spent money on some sundries for them last week, l let the money go, okay, but i am broke-ish too. I have a right to plead poverty like they do. But it feels odd. I have the right to say no. Just confirm this. One adult does not pay for two adults. Even if it means avoiding them ... maybe even that, I just don't know, Edited October 30, 2020 by deepthinking Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 31, 2020 Share Posted October 31, 2020 Yes, even more than one adult not paying for two others, it should be a blanket policy to not lend money to anyone. How to convey this: Do they currently owe you any money? If so, say "I'm sorry, you still owe you X amount of money from previous loans". If they do pay you back but you wish to stop paying, say "I know I've lent money to you before, but I can't keep doing it. You'll have to sort this out yourself". If they ask why, dodge the question and reiterate that you can't help them. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted October 31, 2020 Share Posted October 31, 2020 I had friends like this @deepthinking When I stopped giving they disappeared from my life and I haven't missed them. They were feckless irresponsible people who just use others. Some friendships are just for a season. A lot of people are struggling financially this year, you need to take care of yourself now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 31, 2020 Share Posted October 31, 2020 Don't hang out with anyone who uses you. They're not really friends . People who have drug, drinking or gambling, etc. problems are not worth hanging out with. Delete and block them from all your social media and messaging apps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author deepthinking Posted October 31, 2020 Author Share Posted October 31, 2020 (edited) I told her in a text just now that I cannot afford to pay for 2 others. She accepted this. Later today, i am to visit a neighbour of hers, a visit, she vaguely knows about this friendship though not the actual date and time. I will end up avoiding her when she is broke. I know her paydays. I have not got that many friends that i can just throw one away. Edited October 31, 2020 by deepthinking Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 31, 2020 Share Posted October 31, 2020 It's OK to say no. If she is your friend she will understand. If she is using you for money, she will disappear. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 You should make a clear-cut rule, "I do not lend out money." Period. It's a really bad idea to lend people money. Don't apologize for it and don't feel obligated to do anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 Just say no. You don't owe any explanation for why. Link to post Share on other sites
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