Should I just end this friendship?

[faithandfood]

11 minutes ago, Beachead said:

@faithandfood

I think her reaching out to you and apologizing was a nice gesture that warrants a chance.  Not many people fess up and do that.

If you choose not to give her another chance, then don't worry about any of this.

If you choose to give her one, you can go about things in two ways:

1. You can tell her that you noticed the distance, it hurt you a little, and that it'd be nice to spend more time together.  This way, you are not coming off as accusing nor are you showing that you are keeping tabs on everything she is doing or not doing (Which might make her feel uneasy and not relaxed around you).  All you are doing here is just stating you value your friendship with her. 

2. Alternatively, you don't have to say anything.  You can stay silent about it.  

Both methods have their advantages and disadvantages depending on the person you are dealing with.

Once you clear this step, what you should do is monitor how she behaves over the next few months, silently.  She's apologized so her behaviour should change.  If it doesn't and you find you're still feeling the same way..drop her.  There is no point in keeping her around.  Who she is and the friendship she brings leaves you feeling worse and people like that will be a detriment to your mental health..and ultimately your overall life. 

- Beach

Thanks so much. 

[Cookiesandough]

1 hour ago, faithandfood said:

Lol not a gaslighter. Everything I said was the truth. I’m not begging for her friendship.

Oops sorry. I thought that was what she wrote to you... not the other way around. I apologize 

[faithandfood]

10 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Oops sorry. I thought that was what she wrote to you... not the other way around. I apologize 

Omg it’s okay lol I was so confused. Like that’s never my intention. She wrote this:

gm girl i don’t ever wanna let lack of communication ruin anything so i have noticed a shift in our ours lol, not saying anything or anyone is to blame. life can sometimes just happen but if i’ve done anything to upset you or disappoint i do apologize. if you want your space from me i totally respect that and just speak to me when you’re ready. not by force, i’m here for you and respect any decisions u make regarding me as a friend or person in ur life. sending you love and happiness 💖

[faithandfood]

So she replied yesterday and apologized for the ignoring & flaking & also stated she has been “I’ve been so caught up with being securely attached with myself and my relationships that I really believed we had a solid foundation that there wouldn’t even be a need to be a question on how I feel about you” again she hasn’t talked to me in almost four weeks.

What I’m shocked by is she said I made her look toxic on social media. Her exact words:

“i will say i think the only thing that makes me feel sum type of way about how all this was handled was the way it seemed like u were making me out to be a toxic person on social media. and knowing that i would see it...that’s something i can’t overlook bc u were actively trying to hurt me whereas i didn’t intend to hurt you at all. i’m not here to add toxicity to ur life or ignore you i genuinely care about u. but instead of this back and forth would you like to take this convo in person?”

I asked her to show me where I did this because I have not once subtweeted or called her out on social media. I mostly tweet my thoughts and basically for myself as it’s my page. I also mentioned that this convo could be on the phone as I already made plans. She hasn’t replied.

[Ellener]

Enjoy your plans @faithandfood don't let it derail your day.

[Pumaza]

She is not your freind.Block her and move on.

[faithandfood]

Thank you. She keeps wanting to meet and I don’t want to. I don’t see what would be the reason. I mentioned this could be done over the phone call.. but it’s like, what’s the reason as I’ve said all I needed to.

[basil67]

I take it that you've decided to end the friendship then.  Now is the time to block her and move on. 

[faithandfood]

Yeah I don’t know if I should accept the phone call because she said if we could talk on Tuesday. I can’t and told her Saturday might work. But idk if a phone call would even make a difference 

[Cookiesandough]

She hasn’t answered about why she feels that you attacked her on social media? Really strange.

Edited November 16, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[faithandfood]

2 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

She hasn’t answered about why she feels that you attacked her on social media? Really strange.

So I tweeted this to one of my Twitter followers: well I’ve put in my resignation letter, friendships included. My original tweet was: the amount of toxic friendships I’ve been in this year Lord deliver” she said that those tweets were towards her.

she said this:

“hey my bad girl i saw the word friendship in the replies so that kinda confirmed it in my head. if it wasn’t for me, great...i don’t mind you expressing yourself i’m just being real about how it came across to me in that moment. i’ll be off  tuesday wednesday and saturday . just lmk if u wanna meet in person or we can call each other tuesday.”

I just find it selfish bc she didn’t know the context of my original tweet and the reply, which I told her how I got hurt by multiple people. I honestly don’t have time and energy for this.
 

[faithandfood]

I was thinking of saying this lol I can’t believe I’m explaining one of my tweets:

“Well I’ve also had my share of toxic friendships this year hence why I said that bc I was done. I don’t have the time to subtweet.. I can see that but you don’t know the context of why I said that.”

Edited November 16, 2020 by faithandfood

[basil67]

9 minutes ago, faithandfood said:

 I can’t believe I’m explaining one of my tweets:

I can believe it.   Given that it was a "vague tweet", it's completely expected that you'd end up being questioned by a woman who you could well have been referring to.

If you don't like being put in the position of having people ask about your tweets, go anonymous and tweet to an audience who doesn't know you.   Better yet, keep a private diary which isn't online.  

 

[faithandfood]

12 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I can believe it.   Given that it was a "vague tweet", it's completely expected that you'd end up being questioned by a woman who you could well have been referring to.

If you don't like being put in the position of having people ask about your tweets, go anonymous and tweet to an audience who doesn't know you.   Better yet, keep a private diary which isn't online.  

 

Yeah, but she doesn’t know the context of why I said that. I’ve had several toxic friends this year, not just her. And I can’t go anon on Twitter.

[Cookiesandough]

It sounds like she is splitting hairs trying to find something to be offended about. Seems you were venting by that tweet. She admits at the time there was a rift between you guys and she should also accept that she  may have hurt you. If her assumption it is about her is even true, which she doesn’t know if it is, she’s making an assumption... it was more a response out of being hurt than spiteful and being mean.  If she really is sorry and  wants to make amends and move forward with your friendship,that should be water under the bridge. She should be a little more empathetic Jmo 

Edited November 16, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[basil67]

44 minutes ago, faithandfood said:

Yeah, but she doesn’t know the context of why I said that. I’ve had several toxic friends this year, not just her. And I can’t go anon on Twitter.

Yes, she doesn't know the context because you vague tweeted.  People post using fake names on Twitter all the time.  

[faithandfood]

1 hour ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

It sounds like she is splitting hairs trying to find something to be offended about. Seems you were venting by that tweet. She admits at the time there was a rift between you guys and she should also accept that she  may have hurt you. If her assumption it is about her is even true, which she doesn’t know if it is, she’s making an assumption... it was more a response out of being hurt than spiteful and being mean.  If she really is sorry and  wants to make amends and move forward with your friendship,that should be water under the bridge. She should be a little more empathetic Jmo 

Yup, her saying all this is making me not even want to be her friend even more. I’m going to tell her that. She really said I was actively trying to hurt her. I don’t have the time for that. 

[basil67]

But given all that you've written here, both calling your friendship with her toxic and wanting to dump her as a friend, it's entirely reasonable that she would think that tweet was about her and that you were trying to hurt her.   

Do you really think that putting such a tweet into cyberspace would have no impact on yourself or others?

[faithandfood]

7 hours ago, basil67 said:

But given all that you've written here, both calling your friendship with her toxic and wanting to dump her as a friend, it's entirely reasonable that she would think that tweet was about her and that you were trying to hurt her.   

Do you really think that putting such a tweet into cyberspace would have no impact on yourself or others?

It’s still an assumption and she was toxic to me so it’s matter of guilt. If the shoe fits, it fits. I could have said her name. I’ve been tweeting for nine years. People tweet worse things. Plus I’m an adult. She would tweet things like “I’m only going where I’m wanted” or “I’m losing friends and making friends at the same rate” before this exchange. Those are equally impactful as well. I have a right to tweet what I want.

I’ve never mentioned to her face she was toxic. She would sometimes tell me that she’s toxic just like randomly, which I would make no comment to and overlook. I’ve overlooked a lot.

Edited November 16, 2020 by faithandfood

[DarrenB]

With all due respect @faithandfood, you talk about being an adult but you're voluntarily including yourself in online/social media drama through direct/indirect tweeting of other people - I'd be expecting that from a young teenager, not someone who claims to be an adult.

At this point it appears you're both just as bad as each other. 

[faithandfood]

22 minutes ago, DarrenB said:

With all due respect @faithandfood, you talk about being an adult but you're voluntarily including yourself in online/social media drama through direct/indirect tweeting of other people - I'd be expecting that from a young teenager, not someone who claims to be an adult.

At this point it appears you're both just as bad as each other. 

Lol. All I said is I’m done with toxic friendships and relationships. Please tell me where I indirectly said someone’s name. Please point me to it. Should I send you a transcript of my tweets? 

I could care less what you think as you don’t know me personally or my history. Keep your opinion.

Edited November 16, 2020 by faithandfood

[DarrenB]

2 hours ago, faithandfood said:

Lol. All I said is I’m done with toxic friendships and relationships. Please tell me where I indirectly said someone’s name. Please point me to it. Should I send you a transcript of my tweets? 

I could care less what you think as you don’t know me personally or my history. Keep your opinion.

Perhaps your downfall is not accepting constructive criticism and coming across a little passive-aggressive. 

You've come to a forum where you've seeked constant advice on a friendship related matter, advice of which people provide on an opinionated and personal basis. 

Anyway, best of luck on your 'friendship' and all the best going forward  

[faithandfood]

52 minutes ago, DarrenB said:

Perhaps your downfall is not accepting constructive criticism and coming across a little passive-aggressive. 

You've come to a forum where you've seeked constant advice on a friendship related matter, advice of which people provide on an opinionated and personal basis. 

Anyway, best of luck on your 'friendship' and all the best going forward  

Likewise!

[basil67]

7 hours ago, faithandfood said:

It’s still an assumption and she was toxic to me so it’s matter of guilt. If the shoe fits, it fits. I could have said her name. I’ve been tweeting for nine years. People tweet worse things. Plus I’m an adult. She would tweet things like “I’m only going where I’m wanted” or “I’m losing friends and making friends at the same rate” before this exchange. Those are equally impactful as well. I have a right to tweet what I want.

It would appear that the problem has arisen because both of you are too much like the other.   You're both passive aggressive tweeting and you are both churning through friends and calling people toxic etc.   There's way too much drama.   

I think it's wise to end the friendship.  But I would suggest you have a look at your half of the negative contribution to the toxic relationships you find yourself in.   And while it's absolutely your right to Tweet whatever you want, consider why you tweet passive aggressive things.  Is it attention seeking?  Sympathy seeking?   Because if it was simply about getting things off your chest, you could be discreet with how you manage your writing.    I'm not writing this to pick on you - rather, to help you reduce how you're contributing to toxicity in your your own life.

[Pumaza]

Dont know your age.But if being bff gos natural and years of knowing the person before trusting them. 

Two years to short to trow it all out there.

A real freind have time or make time.

She clearly not into you as freind.Dont waste your time.Block delete. Many amazing other people out there that is worth your time.