LeniA Posted October 31, 2020 Share Posted October 31, 2020 My ex husband I divorced in January wants me back.All we had were problems in the last 2 years of our 5 year marriage and I don't want him back.The last 2 years in our marriage,all we did was fight and argue with no physical abuse.There were a couple times he did verbally abuse me,apologized to me for doing it and forgave him.I fear it will happen again even with the verbal abuse,don't want him in my life.He came up to my place last night making a plea to get back with me.I told him no telling him to leave and shut the door which I ended up calling the police out.He would not leave,cop that came out told him to leave or he was going to be arrested for trespassing.I don't want him back in my life anymore,considering a restraining order against him next.Luckily my future step dad is a lawyer and an expert on this,called him yesterday asking for his advise on it.One thing he mentioned is file for a restraining order.My ex is not and will not listening,leave me alone! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 31, 2020 Share Posted October 31, 2020 If you don't want your EX back & he's making a pest of himself, do speak to your mother's BF/FI & create the best plan for yourself. You don't need us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeniA Posted October 31, 2020 Author Share Posted October 31, 2020 (edited) 9 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: If you don't want your EX back & he's making a pest of himself, do speak to your mother's BF/FI & create the best plan for yourself. You don't need us. Going to sit down with him on this on Monday.I am prepared too,carry a hand gun since I have a concealed weapons permit Edited October 31, 2020 by LeniA Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 31, 2020 Share Posted October 31, 2020 Carrying an hand gun is not the answer. You want him to go away. There is no need to murder him. You said he was at your door begging for you to take him back, not threatening to harm you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 31, 2020 Share Posted October 31, 2020 2 hours ago, LeniA said: Going to sit down with him on this on Monday.I am prepared too,carry a hand gun since I have a concealed weapons permit If you don't want him back don't have a "sit down" with him. Why? Especially if you have to take a gun with you. What is the point of the talk if you don't want him back? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted October 31, 2020 Share Posted October 31, 2020 Never see him unless a third party is present. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeniA Posted October 31, 2020 Author Share Posted October 31, 2020 51 minutes ago, stillafool said: If you don't want him back don't have a "sit down" with him. Why? Especially if you have to take a gun with you. What is the point of the talk if you don't want him back? He put me through too much,I know he will verbally abusive to me 3 hours ago, d0nnivain said: Carrying an hand gun is not the answer. You want him to go away. There is no need to murder him. You said he was at your door begging for you to take him back, not threatening to harm you. Mom's fiance has told me not use my gun unless he is going to harm or threaten me Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 31, 2020 Share Posted October 31, 2020 3 hours ago, LeniA said: Going to sit down with him on this on Monday.I am prepared too,carry a hand gun since I have a concealed weapons permit That gun doesn't mean anything except an express ticket to being in prison for murder/manslaughter. Put it away if you're going to talk to him, which you shouldn't without your FIL sitting by your side and the process servers there to serve your stbx the restraining order. All they have to do is get your computer and find these posts by you and turn manslaughter into premeditated murder because you're saying "I am prepared, too". The prosecutor will twist that so fast it'll make your head spin. When does the divorce go through? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 31, 2020 Share Posted October 31, 2020 4 minutes ago, LeniA said: He put me through too much,I know he will verbally abusive to me Mom's fiance has told me not use my gun unless he is going to harm or threaten me Verbally abusing you does NOT justify shooting him. Skip this meeting. It's a horrible idea. You don't want him back so don't talk to him. It's really that simple. You are already divorced. There is nothing left to talk about. You are just going to be upset. Not worth it. You won't be thinking straight which means you have zero business carrying a loaded gun, permit or not. Your frame of mind will be too off. You will be on a hair trigger. This is a tragic felony waiting to happen. Pay your mother's BF / FI to go to this meeting in your stead & repeat that you want to be left alone. If you are foolish enough to go to this bad idea of a meeting & you bring a loaded gun, you could face charges for murder if it all goes wrong. Ask your lawyer if you don't believe me, but bringing a gun is pre-mediation. If you truly need it "for protection" DON'T GO TO THE F'ING MEETING!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeniA Posted October 31, 2020 Author Share Posted October 31, 2020 18 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Verbally abusing you does NOT justify shooting him. Skip this meeting. It's a horrible idea. You don't want him back so don't talk to him. It's really that simple. You are already divorced. There is nothing left to talk about. You are just going to be upset. Not worth it. You won't be thinking straight which means you have zero business carrying a loaded gun, permit or not. Your frame of mind will be too off. You will be on a hair trigger. This is a tragic felony waiting to happen. Pay your mother's BF / FI to go to this meeting in your stead & repeat that you want to be left alone. If you are foolish enough to go to this bad idea of a meeting & you bring a loaded gun, you could face charges for murder if it all goes wrong. Ask your lawyer if you don't believe me, but bringing a gun is pre-mediation. If you truly need it "for protection" DON'T GO TO THE F'ING MEETING!!!!!!!!!! I am not going to meet up with him at all 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeniA Posted October 31, 2020 Author Share Posted October 31, 2020 24 minutes ago, kendahke said: That gun doesn't mean anything except an express ticket to being in prison for murder/manslaughter. Put it away if you're going to talk to him, which you shouldn't without your FIL sitting by your side and the process servers there to serve your stbx the restraining order. All they have to do is get your computer and find these posts by you and turn manslaughter into premeditated murder because you're saying "I am prepared, too". The prosecutor will twist that so fast it'll make your head spin. When does the divorce go through? The divorce was final in March Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 31, 2020 Share Posted October 31, 2020 Why did you invite him over? Or if he invited himself, why did you say yes? That was completely self-destructive right there. Now, verbally abusive people can be physically abusive or not. Is there a threat of physical abuse here? I didn't get that. I couldn't tell if he wouldn't leave because he was desperate, lost and needy, or if he wouldn't leave because he was potentially violent and controlling? This is a no-brainer. Do not return any calls. Do not talk to him at all. You cannot break this shutout. You cannot reason with him. Fight any temptation to talk to him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeniA Posted October 31, 2020 Author Share Posted October 31, 2020 52 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Why did you invite him over? Or if he invited himself, why did you say yes? That was completely self-destructive right there. Now, verbally abusive people can be physically abusive or not. Is there a threat of physical abuse here? I didn't get that. I couldn't tell if he wouldn't leave because he was desperate, lost and needy, or if he wouldn't leave because he was potentially violent and controlling? This is a no-brainer. Do not return any calls. Do not talk to him at all. You cannot break this shutout. You cannot reason with him. Fight any temptation to talk to him again. He came over Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 31, 2020 Share Posted October 31, 2020 Since he's proven to be persistent, IMO if he doesn't take the cop's well intentioned advice to heart, get a TRO and see what happens with no other changes. If he hasn't presented a violent presence where you fear for your life I'd holster the new gun owner idea for now. Keep things clean. Find another place to live and change contact information and cease any contact from your side. I've been divorced so understand some of the emotional process from the man's side. He'll get over it eventually. Better that you both can stay vertical and breathing and both move on as millions of others do after divorce each year. It'll work out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 31, 2020 Share Posted October 31, 2020 5 hours ago, LeniA said: One thing he mentioned is file for a restraining order. Do this. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 31, 2020 Share Posted October 31, 2020 Oh, he just came over--without announcing ahead of time? Oh my. Has he called you since he left? I am thinking you'll want to prepare a restraining order, but you don't have to file it right away. Question again: did you feel a threat of violence? He sounds (from a distance, I know) as extremely needy and desperate as opposed to threatening. But I'm not a woman and I'm not you, and I wasn't there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeniA Posted October 31, 2020 Author Share Posted October 31, 2020 56 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Oh, he just came over--without announcing ahead of time? Oh my. Has he called you since he left? I am thinking you'll want to prepare a restraining order, but you don't have to file it right away. Question again: did you feel a threat of violence? He sounds (from a distance, I know) as extremely needy and desperate as opposed to threatening. But I'm not a woman and I'm not you, and I wasn't there. Has not called me,I changed my number after the divorce was final.He was not threatening me at all.Has not come back ever since 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JohnKyle Posted November 1, 2020 Share Posted November 1, 2020 Both parties need to be agreed in this case. If you want then you can back to your ex husband again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 1, 2020 Share Posted November 1, 2020 22 hours ago, LeniA said: I am not going to meet up with him at all Excellent! Be safe & just stay away from him. If he comes back, call the cops then file the restraining order. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 On 10/31/2020 at 4:27 PM, LeniA said: Has not called me,I changed my number after the divorce was final.He was not threatening me at all.Has not come back ever since Then, why would you need the gun. It seems he's staying away. Link to post Share on other sites
Datergirl Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 Only answer the door if you know who it is. Ask your family and friends to call first if they are coming by then you will know who is at the door. Just don't answer the door! If he persists in knocking call the police. Tell them someone is pounding on your door that won't go away and you are scared. He'll soon stop knocking. Link to post Share on other sites
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