Trying to get an abuser out my house

[FionasMom]

Hello and thank you for reading :)

I’m not being abused,  but I believe my niece is.  My 42 yr old niece has been living in my basement a few years now.  She brought her boyfriend to stay here for “a few months” because the place he lived in was sold.  I wasn’t crazy about the idea, but I did it for her.  Three years later, he’s still here.  They always argued over the years, but several months ago they had a war that lasted two days.  Screaming, cursing, it spilled into the street.  It was so messy.  She believes he’s cheating and she said “He’s done such horrible things to me, you’d be sick”.    Poor girl was hysterical.  He told her he didn’t love her...she’s ugly, etc.  He played victim and said she’s nuts.  I told her he has to go.  She agreed. I told her to set a move out date or I will.   They kept a pretty quiet profile, until this week.  The screaming starts in the morning before work about 5:30 am.  Then picks up in the evening.   It has been going on all week, until it erupted in another war last night.  But this time, family was over and witnessed this mess.  I stepped in to break it up. Again she eluded to the horrible things he’s done, said she took pics of the bruises.   I heard him whisper something evil to her, and you know that feeling when you just “wake up”?   Suddenly everything became clear to me.  I told him to pack his stuff and go now.  He said he has no place to go.  I said that’s not my problem.  You being here is hurting her and she’s my niece.  So you go.    Would you believe she’s still protecting him?   She asked me to give him three months to get on his feet.  Begged me while crying.  I said no.   She offered to leave.   So he could stay in my house????   I said no.  She said if I put him out, she will hurt herself.   
 

what am I supposed to do here?   This is my house and I don’t want this. You tell me that this relationship is hurting you, suggest you’re getting hit, then expect me not to kick him out?   Then you suggest leaving instead, so he’s my problem?   Why is she protecting someone that hurts her & doesn’t love her?   I’m scared.  I need this corrected straight away.  Whatever choice I make has bad consequences.  If I let him stay, the abuse continues.   I don’t want to come home one day to police or an ambulance.  If I kick him out, she hurts herself.  I am so scared...

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Set the proper example you should have set years ago.

 

 

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, FionasMom said:

.  My 42 yr old niece has been living in my basement a few years now.   Screaming, cursing, it spilled into the street.  The screaming starts in the morning before work about 5:30 am.    

This is a police matter and it's unclear why you didn't/won't call the police when you know someone is being assaulted in your house.

It's astounding that the neighbors or family haven't called the police from the domestic disturbance and that no one is willing to call the police on her behalf to protect her.

[Watercolors]

If you won't get the police involved then you need to evict your niece. Sorry but that is the most logical response to your problem. Your niece and her boyfriend will stay in your basement as long as you don't do anything to remove either of them. She is 42 years old. She can go live in a shelter if she has to. Or, she can live in her car with her boyfriend. Or, she can move in with a friend or a halfway house. Or a motel. She has plenty of other housing options. She's in your basement because you are a kind aunt. But, you're also enabling her by allowing her to live there and create this chaos in your life that you don't need.

Kick your niece out. Tell her she and her boyfriend have 30 days by law to find another place. And then, call the county to enforce her eviction at 30 days. They can send out a police officer to escort your niece and her boyfriend out.

[basil67]

Evict the guy.  If your niece threatens to hurt herself, call the police for a welfare check and have them take her to hospital. 

[LynneVicious]

6 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Evict the guy.  If your niece threatens to hurt herself, call the police for a welfare check and have them take her to hospital. 

^^^this

[Ruby Slippers]

Kick him out. She's an adult and you can't stop her from making stupid decisions. But you can and should keep dangerous people out of your home.

[Ellener]

On 11/2/2020 at 8:57 PM, Ruby Slippers said:

Kick him out. She's an adult and you can't stop her from making stupid decisions. But you can and should keep dangerous people out of your home.

Back in 2004 I got home from a trip and my then husband put his hands around my neck. I put him out the next day. It can be done. It seems you got tangled up in her life and affairs, but you should probably cut her loose if she won't take responsibility for herself. I'm sorry this is happening to you though. 

[stillafool]

First of all your niece is not a girl but a middle aged woman.  If she wants to continue with this man give them both a move out date.  It isn't your job to protect her that is what the police are for.

Edited November 4, 2020 by stillafool

[BaileyB]

Another who says you need to call the police. Send him backing and if she chooses to go with him, that is her choice... she is a grown woman. Unfortunately, you can not prevent her from staying with her abuser. But, you can call the police, file a protection order, and change the locks. 

[d0nnivain]

Kick him out. Watch her like a hawk.  If she does or says anything about self harm have her involuntarily committed to a hospital for 72 hours.  Find a good domestic abuse counselor / social worker / therapist to help you.  

Edited December 6, 2020 by d0nnivain