Friend keeps staring at my girlfriend. How should I handle this?

[Jrez]

Been with my girlfriend for 4 years. Both in our mid thirties. We don’t live together but she comes to my house often. I also go to hers too sometimes. However I do have my buddies over sometimes. One of my friends keeps staring at my girlfriend. When she came to the kitchen to get some water he stared at her the whole time until she went back in the bed room. She wasn’t wearing anything sexual, just regular pajamas.

This same friend also tried to inbox one of our other friends child’s mother on Facebook saying “good morning beautiful”. My other friend child mother told my friend about it but he never confronted him on it. Said he didn’t feel like going through the drama. This was about 10 years ago. This is a whole another story though. Him and that friend is less close than me and him though. 


Anyway I said something to him about it months ago and we got into in argument. He claimed that he was lookin at her. My girlfriend doesn’t have any social media though. I told my girlfriend about it and told
her maybe it’s best if she just stays in the bedroom when a bunch of my buddies is over. She suggested I come to her house. She likes to be at my house though cause I live close to a shopping area. 


This friend doesn’t come around as often but I’m still
Upset about the fact he stared at my gf the whole time she was in the kitchen. I asked her if she looked back at him and she said no. I also asked if he ever said anything to her before outside or anything. She said no. I’m just uncomfortable with him staring at my gf. How should I handle this? What would you do if it’s your friend staring at your girlfriend/boyfriend?

[Wiseman2]

Don't invite your GF over when you have a houseful of horndog friends around. It's ridiculous to expect her to hide in your house, so your horndog pals won't see her 

[Foxhall]

You have to be able to let your friend know in a friendly way that your not happy,

"hey buddy its bad manners to stare like that", "eyes off my girl buddy"

there is a certain skill in it being able to say it in a way without getting too worked up or getting angry.

Why are you hesitant to bring it up with your pals?

Are you quiet just or afraid to rock the boat,

get out of that habit buddy, being too quiet gets you nowhere and lends itself to being walked on especially by mates

[ShyViolet]

Telling your gf to hide in the bedroom when your friends are over?  That's kind of ridiculous.  She doesn't even live with you, so why are you inviting your gf over when you invite your friends over anyway?  Just don't invite your gf over at the same time as inviting your friends over.  Maybe keep them separate.

[Fletch Lives]

Well at least ya know he's not gay!

I can understand how that would make you jelous. 

If it helps any, if she loves you, it does not matter how much he stares at her, she's still only yours.

In light of this, some really secure guys might see it as a compliment....but that's rare, most would be jelous, I understand.
 

[d0nnivain]

12 hours ago, Jrez said:

 How should I handle this? What would you do if it’s your friend staring at your girlfriend/boyfriend?

If you told your friend to stop blatantly staring at your GF & an argument ensued, I'd drop the friend.   A good friend may be caught off guard & become defensive but would at least make a conscious effort to stop.  

If you insist on keeping the friendship, have your GF be elsewhere when your buddy is around.  Knowing what a creep he is, she should not have been in your kitchen in only PJs.  If there were people at the house, she needed to not come out of the bedroom until she was fully clothed.  

[Acacia98]

12 hours ago, Jrez said:

What would you do if it’s your friend staring at your girlfriend/boyfriend?

Well, for one, I'd stop referring to this person as a friend. And I sure as heck wouldn't be inviting them to my home.

Frankly speaking, he sounds like a potential predator to me, and my first instinct (if I were his friend) would be to shield any women in my life from him.

Edited November 2, 2020 by Acacia98

[SumGuy]

13 hours ago, Jrez said:

...I’m just uncomfortable with him staring at my gf. How should I handle this? What would you do if it’s your friend staring at your girlfriend/boyfriend?

Understandable.  First I would not put this on your girlfriend.  Asking her to stay in the bedroom while your friends are over is a dick move. 

A big, big strike against you in my book if I was her as it is asking her to take responsibility for his creepy actions towards her....you are making the "victim" take responsibility here, why are you "controlling" your gf to cover for him?  Seriously, if I was her I would be thinking if I should break up with you because instead of standing up to your friend you throw her under the bus and make it her problem, and it says you value your creepy friend more than her.

How would I handle it?  If this is the first issue with this supposed friend would talk to him and tell him to cut it out, it's creepy and disrespectful, of her, your house, and you.  If he did it again (or tried to get in my face about it) he never gets invited over ever again, period.  If friends bring him by turn him away.   Frankly, I'd also work to cut him out of my life completely. 

This would not be a problem in my life as my friends would agree with me this behavior is unacceptable.  In fact I had a friend who went through something similar and we all had his back when cutting out the guy who, while fun to be around and known for years, couldn't stop from hitting on his GF after some drinks.  We don't enable creeps, he had his chance (two actually) three strikes you are out. 

Edited November 2, 2020 by SumGuy

[stillafool]

Unfortunately this is the down side to having a hot gf.  Some guys actually enjoy other guys drooling over their gfs.  I don't blame you for being pissed at that guy.  How disrespectful.

[major_merrick]

Well, it sounds like it makes YOU uncomfortable, rather than your GF.  As such, it is up to you to solve the problem.  You can disinvite this one particular person.  You can avoid inviting your friends over when you have your GF around.  Or you can let it go. 

It is, indeed, one downside to having a hot GF.  My GF#1 either enjoys being provocative or is totally unaware....I've learned that people are gonna look. 

[smackie9]

It's immature and disrespectful. Kick this friend to the curb. Only keep friends that have some decency/manners. ya I get it people are going to look, but not at someones wife/GF in their own home.....gross.

Edited November 4, 2020 by smackie9

[Pumaza]

He preying on her probably. Gross.

You need to go hard on people like that. Stop inviting him. hes a perv. Looks like he ok doing stuff like that. Dont invite him ever. And let your gf walk when she wants,where she wants. 

[Cookiesandough]

Only way to handle it without looking like a psycho is to ignore it until it escalates. It’s not against the law to look. If it was there be a lot of people in trouble

Edited November 7, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[smackie9]

16 hours ago, Pumaza said:

He preying on her probably. Gross.

You need to go hard on people like that. Stop inviting him. hes a perv. Looks like he ok doing stuff like that. Dont invite him ever. And let your gf walk when she wants,where she wants. 

I agree, stop making this your GF being the problem by suggesting she doesn't come around. The solution is to ditch this friend.