Struggling every single day, I need guidance.

[Positiveone]

I am 26 years old (male) she is 23 years old (female) We were together for 2-1/2 years...  She broke up with me 2+ weeks ago and I begged for her to continue to try and work on things, She claimed that we have tried enough and I cannot give her the love and affection she needs. She said we have different love languages. Her unwillingness to continue to try and work what is needed has completely paralyzed me and I feel entirely lost. I cant eat, sleep or stop thinking about this situation she seems like a completely different person now. I am now in NoContact as of 2 days ago after trying to convince her to meet with me to talk about things.

I'm devastated and I need intervention. Please help me.

 

 

Edited November 2, 2020 by Positiveone

[d0nnivain]

The end of a relationship is painful but not fatal.  Everyone who has ever had their heart broken felt exactly the way you do right now.   It's good that you have gone NC.  That will help you heal.  Just make sure you have disconnected from her on social media too.  You don't nee a front row seat to her next relationship.  

Grieve the loss. Then pull yourself together.  Get rid of all the mementos & photos.  If you can't bring yourself to throw everything out, save the photos to a flash drive.  Put the drive & all the other stuff in a box.  Tape the box shut like a madman with OCD.  Make it really hard to reopen.   Then stuff it the attic; better yet the attic at your parents' house so it's hard to get at.  

Get some exercise / movement every day, especially when you don't feel like it.  Exercise raises endorphins to make you feel better & elevate your mood.  

Surround yourself with supportive friends & family. 

Take some time to reflect & learn from the mistakes.   If she has a point with the love languages think about that so that in your next relationship, you can give your partner what she needs.   I had to explain to my husband that even if he doesn't understand sometimes when I'm upset I just need him to hug me.  He remains befuddled as to why that works but is happy to have something to do when I'm upset so he hugs me.  

You will get through this in time. 

Hang in there. 

[Positiveone]

I feel the need to show her I can do this but she says "we've already tried, we've had these conversations but cant practice it in daily life" I WANT to give her this and I want to show her I CAN do this but I'm not being given this chance. This is heartbreaking and I don't know what to do. I've exhaused all options as to try and convince her..

Do I remain in No Contact? I feel that nothing I say is helping.. shes not in a place to hear my words

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Positiveone said:

I am 26 years old (male) she is 23 years old (female) We were together for 2-1/2 years... 

She claimed that we have tried enough and I cannot give her the love and affection she needs. She said we have different love languages.

Sorry to hear this. What does she mean by "can't give her love and affection"? . Give her a lot of space, do not chase. 

[Positiveone]

She wanted more hugs, more words of affirmation, I feel as though I am this way but I struggled with giving it to her to the degree she wanted it. I want to be able to give her this but shes unwilling to meet and discuss. We talked several times and even went through a 2 different week long "breaks".

I feel we really could have gotten through this one, I will not chase and I will give space.

[Ellener]

7 minutes ago, Positiveone said:

She wanted more hugs, more words of affirmation, I feel as though I am this way but I struggled with giving it to her to the degree she wanted it. I want to be able to give her this but shes unwilling to meet and discuss. We talked several times and even went through a 2 different week long "breaks".

I feel we really could have gotten through this one, I will not chase and I will give space.

She doesn't deserve you and you just move on and find someone who does.

Edited November 2, 2020 by Ellener
spelling

[d0nnivain]

1 hour ago, Positiveone said:

Do I remain in No Contact? I feel that nothing I say is helping.. shes not in a place to hear my words

You can't convince her at this point.  She's done.   Nothing you can say will get through.  

You have to leave her be & concentrate on yourself.  Focus on your own healing & growing.  What have you learned from this?  How would you be different in your next relationship?  Yes, there will be a next relationship, in time, when you are ready after you have healed from this.   If you were already giving her what she asked for -- more hugs & words of affirmation -- but she still wanted more perhaps think about whether she would ever be satisfied.  If the answer is no, make peace with the fact that you couldn't fix this no matter what.  

[TeddyBundy1993]

Sounds like shes done. And you should stop contacting her and stop begging pleading. The more you do that the more she loses respect for you.  Most of us have discovered this place because we were broken and looking for some guidance so be sure we all have been there, its gonna hurt for a while now. Until you accept it yourself that's where healing begins.  Her reasons to part ways can be real or she might be faking. But shes living without you now, and apparently she's in no pain. Be sure this was planned. And she appears the way she is right is because she was done with a long ago.  I m sorry for your loss,  it hurts and so does life. Nothing stays forever,  partners too! Adjust in a life without her you'll be fine and normal once again 

[ExpatInItaly]

11 hours ago, Positiveone said:

She wanted more hugs, more words of affirmation, I feel as though I am this way but I struggled with giving it to her to the degree she wanted it. I want to be able to give her this but shes unwilling to meet and discuss. We talked several times and even went through a 2 different week long "breaks".

I feel we really could have gotten through this one, I will not chase and I will give space.

The problem is that when someone doesn't have those feelings anymore, there is really nothing more we can do. They don't want to get through it any longer, in other words. 

It hurts but the biggest gift you can (slowly) give yourself is acceptance that this wasn't the one for you. 

[lee179108]

On 11/2/2020 at 6:14 PM, Positiveone said:

I am 26 years old (male) she is 23 years old (female) We were together for 2-1/2 years...  She broke up with me 2+ weeks ago and I begged for her to continue to try and work on things, She claimed that we have tried enough and I cannot give her the love and affection she needs. She said we have different love languages. Her unwillingness to continue to try and work what is needed has completely paralyzed me and I feel entirely lost. I cant eat, sleep or stop thinking about this situation she seems like a completely different person now. I am now in NoContact as of 2 days ago after trying to convince her to meet with me to talk about things.

I'm devastated and I need intervention. Please help me.

 

 

If you've explained to her that you realise why you havent been doing these things and are willing to prove to her that you can then theres nothing more you can do but wait..  you need to tell her to trust you on this and get her to give you one chance. But dont beg, you also need to give her space and keep yourself busy. Time will reveal weather she wants to give you a chance or not.. if she doesnt then shes not the right one.. because that one person who is truly connected to you will find a way to figure tough situations out and work with you. Dont argue with her, try and be civil and go no contact. No contact benefits in many ways.. you get to find out if she will miss you and come back and if she does then great, but if not then it gives you the chance to focus on yourself and find someone you're more suited to.   I went through a breakup myself this year and it was tough, i like you wasnt eating or sleeping and i felt so bad when she told me she didnt feel anything for me and ended up on a dating app...   things that helped me was talking to different friends, watching tv shows, treating myself from time to time, hitting the gym.. sure i miss her but its getting easier now as Ive accepted that I just got to carry on with life.  Remove her from social media, or at least mute her so you dont see anything..  then you can delete her number so you dont message her.. if she wants to contact you then she will find a way. 

[Positiveone]

On 11/10/2020 at 7:31 PM, lee179108 said:

If you've explained to her that you realise why you havent been doing these things and are willing to prove to her that you can then theres nothing more you can do but wait..  you need to tell her to trust you on this and get her to give you one chance. But dont beg, you also need to give her space and keep yourself busy. Time will reveal weather she wants to give you a chance or not.. if she doesnt then shes not the right one.. because that one person who is truly connected to you will find a way to figure tough situations out and work with you. Dont argue with her, try and be civil and go no contact. No contact benefits in many ways.. you get to find out if she will miss you and come back and if she does then great, but if not then it gives you the chance to focus on yourself and find someone you're more suited to.   I went through a breakup myself this year and it was tough, i like you wasnt eating or sleeping and i felt so bad when she told me she didnt feel anything for me and ended up on a dating app...   things that helped me was talking to different friends, watching tv shows, treating myself from time to time, hitting the gym.. sure i miss her but its getting easier now as Ive accepted that I just got to carry on with life.  Remove her from social media, or at least mute her so you dont see anything..  then you can delete her number so you dont message her.. if she wants to contact you then she will find a way. 

I said 

"I’m upset with the outcome of this situation, I really do feel like I can give you the love and affection that you need. I love you enough to support your decision. If you reconsider please reach out to me so I can reveal to you what I’ve learned. Love you"

She said " thank you for understanding"

 

while I didn’t verbatim say “give me a chance and trust me on this” I did in so many words right? 
 

after this I reached out to her dad which I should not have done, got the same response pretty much “she loves me, doesn’t want me to hurt anymore but doesn’t see a future with me” 

I’ve been in no contact for over 3 weeks now.. and I “soft broke” no contact by reaching out to her dad 2 weeks ago. 
 

NC from here on out 

Edited November 25, 2020 by Positiveone

[lee179108]

11 hours ago, Positiveone said:

I said 

"I’m upset with the outcome of this situation, I really do feel like I can give you the love and affection that you need. I love you enough to support your decision. If you reconsider please reach out to me so I can reveal to you what I’ve learned. Love you"

She said " thank you for understanding"

 

while I didn’t verbatim say “give me a chance and trust me on this” I did in so many words right? 
 

after this I reached out to her dad which I should not have done, got the same response pretty much “she loves me, doesn’t want me to hurt anymore but doesn’t see a future with me” 

I’ve been in no contact for over 3 weeks now.. and I “soft broke” no contact by reaching out to her dad 2 weeks ago. 
 

NC from here on out 

Yes what you said was fine... but dont reach out to family and just leave it be now. When I saw mine on tinder over a month ago I went angry, considering she told me she wanted to be single.. so I messaged her and called her on it and she said she has no feelings for me now, im a great guy but we aint soulmates. She said all this the first time we broke up and came back after 2 months. So I guess since I broke no contact ive started it again from say 4 weeks ago... obviously this covid situation doesn't help. But yeah I stupidly want her to reach out to me and want her to miss me. I dont think she will.. but if she wants to then she has my email and address.. she deleted my number but who knows if she stored it somewhere or knows it in her head.  I still find it tough, think about her everyday and miss her..  I hope that goes away and I find someone who wouldn't dare treat me like she has. In your situation which could be similar.. you just got to stay quiet now as you've told her what you want and what you're willing to do. If she doesnt come back to that then you have to carry on with life. I know its hard and mentally draining.. im there myself.. but there's nothing else we can do and we may just look back at all of this and laugh at it all. What I've been trying to do is just play with friends on the ps5, go to the gym, trying to eat well but I think after Xmas that motivation will get even better! Watch TV and treat myself to nice clothes etc and improve my appearance. I've had a couple dates but nothing materialised... but let's hang in there and be patient.