major_merrick Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 My sister has been in prison since January. COVID showed up right after that, so between pregnancy and restrictions I haven't been able to visit her. We talk on the phone occasionally, and I write her frequently. I'd like to visit her before I get farther into the pregnancy I've just started, and before there's another wave of COVID. My husband, is not happy about that, because of the nature of the crime. She drugged me and tried to sexually assault me (I had a big thread on that about that a year ago). I mostly blame our upbringing for her actions, and I wish she hadn't been sent to prison. While I don't trust her, I also don't want to cut her out of my life. I haven't figured out when/how I want to visit. The women's prison is over 4 hours away, so it would be an all-day trip. My husband tells me not to waste my time and energy on her. And then, there's the girlfriend issue. As usual, my sister has latched onto an older woman to take care of her. So I'm not sure how my visit will affect her life inside as I've never met her cellmate/GF. I don't really approve of her relationship, and I don't want that to be a source of conflict. She still has 2 years left in there before being eligible for parole. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 I remember your thread about that. I'm with your husband on this one, great that you have it within you to forgive and understand, but you don't owe your sister anything and with the COVID threat still so prevalent I'd put your baby's safety ahead of your sister's need for support. Given that you don't approve of her relationship would it not be better to just keep writing and 'phoning? Two years isn't a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 ah that is nice that you still wish to see her. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 For goodness sake, when are you going to wake up to your situation. What the hell is going on in your compound? @major_merrick You are asking for intervention, what can I do to help? Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted November 4, 2020 Author Share Posted November 4, 2020 @Ellener I don't live in a "compound".... My family is large, but that isn't exactly uncommon in the rural area where I live. Think more along the lines of "sprawling redneck farm" and not "concrete blocks and razor wire." Compound life would be more like the commune I lived at many years ago, with a bunch of unrelated people sharing space as part of some social/political "cause." My sister hasn't lived with me for many, many years. I raised her, but she went her own way. She's also non-religious. She used to live in the city near me, and the incident last year happened while I was away from my family and visiting her at her apartment. Even my GFs who liked my sister a lot don't want me to have anything to do with her. But she's my only sibling and the only blood family I really have left, as my parents are both dead and so is my cousin. Obviously, I'd rather not have my sister around my kids at this point, but is it wrong for me to still care about her? I haven't seen her since January and its the longest we've been apart since she was born. 😟 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 Visiting her sounds like a horrible idea. First of all, "before there's another wave of covid"? We ARE in another wave of covid. Covid is very much still out there and the rates are going up now. You are pregnant which means you are higher risk. Why would you put yourself at risk like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 Dont know the story.But wowww, this is huge and not normal what she did.How old are you guys now?And when she tried to do this sick thing??! Dont blame upbring.She a adult she is responsible for her actions,Because as adult you know sure what is good or bad. Thinking about drugging and sex and with own famile....is a planned act! Its not like a""oops" mistake. You take time to plan and chose what drugs and when to do it etc.Sick. You are a victim.Her victim. Get therapy and see if u not getting in another victim position again by her.Or you really forgiveth her and tryna have a bound. Still have much more clear boundaries with her! Did you get any long therapy after that happen? Good that you forgiveth her,if it is so. But doesnt mean you have to be around her.Specially with a baby and tbe type of crime,she may trow hands on your kid to. That you talking to her is already alot. Listen to your hubby. And ask yourself if you gone true this the right way, or yoi just tryna forget supress it,so you can have a sister in your life. Did she show remorse or was it till she got jail time/arrested?? Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 I say “no” to visiting your sister since you are pregnant and there’s a pandemic. That’s fine that you want to maintain contact with her. Right now, your priority is your pregnancy and your health. If you get COVID, your baby’s health is in jeopardy. Prisons are not sanitary places. Don’t risk your baby’s health and well being because you miss seeing your sister. Doesn’t her prison do virtual prisoner visits? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 It's not wrong to try to maintain positive ties with family, even if they have behaved badly. It takes a lot of strength and courage to do that. It improved my life quite a bit when I finally fully forgave my dad for his many abuses, rose above it all, and approached him with love and firm boundaries in place. Nothing can change the many mistakes he made and continues to make. But I realized I didn't want him to leave this world with bad blood lingering between us, for my own peace of mind. I knew he didn't really have it in him to rise above it, go beyond it. But I did. If you want to go, go. I'd probably be inclined to wait until after the baby is born, so as to minimize risk of any complications. But it's your body, your choice, so you do what you need to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 put this idea on ice until your sis gets out in 2 years. but stay in contact with her by phone/letter/email Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 Just curious... Do you put money in her commissary account?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted November 6, 2020 Author Share Posted November 6, 2020 @PumazaI'm in my mid 30's, she's 10 yrs younger. The incident was one year ago, so she is definitely old enough to know better. I blame our mother, who got her "normalized" to a lot of bad stuff. My mother was sent to prison as a sex offender (and died there) if that tells you anything. My mother sold my "services" to her friends, and I think she did the same to my sister. I consider her as much of a victim as I am. She's constantly drawn to older women, and her current GF is no exception. @Happy Lemming I don't send her money. I have insisted that if she wants to buy stuff, she has to find a way to work for it. She's got some serious work ethic issues, usually finds a sugar mommy to take care of her. Link to post Share on other sites
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