Psycho ex still bugging me a year out. UPDATE: I think my ex moved in a couple streets over. when should I start worrying about this guy

[flitzanu]

now all i want to know is what your favorite video game is.

[Cookiesandough]

UPDATE

Last I was at UPS and I saw his SUV( could recognize the tacky thing a mile away) in the parking lot. So I rolled out like a bat out of hell. Then I ran into him at the grocery store. I saw him in an aisle went the other way and dodged. In about the scenarios I don’t think that he saw me… Or maybe that is just wishful thinking.

I talk to his ex several months ago and she said something about him moving into my neighborhood( a couple streets from my house). Jokes on him because I am actually living with my parents at the moment in about to move soon. Either my own place or with my new boyfriend. 

I have been more on alert than usual. It could just be paranoia, but I was with my dog in my backyard and I saw headlights in the alley, so I ran back inside (car headlights at night in the same spot he used to always drop me off  in the alley bc I didn’t want my parents to meet him).

This is a man who said that I could have our dog and then when he found out I was in a rship  (apparently) his friend, he  stole the dog from my backyard and lied about it to everyone.  I contacted the police and went through several big ordeals, but tags and chips had his address since I had been living there up until like 2 weeks before. But even the cops were like this guy is just trying to stay in your life and use the dog to get to you so don’t let him. He also followed my his ex friend and I everywgere and tried to get him “canceled” (they’re /performers) and people to kick me out of venues but it didn’t work 

 

He and some other exes have talked about driving by my parents house and came unannounced, which wasn’t cool when we were together... but now that we’re broken up me I’m just so creeped.
 

Every time something weird shows up in the mail I think it’s him. Any time  someone slowly drives by my parents house. Any time my dog barks hysterically at night near the big windows of my house.  Now I make sure if I go someplace in my little neighborhood (which is far from his downtown stomping grounds)  I look for his car.  Of course I never let my new corgi outside unattended because I don’t feel safe doing that and prob never will. I’m just wondering what steps I should take if this starts to become a serious problem? He creeps me out so much. He is pretty prominent in our community and I could out so much stuff about him... even though everyone always takes his side anyway . 

He never showed signs of this type of petty until after. I had no clue. I just want this to be over now. It’s been like 2+ years and I’m so over it 😞

Edited February 17, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Update

[poppyfields]

For what it's worth shortskirts, I can relate.

After my last long term ex and I broke up (and he got out of rehab), he stalked me.  Would sit in his car outside my apartment (the street over), and watch me.  He would then send me messages commenting about what he saw (another man with me, when the guy left, etc).  He would make sarcastic remarks about it. 

I recall one weekend staying with my brother in L.A., he left me a message asking me who my new guy was!  He apparently followed me to L.A.!!

He had no shame about letting me know he was stalking me. 

When we were together, he would say things like "if you ever left me, I'd still find you, you will never get away from me."  

In my obsessed state at the time (mutual obsession), I was flattered!  No judgments please lol, I now realize the error of my ways (thinking).

Anyway, fast forward five years later, I still feel creeped out no matter where I live or where I go thinking he's watching me.

I know he's moved on but it's like PTSD or something, I feel like him or someone is watching me at all times!  I leave my apartment and look around to see if I see his car, it's five years later!

Being stalked is the creepiest and scariest thing ever.  The silent stalkers are the worst.  

I am not sure what you can do, you can't very well have him arrested, you have no real proof and he's not threatening you.

Somehow you'll just have to find a way to cope, unfortunately.  With time it gets a bit better, but like I said, even now I still look for his car when I leave my home, and I have lived several places since then including with my recent ex.  I am now living in a new place and wonder if he knows.

I will never forget this words "if you ever left me, I'd still find you, you will never get away from me."  

Sorry to make this about me, just wanted you to know I can relate and how I handle it.  Good luck.

 

 

 

Edited February 18, 2021 by poppyfields

[basil67]

Is this the same guy where you stayed around dating a number of his mates?     If so, he's not going to be able to move on until you're out of his life.  This includes removing yourself from his friend group.   

 

[Cookiesandough]

Thank you so much,  Poppy. I am so sorry you went through that.😩. Yours is a lot worse than mine. I don’t think he would ever harm me physically, but yes he’d torment me.  And I’m not sure he wouldn’t steal my dog again, but at the same time the other dog was his too and he loved the dog... but still, what he did was wrong. 
And it is not what they will do but necessarily the terror that they inflict by you just thinking that they might. That is the worst part. Your own imagination. I don’t know if I am being irrational but when I have time on my hands I just worry about this dude showing up somewhere or doing something to my rep. 

I did get some advice and took some steps towards a petition. I don’t want to have to go through with anything, but I just want to have it in case. He contacted my new bf and went through his social media’s “laugh emojiing “ and liking and commenting on any posts related to me. 
 

I am lucky that I have never dealt with anyone so petty and unhinged as this before. I think his ego can’t handle that I dated his friend, but whatever, no regrets at all about any of it. Even though that rship ended harsh too, he was mature about it and I still respect him and think he’s cool to this day. 
 

Besides my dog, I’m afraid of him doing petty stuff. Awhile back he threw a drink on a guy I was with a fight started and he  got kicked out of the place. Such an idiot. 
 

Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent about this and possibly ask if it is worth a restraining order. You’re right he never really threatened me but I do want him to stay away. Far away. I’m so sorry that you went through what you did 😔

Edited February 19, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Cookiesandough]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Is this the same guy where you stayed around dating a number of his mates?     If so, he's not going to be able to move on until you're out of his life.  This includes removing yourself from his friend group.   

 

Yea it’s the same person. I am not dating anyone he knows anymore. I have a whole new friend group and my bf is part of my new friend group .

 

Disagree he had any right to stay in my life just because I was dating his friend . He can come show up to the same places we are at of course but he doesn’t have a right to throw a drink on someone or start $hit. Especially since even his friend told him to stay away from us and stopped being friend with him 

Edited February 19, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[basil67]

I thought so.   It's completely understandable that he's been so angry at you.   It's great that you've got a new friend group.  Have you unfriended every single person you and he know mutually?   

I didn't suggest that he had a right to be in your life.  I think he had a right to expect that the woman who dumped him would move on out of his life.   You know how you're feeling crazy because he won't get out of your life?  Well that how he would have felt when you wouldn't get out of his life and friends.

Edited February 19, 2021 by basil67

[basil67]

Anyway, taking the conversation back on track, the reason I asked if it was him and about the circumstances was so that you can look at your own behaviours and see what you're doing (if anything) to promote his ongoing anger.   To be clear, his actions of stalking you are NOT OK.  But his anger is at you completely understandable and before rushing to a restraining order, you first need to mitigate anything you're doing which may prolong his anger. 

You said that you have a whole different friend group now.  This is fantastic. 

Now, social media.  How does he know who your new boyfriend is?   What privacy settings do you need to change and who do you need to unfriend?  Are you still friends with anyone on social media who is mutual friends with him?

 

Edited February 19, 2021 by basil67

[poppyfields]

15 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Disagree he had any right to stay in my life just because I was dating his friend . He can come show up to the same places we are at of course but he doesn’t have a right to throw a drink on someone or start $hit. Especially since even his friend told him to stay away from us and stopped being friend with him 

Agree, but I think jealousy has the potential to make some people literally crazy.  Not an excuse or justification, just an explanation.

Also some men are overly territorial even after a break up.  Like with my ex, the one who stalked me, he literally felt like he owned me and that didn't go away just because we broke up.

When I began dating again, I made sure to stay clear of bars, clubs that I knew he frequented, and I kept a very low profile on socials.

Someone hacked into my FB account posting some crazy shyt and I'm pretty sure it was him, so eventually I just got rid and to this day, have no social media presence and I feel lots better and infinitely safer.

Not sure if you're willing to take it that far, but it may help, at least for awhile. 

 

 

Edited February 19, 2021 by poppyfields