No girlfriend lead to my depression

[HopelessNick]

I just want to share my story and am open to any advice.

I've always wanted to have a girlfriend, but have struggled, mainly due to my shyness in public and lack of social skills (I don't know how to socialise about "general" things as I don't know what to say. I do say funny one liners quite a bit though and people laugh.) I am also insecure about my voice when I talk loudly, so I speak in a very quiet voice and most of the time, people need me to repeat what I said.

That made me avoid social situations and made me stay at home a lot. As a result, I have become very distant with my friends.

By the way, I'm Asian who sees myself as a true blue Aussie, so I don't enjoy hanging out with Asians, mainly due to culture differences. I've never made a friend because I don't talk much, people make friends with me. I grew up in the big city surrounded by mainly Asians and didn't have many friends, but it was a different story as soon as I moved to a rural area for university (7 years ago) where I was the only Asian.

I had close friends in uni, but we've become very distant.

I then moved to another town for work (2 years ago), but I only know my colleagues because I don't go out to meet people. 

Anyway, then I stopped caring about my hygiene and hardly brush my teeth or shower.

Now I feel like I'm stuck in bed in front of the TV 24/7. I work from home as well do to COVID-19.

Every time I see a girl I find attractive on Tiktok who goes live, I try to socialise with them on their stream, but it makes me feel even more depressed. I can't help doing it even though it makes me feel sad.

Also, I do watch porn. Rarely watch for the actual sex, but for interviews and behind the scene stuff. I do spend a lot of time with it, but 90% of the time is actually looking for a video because it's hard to find.

What should I do? I don't want to see a therapist unless I absolutely have to.

Thanks in advance.

Edited November 3, 2020 by HopelessNick

[Chilli]

Do you like Asian women , maybe look for someone that's grown up the way you have that way there shouldn't be such cultural differences.

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

  I don't want to see a therapist unless I absolutely have to.

Unless you're ok with lying around all day neglecting yourself watching garbage videos, you need to get to a doctor for an evaluation of your moods and a referral to a therapist.

[HopelessNick]

1 hour ago, Chilli said:

Do you like Asian women , maybe look for someone that's grown up the way you have that way there shouldn't be such cultural differences.

They wouldn't be my preference haha

[Wiseman2]

Just now, HopelessNick said:

They wouldn't be my preference haha

You're not ready to date if you can't even get out of bed to shower.

[elaine567]

9 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

I had close friends in uni, but we've become very distant.

I then moved to another town for work (2 years ago), but I only know my colleagues because I don't go out to meet people

That is how it works, uni is  where there are lots of people who want to be your friend, or people who in reality need you to be their friend.
But once out in the world of work you need to work hard at either keeping your uni friends, or cultivating new batches of friends.
You have done neither.
Now you are depressed which has further socially isolated you.
Girls on Tiktok and in porn are not what you need.
You are using both to fill the void but they cannot do so , so you just get even more depressed... 
See a doctor, get some organisation into your life, wake up, smell the coffee, go for long walks, cycle rides.. and experience the world.
If you must go on the internet then seek out meditation and mindfulness videos.
Heal your soul and get motivated.
We only get one life, do not waste it on Tiktok girls and porn.

Go brush your teeth and buy some great shower gel...

[Trail Blazer]

Dude, you sure as hell are not going to pull any dates if you don't value hygene.  One of the biggest turn-offs for women is poor hygene, especially dental hygene.  

Unless you can find something from within to dig yourself out of this stupor, you may well need to seek some professional help.  Sitting around all day and feeling sorry for yourself is counter-intuitive to living a happy, successful life.

I have no solution to your struggles finding a date.  I'm not going to sugar coat it; you do most definitely have some challenges, some of which you cannot change.

Everyone, however, has the power to change their frame of mind, if they so desire.  Doing stuff that will give you more confidence, i.e. going to the gym, may give you that little pep which will start a chain reaction of positive self-thoughts.

Remember, though, there's no shame in asking for help if you need it.

[ZA Dater]

My advice as someone who dating wise and friend wise is a similar space is you need to pick yourself up and see the positives in life. Yes, everyday I feel lonely, everyday I carry regrets, everyday I wish I had done things differently, everyday I wish I was that social guy but I am not but what I can do is be the best version of this version of me.

You cannot align your own happiness with dating.

Looks after yourself because if you dont nobody else will.

 

Edited November 5, 2020 by ZA Dater

[dangerous]

On 11/4/2020 at 1:14 PM, Trail Blazer said:

Dude, you sure as hell are not going to pull any dates if you don't value hygene.  One of the biggest turn-offs for women is poor hygene, especially dental hygene.  

Unless you can find something from within to dig yourself out of this stupor, you may well need to seek some professional help.  Sitting around all day and feeling sorry for yourself is counter-intuitive to living a happy, successful life.

I have no solution to your struggles finding a date.  I'm not going to sugar coat it; you do most definitely have some challenges, some of which you cannot change.

Everyone, however, has the power to change their frame of mind, if they so desire.  Doing stuff that will give you more confidence, i.e. going to the gym, may give you that little pep which will start a chain reaction of positive self-thoughts.

Remember, though, there's no shame in asking for help if you need it.

I didn't need to post as Trail Blazer said it so well...

OP, listen to this guy, he speaks sense! 

If you have the strength to sort yourself, do it. If not, get help.