hokage240sx Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 I have been dating a girl for a lil over 2 months. usually see each other once a week, or every other week. We always have fun when we are together. We are sexually active with each other. I usually call or text to set up dates once a week. We never text in between dates. We never flake on the date and have great conversations in person. She tell me indirectly that she likes me. My question is why would she not ever text or call first? i've indirectly mentioned to her that she could call or text me anytime. But it usually never happens i always initiate. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 Sounds like you are just hooking up, not dating. This may be why she's not that interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 Yep.... sounds like a hook-up and not dating. In your mind... it may be dating... but if the woman isn't txt'ing... then it's not that way for her. (sorry) Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 6 hours ago, hokage240sx said: We never text in between dates. Her low investment equals yours. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 Yeah, that's weird. It sounds like a very casual relationship. Maybe she is seeing someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 Maybe she thinks you are FWBs. Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 Why don't you call or text her more often and see what happens? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 32 minutes ago, Alvi said: Why don't you call or text her more often and see what happens? I'm sorry, this makes too much sense. 😂 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 What do you want? Casual or relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hokage240sx Posted November 4, 2020 Author Share Posted November 4, 2020 1 hour ago, Alvi said: Why don't you call or text her more often and see what happens? I already set all the dates. I don't want to initiate every contact haha. i will probably just keep it this way smh. I imagine if it's meant to be things will smooth out on their own? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hokage240sx Posted November 4, 2020 Author Share Posted November 4, 2020 19 minutes ago, basil67 said: What do you want? Casual or relationship? well up until last week we never had penetration. she was a virgin and we had sex for the first time. My feelings to get stronger for her each time. I imagine the dynamic of the relationship will change as we continue to have sex and possibly get closer. we literally never miss a set date, we are meeting up again this Friday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hokage240sx Posted November 4, 2020 Author Share Posted November 4, 2020 3 hours ago, elaine567 said: Maybe she thinks you are FWBs. we had sex for the first time last week. she was a virgin, so it took her a while to feel comfortable to do that with me. I guess I will find out if we are just friends with benefits over time. The last time we met her attitude changed to one that is a lot more lovey. Im sure I can initiate everything, but just get tiring after a while. Thats why I don't text or call in between dates. I want to see if over time she will feel the need to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hokage240sx Posted November 4, 2020 Author Share Posted November 4, 2020 3 hours ago, ShyViolet said: Yeah, that's weird. It sounds like a very casual relationship. Maybe she is seeing someone else. maybe she is, I wouldn't like it but I have no control over that. I don't really want to date other people at the same time. but I just might, I guess I don't want to get to invested in someone without knowing where this is going. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 15 minutes ago, hokage240sx said: I already set all the dates. I don't want to initiate every contact haha. i will probably just keep it this way smh. I imagine if it's meant to be things will smooth out on their own? How about just asking her about it? Maybe she thinks that's how women are supposed to behave in relationships (based on something she read or was told). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hokage240sx Posted November 4, 2020 Author Share Posted November 4, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Acacia98 said: How about just asking her about it? Maybe she thinks that's how women are supposed to behave in relationships (based on something she read or was told). at this point, thats one of the only reasonable conclusions I could draw. I guess I just don't want to push and try to take the relationship to far. I don't want to make her feel like I need her to do something. I might after a little more time dating each other. I just wanted to see if other people had experienced something like this. wierd to me, most other women that I've met always act mutually. Edited November 4, 2020 by hokage240sx Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 5 minutes ago, hokage240sx said: we had sex for the first time last week. she was a virgin, so it took her a while to feel comfortable to do that with me. I guess I will find out if we are just friends with benefits over time. The last time we met her attitude changed to one that is a lot more lovey. Im sure I can initiate everything, but just get tiring after a while. Thats why I don't text or call in between dates. I want to see if over time she will feel the need to do it. She is inexperienced she will expect you to initiate, though many women do anyway. She will not "get the idea", if you don't call or text, she will think you are uninterested and she will find someone else or she will get very sad /upset. if you like her, call and text, and make her feel wanted. Losing her virginity is a big deal, the last thing she wants is some cold, unavailable guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hokage240sx Posted November 4, 2020 Author Share Posted November 4, 2020 1 minute ago, elaine567 said: She is inexperienced she will expect you to initiate, though many women do anyway. She will not "get the idea", if you don't call or text, she will think you are uninterested and she will find someone else or she will get very sad /upset. if you like her, call and text, and make her feel wanted. Losing her virginity is a big deal, the last thing she wants is some cold, unavailable guy. thats the side that makes me feel bad. Im not cold or unavailable. I actually like her a lot. I just don't want to push her into anything to quick. I have mentioned to her many times that she can call or text me anytime haha. poor girl, im probably overthinking things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hokage240sx Posted November 4, 2020 Author Share Posted November 4, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, elaine567 said: She is inexperienced she will expect you to initiate, though many women do anyway. She will not "get the idea", if you don't call or text, she will think you are uninterested and she will find someone else or she will get very sad /upset. if you like her, call and text, and make her feel wanted. Losing her virginity is a big deal, the last thing she wants is some cold, unavailable guy. im taking what you said into consideration. Im gonna have a talk with her today and just ask how often she prefers to be contacted in between dates. I will tell her that my style is checking in at least daily or every other day. I just was hesitant to start trying to do that without knowing her opinion. we will see how she responds. Edited November 4, 2020 by hokage240sx 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 (edited) For context: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/598016-rejected-by-girl/ She quite obviously has commitment or some kind of underlining issues that doesn't involve you. It doesn't mean you're at fault, but people like this typically tend to act irrationally. If I were you I wouldn't invest too much time and effort into this until that time and effort is reciprocal, because so be it come to the time she no longer wishes to continue her little escapades with you you're going to be too emotionally attached to let it go, which will then resort to you posting 64964474 topics on here like most people do in a similar situation. For your benefit, think of it as a hook-up/FWB scenario. If things happen to sail more in a direction that of an actual relationship, then consider it that way. Until then though, don't. Edited November 5, 2020 by DarrenB Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 8 hours ago, hokage240sx said: im taking what you said into consideration. Im gonna have a talk with her today and just ask how often she prefers to be contacted in between dates. I will tell her that my style is checking in at least daily or every other day. I just was hesitant to start trying to do that without knowing her opinion. we will see how she responds. I wouldn't bother with a talk just start texting her and calling her. Treat her like you would any other friend. Relax and play it by ear. Just be yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 You need to step up and confirm that you are exclusive and BF/GF. This nebulous hooking up is confusing for someone who clearly has little relationship experience and even more limited sexual experience. Why be so passive? Step up Link to post Share on other sites
zouzbd Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 Hi , I am not sure if you mentioned it or I missed seeing it ; how old are you both ? -I think since she lost her virginity to you ; whether she looks at you as a future lover or just as a friend is not now the important thing ; my advise to you , be a real man , not an opportunist and show her care (not words); she her also that you are protective to her (Not jealousy); don't show her that the man whom she lost virginity to is an ...hole ; then all men will be . -don't discuss care , just show it ; if your coming date is an encounter for sex ; take her first out , and try to avoid making her feel that sex is the only thing in your relation . I assure you if you do the above , she will admire you and be at least a real friend , rather than just an FWB. At the end ,what happens in this relationship , it will shape a lot of things in your personality and hers. that's my 2 cents . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 And see her more start spending more time together if she's interested , or try it anyway. 2mths and still only once a wk jezuz . lf she is interested she'll be waiting for you to start making something real out of this and your feelings for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 (edited) As long as she's never rejecting you, who cares who makes the plans? As long as the plans are made - that's the important part. I understand you are doing all the work on this front, but it's not much work. Look at the bright side - she never calls you, so there is zero chance of nagging! How cool is that?! Besides, relationships are built on face to face dates - not calls or texts. I think you are worrying about something that is not an issue. If you are bored, text or call your friends. The takeaway here is, she just likes the man to be the leader. Some do. She's just that type of girl. Don't try to change her, things are good! If it's not broken, don't fix it. Edited November 5, 2020 by Fletch Lives Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 18 hours ago, hokage240sx said: I already set all the dates. I don't want to initiate every contact haha. i will probably just keep it this way smh. I imagine if it's meant to be things will smooth out on their own? If you don't change things, they won't change. Sitting around passively doing nothing will mean this is what will happen forever. Do not talk to her about it. Do not go from calling only to setting up dates to daily contact. Ease into it, checking with her each time to escalate that she's OK. 18 hours ago, hokage240sx said: we had sex for the first time last week. she was a virgin, so it took her a while to feel comfortable to do that with me. I guess I will find out if we are just friends with benefits over time. The last time we met her attitude changed to one that is a lot more lovey. Im sure I can initiate everything, but just get tiring after a while. Thats why I don't text or call in between dates. I want to see if over time she will feel the need to do it. You took her virginity but you have only been seeing each other a short time. How sad. You need to offer more compassion. Reach out & gradually escalate as I mentioned above. She is not going to initiate because she has been conditioned to believe girls don't do that & if she contacts you she is afraid you will disappear because she's clingy. A virgin is not generally interested in casual FWB Link to post Share on other sites
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