Uptown182 Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 Just interested in seeing how many others have had some scars from ghosting. I was ghosted back at the end of March by a man who I was in a relationship with for 7 months. At the time I believed we were serious (his words) and he told me loved me all the time, he met my family multiple times, I met his family (with the exception of his kids). Then one day poof and he was gone, I went through hell. I had been ghosted before after a few a dates at the most, but never in a real relationship. My self esteem wasn't the greatest to begin with and I always had trust issues. I think this incident has exacerbated those issues for me. A man I loved and I believed loved me (at the time) tossed me aside like a piece of garbage, and while others may not see it that way, typically that is how the person who is ghosted is going to feel. I am in a much better place now, but still do hurt when I think of what he did (I think it'll always hurt). I have considered therapy, but it is so hard to find a therapist who is taking new patients now in the middle of the pandemic here in NYC. I have read articles where they say the lasting effects of ghosting a long term relationship (I know it wasn't that long, but still) can be very damaging to mental health and that worries me. So my question has anyone been ghosted that was in a real relationship that was 6 months or longer? Did it scar you? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 This is about him, not you . In fact, I would refer to this as dodged a bullet, not ghosting This lack of integrity is something you simply can't internalize or take personally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 I think almost everyone has been emotionally scarred in life. It's an unavoidable process that happens mostly when young and is tied to learning how to pick a mate. Experience will give you a measure of safety in the future but not total safety. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 It's a shock to your system that someone can be so thoughtless and cruel. It makes you wonder what it is about you that made them think they could do that to you. But what you have to understand and believe is that it is about the other person, not about you. They are more concerned with what's easy and comfortable for them (avoiding an unpleasant conversation) than treating someone else right. It makes no sense to you because you would never be so thoughtless. I think (hope) that the scar won't be too deep or long lasting, it just takes time to process and move on. Process, but don't dwell. Do things that make you feel good and focus on the good things that lie ahead. Time really does heal. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted November 5, 2020 Author Share Posted November 5, 2020 9 minutes ago, FMW said: It's a shock to your system that someone can be so thoughtless and cruel. It makes you wonder what it is about you that made them think they could do that to you. But what you have to understand and believe is that it is about the other person, not about you. They are more concerned with what's easy and comfortable for them (avoiding an unpleasant conversation) than treating someone else right. It makes no sense to you because you would never be so thoughtless. I think (hope) that the scar won't be too deep or long lasting, it just takes time to process and move on. Process, but don't dwell. Do things that make you feel good and focus on the good things that lie ahead. Time really does heal. Yes, when it first happened I remember all I did was question the validity of the relationship more than anything else. I still do at times. He was always a selfish guy so it makes total sense that he would just disappear without a word and not care how that would affect me. So this became more evident to me with time. Im in a much better place now and have a lot going on in my life so I’m moving on but I still have my dark moments where my mind wanders to what had happened. When it first happened this was all I could think about, now it’s maybe once or twice a month. Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyBundy1993 Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 Been there. Almost all of us have. Ghosting adds on extra stress and pain as it comes as everything comes unexpected. Feels like you have been stripped naked, or like you've been stunned happened atleast with me. I still dont know why people ghost? Specially when they say they love! Pfff but time heals everything. Healing is a slow process and little support and few efforts is all required. Hey but you should be happy, his true face came out in 7 months. Have heard people getting ghosted after years together! It has been considerable time, I suggest you stop seeking to know why he ghosted. Or question your self worth. Dude has gone and living his life, next time dont take things this fast 7 months is just too early to fall in love. For now take a day at a time. Talk to a friend or a family member about your feeling, talking helps. Until you find a therapist. Scars fade away with time, stay positive take long breaths you'll be fine in future and meet someone else. Take care 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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