I think my wife is cheating on me with a coworker

[mark clemson]

8 hours ago, MrFlibble_is_very_cross said:

Yes, She needs to find an apartment. But She's still my wife and mother of my children who is now jobless and without savings. So I will pay for it until She gets on her feet. What She did was horrible, absolutely. But I am not going to kick her out on a curb. If She wasn't remorseful It would be a lot different situation.

You may be paying for a while if she has trouble landing a new job. And if she spends the divorce money on supporting herself (if you go that route) that's money that your kids won't have available to pay for college or be inheriting one day.

This BGF did you no favors revealing things at work and derailing your wife's career. I can't believe how people who dish out this advice don't think about the harm they may be doing to the OBS and kids. Incredibly short-sighted IMO.

Be sure to check on child support levels with the lawyers (sorry if you mentioned that already and I missed).

Consider whether your wife can stay with her parents lieu of you paying for an apartment. That would presumably put a big dent in expenses to you.

Also hope that YOU don't unexpectedly lose your job, as that would REALLY make the situation wonderful.

[elaine567]

4 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

This BGF did you no favors revealing things at work and derailing your wife's career. I can't believe how people who dish out this advice don't think about the harm they may be doing to the OBS and kids. Incredibly short-sighted IMO.

Exactly.
Her revenge had no consequences for herself whatsoever.
If I were the OP I would want nothing to do with her...
She fired off an Exocet missile and did not care what collateral damage it caused...
It was all about her...

[MrFlibble_is_very_cross]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

If that is the case, why won't she go to marriage therapy with you?

Too soon for that. But I hope we are going slowly in that direction.

 

4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What does it mean to you? 

What is it you want to see her do? I think you need to define the terms for yourself, too, or she's just going to be tossing ideas into the wind without really knowing if that's what you want or need. 

i have a rough idea what I want from her. She knows that, too. We spoke about it during our talks.

1 hour ago, S2B said:

Why do you have to lead her every time to the action to repair the marriage? 
 

what actions has she done since you found out? Has she done counseling yet? Has she found an apartment yet? Has she made a decision about anything yet? Has she gotten a new job yet?

it looks like it’s all been on you.  Let HER do the heavy lifting. And if she doesn’t do more than her share of repairing the damage she caused - right away - file and be done with her.

 

crying, apologizing and checking in to see if you’ll still let her come over is not the work/heavy lifting that needs to be done.

I think She's just as lost as I am now. She basicaly broke it off, sent him NC message, blocked his number and quit her job. No counseling yet amd she still spends work ours and nights at her parents.

it might sound like It's all on me, but it isn't. She takes care of kids a lot more than I do (We are finishing a huge project at work right now), does all the chores. I know it's not much but it does makenmy life easier. All that heavy lifting should be lined in her list.

1 hour ago, TobyBoy said:

I think a list of conditions is good. Here is generic list of conditions that would need to be met for me to consider reconciliation. 
1. No more lies or minimizing of facts. 
2. Full transparency, phones, social media, emails...

3. IC(individual counseling) 

4. STD test. 
5. No Contact with her affair partner or enablers. 
6. Quit her job where affair occurred. 
7. Find a new job. 
8. Polygraph 

9. Written detailed timeline of her affair.

I understand some conditions have already been met. These are just the minimum I would use. 

 

That's basicaly my list here except polygraph. And I will ask her about enablers, I think she told me noone knew. 
 

56 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

You may be paying for a while if she has trouble landing a new job. And if she spends the divorce money on supporting herself (if you go that route) that's money that your kids won't have available to pay for college or be inheriting one day.

This BGF did you no favors revealing things at work and derailing your wife's career. I can't believe how people who dish out this advice don't think about the harm they may be doing to the OBS and kids. Incredibly short-sighted IMO.

Be sure to check on child support levels with the lawyers (sorry if you mentioned that already and I missed).

Consider whether your wife can stay with her parents lieu of you paying for an apartment. That would presumably put a big dent in expenses to you.

Also hope that YOU don't unexpectedly lose your job, as that would REALLY make the situation wonderful.

I don't really care about money, I make enough. It's just that we put everythin we possibly could into our house so we have almost no savings. College is free here. And if we divorce I will pay more child support than ordered. Our laws regarding child support are a joke.

And I can't blame SH's GF for blowing it up at her work. It was my first thought too, I just didn't go through with it. 

[mark clemson]

17 minutes ago, MrFlibble_is_very_cross said:

And I can't blame SH's GF for blowing it up at her work. It was my first thought too, I just didn't go through with it. 

Fair enough. Perhaps you are one for whom the "moral" issue of cheating outweighs the practical concerns of finances and taking money away from your kids. That's certainly not everyone, though. College in the US, for example, is very expensive and leads to enormous debt burdens for young adults with frequency.

I can say that if someone got MY wife fired, even over cheating, I would be looking for ways to extract revenge, such as looking into suing them (IF I could still afford that) or figuring out a way to make them lose THEIR job.

Edited November 23, 2020 by mark clemson

[Watercolors]

1 hour ago, MrFlibble_is_very_cross said:

Too soon for that. But I hope we are going slowly in that direction.

 

i have a rough idea what I want from her. She knows that, too. We spoke about it during our talks.

I think She's just as lost as I am now. She basicaly broke it off, sent him NC message, blocked his number and quit her job. No counseling yet amd she still spends work ours and nights at her parents.

it might sound like It's all on me, but it isn't. She takes care of kids a lot more than I do (We are finishing a huge project at work right now), does all the chores. I know it's not much but it does makenmy life easier. All that heavy lifting should be lined in her list.

That's basicaly my list here except polygraph. And I will ask her about enablers, I think she told me noone knew. 
 

I don't really care about money, I make enough. It's just that we put everythin we possibly could into our house so we have almost no savings. College is free here. And if we divorce I will pay more child support than ordered. Our laws regarding child support are a joke.

And I can't blame SH's GF for blowing it up at her work. It was my first thought too, I just didn't go through with it. 

I think you are being very level headed. Don't let the hysterical postsers' own projections about cheating and affairs become your reality. For example, forcing your wife to take a lie detector test is absolutely ridiculous and belongs only on tv in a crime drama. The posters who tell you to do that are hysterical and unrealistic.

Keep your head about you. Do what you are doing. Do not take on all the bad advice being offered to you as fact as it's NOT fact. It's just some internet stranger's opinion. Good luck with your situation Mr. Flibble. You're doing everything right. Take it one hour at a time with your situation. As long as you stay level headed and calm, the situation will work out the way it is supposed to for everyone's benefit.

[gamon]

On 11/21/2020 at 5:05 PM, MrFlibble_is_very_cross said:

On Thursday I told my wife I have the messages. She asked me if I somehow recovered them from her phone or if I got them from SH's GF (She knew about the meeting). So I told her the truth (I know, I know, don't beat me too much please). 

This got me so angry I admit I was very nasty towards her and told her she just lied again when I explicitly asked for full truth and even told her It was her last chance. And She just blew it. I told her I will probably never trust her again and It would be better if we just got divorced as peacefully as possible.  

But after all, I now finaly feel a lot better, more in control. 

You handled the entire message issue very poorly. That was probably your only leverage to get her to come clean on what may or may not have happened with her and the other man, but instead of holding out you told her the truth as to exactly what you  knew- which left you nowhere in regard to getting more information out of her. This sounds more like self sabotoge than a dumb mistake.

You have stated many times that if she had sex with the guy you are done. You've stated to her that if she continues to lie to her after her "last chance",  you're done.

Now you're giving her time to "make a list of what things she has to do to make it right". You're all over the place, sending conflicting messages, backpeddling, back tracking and these mistakes now will cost you huge later.

Wifey's still lying, and still trickle truthing you (confirming only what you already know), her job is finished, her career options are limited, and you said you don't mind supporting her regardless of what happens, but what price has she really paid for her transgressions?

You aren't in control of anything.

P.S. Once you do file for divorce don't expect a quick and easy settlement- she's being all nice right now because she's trying to win you back- but when that becomes hopeless, after her first consult with a good attorney she'll be back in the house, she will make no effort to find a job and there's a good chance you'll be the one living in an apartment with limited access to your children.

 

 

 

 

Edited November 23, 2020 by gamon

[Wiseman2]

The only ones who will suffer most when you use the scorched earth approach regurgitated here from infidelity sites...are your kids.

The demise of a family and marriage is a tragedy, not a blood sport. 

Marriage therapy needs to be your First step. You pick the therapist. You can not implore someone to do anything with a pointless to-do checklist.

[gamon]

1 hour ago, Watercolors said:

forcing your wife to take a lie detector test is absolutely ridiculous and belongs only on tv in a crime drama. The posters who tell you to do that are hysterical and unrealistic.

Do you work in security or espionage? Are you an attorney or do you work in the field of divorce? If not what gives you the authority to say that other posters are being hysterical and unrealistic? Other than, of course, what you've read on the internet which is nothing more than the opinion of other people.

It's my understanding, and my opinion that in a situation such as this where every means possible should be used to get to the truth, the pressure of an impending lie detector test may produce a so called "parking lot confession" if handled correctly even though the test itself can be unreliable.

 

[Harry Korsnes]

28 minutes ago, gamon said:

You handled the entire message issue very poorly. That was probably your only leverage to get her to come clean on what may or may not have happened with her and the other man, but instead of holding out you told her the truth as to exactly what you  knew- which left you nowhere in regard to getting more information out of her. This sounds more like self sabotoge than a dumb mistake.

You have stated many times that if she had sex with the guy you are done. You've stated to her that if she continues to lie to her after her "last chance",  you're done.

Now you're giving her time to "make a list of what things she has to do to make it right". You're all over the place, sending conflicting messages, backpeddling, back tracking and these mistakes now will cost you huge later.

Wifey's still lying, and still trickle truthing you (confirming only what you already know), her job is finished, her career options are limited, and you said you don't mind supporting her regardless of what happens, but what price has she really paid for her transgressions?

You aren't in control of anything.

P.S. Once you do file for divorce don't expect a quick and easy settlement- she's being all nice right now because she's trying to win you back- but when that becomes hopeless, after her first consult with a good attorney she'll be back in the house, she will make no effort to find a job and there's a good chance you'll be the one living in an apartment with limited access to your children.

 

 

 

 

Wow that was expert advice!!!

[WilyWill]

47 minutes ago, gamon said:

Do you work in security or espionage? Are you an attorney or do you work in the field of divorce? If not what gives you the authority to say that other posters are being hysterical and unrealistic? Other than, of course, what you've read on the internet which is nothing more than the opinion of other people.

It's my understanding, and my opinion that in a situation such as this where every means possible should be used to get to the truth, the pressure of an impending lie detector test may produce a so called "parking lot confession" if handled correctly even though the test itself can be unreliable.

 

You see this a lot from people who are new to infidelity boards. "Polygraphs are not accurate!" "They're not backed by science!"

What the anti-polygraphers never seem to grasp is that, for whatever reason, polygraphs work, regardless of accuracy or the underlying science. The mere threat of a polygraph often elicits a full "parking lot confession" from the cheater. Then there are cases where a result of "untruthful" in combination with the betrayed spouses gut feeling make it clear that the cheater was lying, providing a second opportunity for the cheater to come clean. See the poster named Thumos on surivinginfidelity.com. 

Even a spouse refusing or acquiescing to a polygraph, and their reasons given, provides useful information to the betrayed spouse in their decision on whether to reconcile or not. 

In this situation, I believe that Mr. Flibble's wife would pass a polygraph, giving him an additional level of comfort in what he already believes. If you've read enough infidelity boards, you'll see many joyous betrayed spouses announcing the positive results. I'd expect Mr. Flibble would be one of these. Unfortunately, one issue is that it's hard to arrange polygraphs in many European countries.

But to reiterate, polygraphs do work, even if they don't work in the way that they were designed to. 

Edited November 23, 2020 by WilyWill
grammar

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, WilyWill said:

The mere threat of a polygraph often elicits a full "parking lot confession" from the cheater.

 

[Watercolors]

2 hours ago, gamon said:

Do you work in security or espionage? Are you an attorney or do you work in the field of divorce? If not what gives you the authority to say that other posters are being hysterical and unrealistic? Other than, of course, what you've read on the internet which is nothing more than the opinion of other people.

It's my understanding, and my opinion that in a situation such as this where every means possible should be used to get to the truth, the pressure of an impending lie detector test may produce a so called "parking lot confession" if handled correctly even though the test itself can be unreliable.

 

Maybe on an episode of the crime drama CSI or Law & Order. Real life is different.

 

[gamon]

1 minute ago, Watercolors said:

Maybe on an episode of the crime drama CSI or Law & Order. Real life is different.

 

Right, because you read as much on the internet. Got it.

 

[mark clemson]

Hmm. No doubt parking lot confessions are at least sometimes a thing for the nervous and ignorant. And they are still used, apparently, even though they don't work. Perhaps in the hope of weeding out a few cases. For those in the know there's this.

"assessments of polygraphy by scientific and government bodies generally suggest that polygraphs are highly inaccurate, may easily be defeated by countermeasures, and are an imperfect or invalid means of assessing truthfulness.  A comprehensive 2003 review by the National Academy of Sciences of existing research concluded that there was "little basis for the expectation that a polygraph test could have extremely high accuracy. The American Psychological Association states "Most psychologists agree that there is little evidence that polygraph tests can accurately detect lies.""

I'd take a polygraph even if I had something to hide. Apparently they're not hard to beat so long as you can actually understand what they're saying under "countermeasures".

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygraph

 

Edited November 23, 2020 by mark clemson

[DKT3]

Cheaters have to control the flow of information.  Polygraphs are actually useless if it gets to that point, I think just about everyone can agree with that. What is very effective is understanding the behavior that the prospects of a Polygraph will create.  

When faced with possibilities of losing control of information,  most will attempt the regain the upper hand,  after bullying, anger,  sadness or whatever other tactic they try, they will release more information at which point there is no need, you know they are still lying. 

It could be as simple as, "oh yeah, I also had dinner with the AP when I said I had to work late, I forgot" nah they didn't forget....most betrayed spouses would miss that, and that is likely just the tip of the iceberg on that evening. 

[Harry Korsnes]

9 minutes ago, DKT3 said:

Cheaters have to control the flow of information.  Polygraphs are actually useless if it gets to that point, I think just about everyone can agree with that. What is very effective is understanding the behavior that the prospects of a Polygraph will create.  

When faced with possibilities of losing control of information,  most will attempt the regain the upper hand,  after bullying, anger,  sadness or whatever other tactic they try, they will release more information at which point there is no need, you know they are still lying. 

It could be as simple as, "oh yeah, I also had dinner with the AP when I said I had to work late, I forgot" nah they didn't forget....most betrayed spouses would miss that, and that is likely just the tip of the iceberg on that evening. 

As allways great advice, but he should  keep the temper up. 

[Robert2016]

Insisting that your wife prepare a plan to fix herself and to rebuild your trust in her will be helpful.  It's the first step and something you can 'respond' to.

Among other things, she needs to identify what boundaries (including behaviors, conversations, texts and topics discussed) she violated which contributed to her affair. What she was thinking & felt each time a boundary was crossed.  AND for each boundary crossed - what she will do in the future to prevent it (i.e., protect you and her marriage from the risk of infidelity).

From your posts it sounds like your wife is over whelmed and perhaps shutting down.  I suggest you both read:  Not Just Friends by Dr Shirley Glass.  It's based on research of couples (nice people like you two) that experienced infidelity ....how it happened (your wife will relate) .... and what steps/boundaries can protect her marriage going forward. 

It's common for a wayward spouse to enjoy the attention (it's a high that becomes addictive and they keep coming back repeatedly & lying to cover up just like an addict).  They convince themselves it's harmless and their spouse will never find out (or get hurt). They also convince themselves they're in control and can manage the relationship so that they will never have sex. 

Tolerating the sexy suggestive language, hugs and kisses becomes their currency to keep the attention coming.   The physical intimacy of a 'kiss' is the very last boundary that once violated the affair escalates to sex.

You're lucky you stopped it. Now she needs to take the initiative to fix herself and make sure it never happens again to you (or if you divorce, another life partner).

 

 

 

 

Edited November 24, 2020 by Robert2016

[curlygirl40]

On 11/7/2020 at 8:40 PM, MrFlibble_is_very_cross said:

 

The issue is one of the guys on her team (27). Call it gut feeling or whatever, but since my first interaction with him when i visited my wife at work I immediately picked up this weird vibe/tension when we all three are around each other. My wife of course dismisses it and vehemently denies there is anything going on, but I learned to trust my gut. So here are some pointers on where we are now and what i know:

my wife started working there 2 months before he was transfered into her team and at first was very skeptic about staying on the job. Few weeks after HE started my wife made complete 180 and told me she deicided to stay

My wife completelly changed her wardrobe, started wearing more flattering clothes (possible that's just because she got out of her SAHM shell?)

Few months back my wife started going out for drinks with her new collegues (then Covid restrictions came back and put a stop to this)

Since she started WFH she became depressed, mopey and often takes it out on me and sometimes even on our kids (they can be handful)

I KNOW (or at least i think i know) that they haven't seen each other since early September (WFH)

She doesn't go out that much now (Covid) and when she does we are all there

She is a lot more secretive with her phone. I still know the password though. Checked her phone two weeks back when she was sleeping (not my proudest moment). Will ask her directly to see her phone next time

I KNOW she texts the guy. I saw the texts, nothing inappropriate but definitely NOT work related. Pretty decent amount of texts, dozens almost each day. Weird times too.

When I told her I don't like the guy or her texting him she got upset and told me I have nothing to worry about, he's just a friend from work

I know that during late summer they went few times on a lunch together, only two of them (she told me only after I directly asked)

They apparently know a lot personal details about each other (He's having problems with his LT GF, she gave him advice on that)

As far as i know they never discuss me or the kids. All that personal stuff from her side is about her or her family). This is another thing that I find off

We are now less touchy, sex dropped to once a week max. I also feel like she's not much into it now. But could be nothing, we experienced this before

She told me yesterday that she can't wait for getting back to work at the office.

 

 

Hi

I've been following along from the beginning but finally wanted to chime in on some things.   

The thing I keep going back to is your first post, you had a gut feeling that turned out to be spot on.  But she just kept telling you that it was nothing, he is just a friend, etc., etc.    I know it might seem silly, but I think this would bother me the most.    The whole time this was going on, you could tell something was off, you approached her about it and she lied.  She covered it up.  She told you that you were wrong.  She dismissed and denied.     She had many chances to at least stop it.    Even if she was too afraid to admit what was happening, you questioning her about it could have at least helped her to realize what she was doing to you and to her family (meaning you and the kids and the potential demise of you as a family unit).  But she didn't.    

The only thing that snapped her out of this affair fog was you finding out.   Then all of a sudden she's sorry, she's remorseful, she cut this guy out of her life.   But that is what it took for her to do the right thing.  

This would bother me so much that I'm not sure if I could get past it.  

Personally, I would tell anyone who will listen that if I was in your shoes, I would be gone before my partner said 'let me explain'.   But it's SO much easier to imagine what you would do than it would be to be in your exact situation.   

I know what it's like to feel like you're living in limbo though, and that sucks.   But also be kind to yourself and be patient.  If you're not 100% sure of what you want, then wait it out and give yourself some time.    Yes, you might one day be on the other side of this and wish you had taken action sooner.  But I think I would rather have that happen than to make a decision when you're not exactly sure.   Give it time.  Maybe put a timetable on it and then if you're still in the same exact place, rethink this strategy.  

For me, when I was in limbo in my crappy marriage (no infidelity involved though) I remember sitting in my LR on New Year's Eve (many years ago) and saying to myself 'Next year at this exact time, I will either be in a very happy marriage or I will be divorced.  There is no in between any longer'.      And I held true to that and did end up divorcing when things hadn't improved.

Anyway, I digress.   With the holidays and Covid and all of this still being so new, don't be in a rush to decide.  

I will now contradict myself here and quote Rush.   'If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice'.   So for sure, by not deciding, you're making a decision to stay.  For now.   But what I'm saying is that it's o.k.    It hasn't even been a month.    I can feel your ambivalence in your posts.   I don't think you're ready to really make a decision if you can get past this and forgive and rebuild or not.   I know I would have a hard time getting past it.    And I also know I've never been in this exact situation so I'm not sure how great the pull is to try to put the pieces back together.   

Divorce sucks.  Especially when there are children involved.   If you do go down that road, know that eventually all will be o.k.    A friend of mine once said to me 'Telling you that you will be o.k is like trying to describe colors to a blind person'.    It will never be fun, but if you decide to divorce, the only way around is through.   

Also as some other posters have mentioned, be prepared for her demeanor to change once she realizes you've made up your mind and there's no going back.   I'm not saying to be scared of this or to have it sway your decision, I'm just saying it will happen.   Just like you and your emotions, her emotions are all over the place.  But for right now, she's hoping to get her marriage back to 'normal' someday.   Once she realizes that is not an option, she will likely completely change.    One minute she might be remorseful, the next minute she'll be hateful, and the next she'll be sad, then angry.   It's all normal.   So what might seem like a relatively smooth transition now (we'll sell the house, we'll split custody, etc., etc) will likely be more bumpy.   

Best of luck to you. I am so sorry you're going through this.   

[SushiX]

At least you have sex once a week. Consider yourself lucky buddy.

[princessaurora]

Op, I know you are getting so much conflicting information and it can be quite overwhelming ( I was in a situation a few weeks ago  where I felt myself uncontrollably attracted to a past crush who recently started doing business with my company and I was being pulled in so many directions by posters on the board on how to handle it). But at the end of the day, you have to make your own decisions, and if that means taking a step back from all the advice you've been given so you can truly figure out the best way to move forward, you need to do that. 

The only thing I would suggest  you do before you make any decisions though is that you get to the bottom of why she did this. What is lacking in your relationship that she needs? What was this other guy giving her that you weren't? If you don't find that out and you decide to stay married to her, I fear she'll do this again in the future. She was only at her workplace a few months before this occurred. Will this happen again at her next job? It's definitely a possibility if she's still trying to fill some void. A marriage counselor can help you with this, so I advise you see one. We are and they already helped us uncover something I wasn't even aware of that was leading me into the potential affair fog. Before you decide if you want to divorce her or not I highly recommend you have at least one MC session, so ya'll can talk things out. You need to stress to her how important that is if she even wants you to consider staying married to her. 

Good luck. I'll be praying for the best outcome for you, whatever side of the coin that falls on.  

[Watercolors]

2 hours ago, princessaurora said:

The only thing I would suggest  you do before you make any decisions though is that you get to the bottom of why she did this. What is lacking in your relationship that she needs? What was this other guy giving her that you weren't? If you don't find that out and you decide to stay married to her, I fear she'll do this again in the future.

Cheating isn’t necessarily a sign that the OP did anything wrong in his marriage or that their relationship lacks something that triggered his wife’s cheating. People cheat because they can. Cheating is the cheater’s attempt to avoid feeling emotional pain. 

The OP’s wife had a myriad of options to help her address whatever was bothering her when she consciously decided to cheat on the OP with her male coworker. She may never come clean with the OP why she acted so immaturely with whatever her personal dilemma was, that she justified was worth cheating for. She may come clean but the OP won’t believe her anyway. Why should he?

She betrayed their marriage vows. She disrespected the OP, her own children and basically treated the OP and their children like they didn’t exist, by her own cheating. She put her own needs ahead of her husband and children’s, in a very dysfunctional way. Mature people don’t cheat. It’s just that simple. Immature, self-centered people with very low self-esteem and complete disregard for other people are the types who cheat. They’re remorse is disingenuous at best, because they are only sorry they got caught; they’re not actually sorry for cheating. 

Cheaters may protest too much about how sorry they are for cheating. Their protestations are just smoke and mirrors. True, genuine remorse only comes much later (if at all). The lack of morality it takes to cheat on a marriage partner is the issue. You just don’t cheat on someone you truly love. You just don’t. Why would you want to? There are literally no excuses for cheating that can ever justify it. And if you think there are, you’re wrong. 

Edited November 24, 2020 by Watercolors

[Watercolors]

To add, Mr. Flibble: the most important thing you can do for yourself is not to take responsibility for your wife’s affair. You did not cause her to cheat on you. She chose to cheat on you. Do not take responsibility for your wife’s actions of cheating.

Definitely find out why she chose to cheat instead of utilize the other options she had available to her, to help her resolve whatever she justifies as her reason for cheating. But do not take on her cheating as your fault. Do not own it. It exists outside of you (your wife’s decision to cheat) because it was her decision and her decision alone. 

Do not feel guilty for your wife’s choices. That’s all I’m trying to say. 

Edited November 24, 2020 by Watercolors

[MrFlibble_is_very_cross]

It's over.

 

I just got call from SH's ex-girlfriend telling me SH and my wife slept together few days after their session in his car. 

She found a card transaction when she went through his statements (smart move, buddy! Using your CC to pay for a hotel room on Thursday afternoon). They had a huge fight over phone and he admits He went there with my wife.

Waiting for a copy of the statement. Not sure if I even want to confront my wife anymore. I am done.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear that. Hopefully now you will get an attorney.

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, MrFlibble_is_very_cross said:

I just got call from SH's ex-girlfriend telling me SH and my wife slept together few days after their session in his car. 

She found a card transaction when she went through his statements (smart move, buddy! Using your CC to pay for a hotel room on Thursday afternoon). They had a huge fight over phone and he admits He went there with my wife

Remember this woman will hate your wife with a vengeance, so make sure there is solid proof before you go off at the deep end.
I am not saying she is not telling the truth, she may be, but then again she will want to see your wife rot in hell, so be careful before you blow up your kids lives.
There is a lot for you at stake here.
This woman will NOT want to see you reconcile and play happy families, so she may be trying her best to stir up trouble.
She has already proven she is a loose cannon capable of anything... 
Be aware.